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New to divorce and sharing kids

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  • New to divorce and sharing kids

    I wasn’t sure where to post this. Does anyone here been divorced and share joint custody with ex?

    We have. 4,5 and 6 week old daughters together. The 4 and 5 go to their dads every other week and the baby we share on a 2-2-3 schedule. I have never been without my kids for a week at a time like this. I miss them a lot when they are gone. Does this get easier??

  • Hi Kaja,

    I am not in your situation but have friends who are. It is actually a rather common situation these days. I cannot imagine that it will ever get easier in terms of missing your kids when they're gone. And you will many times feel left out like you're missing out on important things in their lives. It WILL be hard. And right now, with a 6-week old especially. I know that it would gut me each time I had to say goodbye. My goodness, you are not even past the post-partum hormonal stage yet so I can imagine that this all seems even worse to you now.

    After a while, you will begin to build a new life for yourself. You will find things you can do and thoroughly enjoy both when the kids are there and when they are not. You will start to find things that you truly look forward to doing when they're not there.

    And the best part? Those things and that time will make you a happier, healthier and more well-rounded momma to those sweet babies. A bad marriage makes both parents unhappy and unhealthy people for their children. The notion that keeping a family together is more important than happiness is WRONG. Your kids deserve to see you BOTH at your best, even if that means doing so apart.

    I believe the key for you will be working very hard to maintaining a positive and co-parent relationship with your ex. Many couples get caught up in the hurt and anger of their divorce and are just not able to put that to the side. As a result, they make the situation MUCH harder on each other than it needs to be and no one wins in that situation.

    "Be what you're looking for."

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    • I second Ashlee T.'s post.

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