[Ashlee T.]

As a woman in her 30's...I am surrounded by friends who are making big life decisions like engagement, marriage, babies, home buying, etc. Now days, there is a party for EVERYTHING and I have found it to be so overwhelming.

When I bought my home, I did not have a housewarming party. I did not want people to buy me gifts or feel like they needed to. Buying a home was MY decision and I prepared for it. After I lived here and got settled in, I had a "Girls Night" party where I invited my girlfriends to bring a food dish and their favorite board games. This became a tradition we all loved. But no one ever had to feel pressured to come bearing gifts.

Right now, I have a friend on her second baby. I decided planning her a small sprinkle shower would be nice, so that was totally my doing.....but I think because of the way society is today with all these parties, it's hard not to feel pressured......as if you're not a good friend if you don't do this stuff. So anyway, I buy gifts for that, buy the dessert and decor. Then get an invitation in the mail to another friends baby shower. Then an invitation to another friends housewarming party. I feel overwhelmed financially by all of this. It is also frustrating when my friends (who make far less than me) are able to buy all these gifts without hesitation, simply because they have husbands who also earn an income. I'm the one over here having to financially support 100% of my life..

So.....life decisions: engaged = engagement party, wedding = bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding shower, baby = gender reveal party, baby shower, and then holiday gifts for the child etc. I LOVE my friends.....but how much money am I expected to spend to celebrate THEIR life decisions?

Am I being selfish or has our society gotten a bit out of control with this stuff?

[amy40]

Hmmm, wondering where you live because never even heard of a gender reveal party. And most people I know only have baby showers for first child. None of my friends nor I had an engagement party or bachelorette party, either. Don't know anyone who had an engagement party. (is that a ritual for rich people ?) Never been to a house warming party, either. Wherever you live, it seems like the people are over obsessed with getting gifts, because we don't do half those parties where I live. And what's the difference between bridal shower and wedding shower?

[atskitty2]

I think it's gone out of hand too, BD, to the point of being tactless in some cases that I know of.

I wish I had more time to chat about it, but if I were you I would just no show, or come without a gift. We have an attitude at work, that all pregnant women are thrown showers, and there are a lot of them, and I simply don't appreciate the accompanying attitude that we must buy gifts for them all. There have been 6 babies born in the last year alone...More on the way. It's out of control.
I'm all gifted out...Lol. I enjoy giving gifts but it's meant to be from the heart, not an expected chore, which is what it's become.

[Ashlee T.]

Amy - In the south. Not sure if that makes the difference or what. I've been invited to two gender reveal parties within the last couple months. One of them specified that gifts are welcome, and the other did not. Now, two baby showers and a housewarming party in the next month. Engagement parties are a thing here too. It's not something every engaged couple does, but it's not rare either. I have an acquaintance having an engagement party on NYE. I wasn't invited (I know her parents more than I know her), thank goodness. haha. It's also common here to have housewarming parties. Much like gender reveal parties they are usually a "gift optional" sort of thing, but who wants to be the ONE person to show up giftless? My girlfriends were chatting yday about going in together and buying these $80 lamps for our friends housewarming party. Yeah...that's only $25 or so a piece, but it's $25 more than I planned to spend especially considering it's a two hour drive to even get there.

The bridal shower is usually something where people (women) get gifts for the bride. The wedding shower (which some people just combine with the wedding itself) is usually gifts for the couple that they've registered for. It's gotten to the point where now couples even register for visa gift cards to put toward their honeymoon. Most of these couples have lived together for years so they don't even NEED things. If there is no separate wedding shower, most people bring some sort of gift to the wedding for the reception.

ATS - Same here. I work with mostly older women, but the few younger ones have certainly had work parties thrown for them for their weddings, babies, graduations, etc. And they're people I'm not even close with. The whole concept just drives me crazy.

[amy40]

I've been invited to two gender reveal parties within the last couple months.

Just looked this up, since never even heard of it. The article found about it, pretty much said it's narcissistic and people are too much into celebrating "me.". It almost seems this is one of those new things that has followed on the heels of Facebook, social media, and all the look at me and what I'm doing. I'm not on Facebook so clueless on these latest trends.
But BD, no need to go to everything, just go to parties for your closest friends, those you really want to celebrate with.

[jns]

I agree that there are too many of these parties with expectations of gifts. That being said, a few years ago a colleague was having his first child so he had a baby shower. He had a registry that I picked an automatic bottle warmer from as a gift. He later said that the bottle warmer was very useful. I was happy to get a gift that was useful and not something to set aside.

[Ashlee T.]

amy - I agree completely....but even when it's closest friends it gets overwhelming. It's something ALL the time. And yes, I do think it's a "me" kind of thing.

Jns - I'm totally in favor of a nice shower from close friends and families for the first baby.