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Friendships ain't Intimate Relationships

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  • Friendships ain't Intimate Relationships

    I can understand divorced women wanting to be retied to a hitching post. I know women in their sexual primes want their brains rattled. But why can't women become friends w/o benefits?

    I've been hanging with a woman who has assumed that because we do stuff together that we're heading for horizontal gymnastics. She doesn't do it for me in that way. She's cool & we share a lot in common, but we ain't destined for intimacy. She has been texting stuff to me indicating she wants binding. I haven't lead her down a yellow brick road. She's conjured up that notion all by herself.

    I don't want or need to jump into another intimate relationship. I merely wanna hang with friends and have fun. When I meet the right vixen, I'll be good for tossing feathers. I do not want to feel obligated to service a woman because she's long overdue for routine maintenance. They sell electronic devices that'll release carriage tension.

    There are too many divorced women huntin' up men & not enough men wanting to become prey.

    What happened to the feminist movement? Didn't it advocate strong, independent, liberated, bra-burning, elf-sufficient women who don't need men to complete them?

    Just a rant more than query.

  • Interesting, because one of my very best friends is male. At one time we had a very close relationship but for many reasons decided that "us as a couple" wouldn't work. We still enjoyed doing the same things, same music, could go out for lunch or dinner together without any expectations. The sad part is that once he married and once I married we couldn't be in the same type of friendship. My husband understood, unfortunately his wife couldn't see her was past our past. We are still in touch via facebook and the odd private message but it's not the same.
    That which we forget may as well never really happened.


    • I have several male friends with no sexual activity.


      • She had me on the phone for 90 minutes today. She has me dialed in for a double date, which might be cool because I like the other couple. But I'm not feeling it for her. She's told me she has a crush on me. I graciously accepted her compliment, but blew it off. I interpreted it to mean she's horny. (She's nonstop texting me now.) I'm gonna have to explain parameters of our association. We'll be attending a gathering tomorrow. After a few drinks I'm gonna explain to her that we ain't gonna get physical.

        Middle-aged & divorced women can be extremely assertive and explicit about what they want.

        I see her as a friend, not FWB.


        • I had a very close male friend, but he's moved away now and isn't available on Facebook or even the telephone [long story]. I miss him terribly, but we were always just very good friends. It's nice to have a male friend that only wants to be a friend. I see passion in a relationship more about physical fire than an emotional bond. Of course, I'd still want to get along with the man, but I am more about passion and romance. Maybe those two things can be combined? Possibly. But I haven't seen it yet. Because I do find people equate a close friendship with sex. They form a bond and that is that.

          But WaveRider you're right to tell her you're simply not interested in a physical relationship. Definitely stand your ground. I hope you can both retain the friendship after this difficulty in communicating. You don't want her to be a friend with benefits: you have to be assertive with her and hammer in the point [without hurting her feelings, of course]. Put some distance between yourself and her but don't abandon her. She'll get over her crush. But, for the meantime, just don't add fuel to the fire. That is all you can do.


          • Hi Popcorn&Candy,

            It's rare that intense physical attraction in found in one's best friend. Both were present in my last relationship.

            This new woman wants me to road trip with her. She's already planned it. I know the desired component of her plan. I don't want it.

            I thought I'd be able to tell her last weekend. I hope to find the right place, time, & environment to tell her that I'm not looking for sex w/o hurting her feelings. I've been told that women can become extremely distraught stemming from sexual rejection. My last g/f told me that she spent a lot of time, effort, and money preparing for a romantic and intimate sex session with her ex-husband. She spent big $$$ of extremely sexy and sheer lingerie. She had her hair done, nails done, had bikini line waxed, & trimmed her bush. She does have a very erotic and enticing raven black bush that when covered by a sheer lingerie results in immediate desire. Anyway, after all of her preparation, her ex-husband rejected her. After a couple glasses of wine, she tried again, this time straddling his lap while he was sitting at their home office desk. Same result. She said it was like a missile salvo striking her femininity. Her ex was many slices short of a full loaf & was on psychotropic meds that had assuredly militated against his libido. His loaf has lost more slices since. She had a hot body and a hotter sex drive. I'd doubt any man would've rejected her.

            I know that a woman's sexual advance should not be summarily rejected. The best way to avoid having to reject a woman's sexual advance is to avoid places (her home) she could make a move.

            I feel bad for desperate middle-aged women. Too many sense what might be their reality of growing old alone. They're desperate and vulnerable. They makes easy marks for con artists & dudes who want only quick sex.


            • That is very sad, Claret: losing such a close friend is devastating. Having his wife put a wedge between you both must be upsetting and frustrating in equal measure. I do think if he was able, he would be able to increase contact with you and help his wife realize you're not a threat to their marriage. But she will never understand that all you have is friendship.

              I can understand how you're feeling and you're not alone. I had a good friend and he is gone. It isn't quite the same situation, but I have lost him and am getting upset just writing about it.

              At least we all have our memories of those special times.


              • It's wonderful that you have someone special in your life, amy40. I had a soulmate, but he's gone now: it still upsets me. Anyhow, physical attraction does not always mean love. Lust is as it is: lust. Still, to be with a man who is my soulmate and whom I feel passion with would be ideal. I'll just keep looking.



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