Hello,
I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I really
need other's perspective .
I've been with my bf since january. He's 51 I'm 45. He has an 18 year old daughter living at home, who he's very dissapointed in.
A bit about his background to give a better picture. He grew up in an abusive household. He also grew up in new york , and had to be street smart, was in lots of fights etc. He's a marine. He also managed to get himself educated, had a good career and is now retired. He's been retired since when he got full custody of his daughter when she was 2 and he wanted to take proper care of her.
Because of his background he tends to judge people's characters intantly , and has little patience with people. Like I said , his daughter is a dissapointment , as she's not doing well in college and he thinks she's too immature.
I have very little previous relationship experiences , so I don't know whether or not the way he treats me and expects me to behave is normal.
I understand relationships are about taking the effort to listen to your bf/gf , and communicating properly, but I think he takes these requirements to a whole new level.
He loves to talk hours on end so that can become tiresome. If he feels I didn't hear him , sometimes he will repeat the sentence very slowly as if talking to a 6 year old. Stupid things also, which to him mean I didn,'t communicate with him properly, like I put a plate (vs a bowl)out on the table for him without asking if he wanted toast or cereal , turns into a lecture about my lack of communicatoon.
He's also super critical and judgemental about my eating habits. Critices choices such as fruit as it's full of sugar. Complains I drink to much coffee. He's also rather quick to conclude "I must be talking to other dudes". If I"m texting, it must be with some guy.
As an example yesterday, everything that happened.
We were having breakfast in a hotel buffet, and were the only ones there. One other guest walks in, happens to be some guy and I must have glanced at him too much , as I was facing the rest of the eating area behind my bf's back . He later in the room complained I was glancing over at this guy (in at least his 60s), at least 10 times.
Next, stoping at a gas station for coffee, he complained about the size of my coffee (ok the largest). He became impatient when adding sweetner and cream took too long (a minute?), walked to the register, walked over to me again to hurry up. Complained at the register when I just picked up some m&ms (curiously checking new kind), I didn't even buy them, just looked.
Next, in some event I had to let go of his hand when we walked in front of people taking a nphoto and he walked on ,while I waited for the people to finnish. I lost him in the building's other rooms , found him standing somewhere (less then 2 minutes later), he complained I took some pics on my own and didn't stay with him.
Next, he expected me to be eager about something (buying snacks), and when I wasn't, because I was the previous day, he became annoyed.
But these are very few examples, he often lectures me, or turns simple discussions info debates or arguements. He seems very controlling and possesive overall. I just don't know what to do. He's a good guy, breaks his back helping me remodel, which makes it harder.
Does this seem normal?
I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I really
need other's perspective .
I've been with my bf since january. He's 51 I'm 45. He has an 18 year old daughter living at home, who he's very dissapointed in.
A bit about his background to give a better picture. He grew up in an abusive household. He also grew up in new york , and had to be street smart, was in lots of fights etc. He's a marine. He also managed to get himself educated, had a good career and is now retired. He's been retired since when he got full custody of his daughter when she was 2 and he wanted to take proper care of her.
Because of his background he tends to judge people's characters intantly , and has little patience with people. Like I said , his daughter is a dissapointment , as she's not doing well in college and he thinks she's too immature.
I have very little previous relationship experiences , so I don't know whether or not the way he treats me and expects me to behave is normal.
I understand relationships are about taking the effort to listen to your bf/gf , and communicating properly, but I think he takes these requirements to a whole new level.
He loves to talk hours on end so that can become tiresome. If he feels I didn't hear him , sometimes he will repeat the sentence very slowly as if talking to a 6 year old. Stupid things also, which to him mean I didn,'t communicate with him properly, like I put a plate (vs a bowl)out on the table for him without asking if he wanted toast or cereal , turns into a lecture about my lack of communicatoon.
He's also super critical and judgemental about my eating habits. Critices choices such as fruit as it's full of sugar. Complains I drink to much coffee. He's also rather quick to conclude "I must be talking to other dudes". If I"m texting, it must be with some guy.
As an example yesterday, everything that happened.
We were having breakfast in a hotel buffet, and were the only ones there. One other guest walks in, happens to be some guy and I must have glanced at him too much , as I was facing the rest of the eating area behind my bf's back . He later in the room complained I was glancing over at this guy (in at least his 60s), at least 10 times.
Next, stoping at a gas station for coffee, he complained about the size of my coffee (ok the largest). He became impatient when adding sweetner and cream took too long (a minute?), walked to the register, walked over to me again to hurry up. Complained at the register when I just picked up some m&ms (curiously checking new kind), I didn't even buy them, just looked.
Next, in some event I had to let go of his hand when we walked in front of people taking a nphoto and he walked on ,while I waited for the people to finnish. I lost him in the building's other rooms , found him standing somewhere (less then 2 minutes later), he complained I took some pics on my own and didn't stay with him.
Next, he expected me to be eager about something (buying snacks), and when I wasn't, because I was the previous day, he became annoyed.
But these are very few examples, he often lectures me, or turns simple discussions info debates or arguements. He seems very controlling and possesive overall. I just don't know what to do. He's a good guy, breaks his back helping me remodel, which makes it harder.
Does this seem normal?
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