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When Someone is Mad at You..........

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  • I have to agree, Texasred. There ARE people who create drama and thrive off it. Thankfully I am not one of those people.

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    • I agree with adub. Having worked in environments that were predominantly male and others (like this one) that are predominantly female, the drama is MUCH more present with the latter. There are always exceptions to the rule, but it seems that men are not necessary LESS emotional they just are more prone to compartmentalize their emotions. For example, the environment I worked in that was nearly all male: They were certainly competitive. They had their likes and dislikes of each other. But from the outside looking in it was never really apparent. There was never anyone pouting because they got upset with something one of the other guys did. There was no cold shoulder. The men just didn't seem to get upset much.

      Fast forward to predominantly women: TOTAL opposite. On any given week, someone is in their office crying, in someone else's office talking about the person down the hall, complaining about their workload, whining because this person gets to do this and they don't, upset that someone said something in a "tone" they didn't like......etc. I'm not exaggerating.

      I have NEVER had a guy friend give me the cold shoulder over something I didn't even know I did. I have also never had a male coworker treat me in a way that made me think "Is he upset with me over something?"

      The differences in the dynamics are very interesting. I guess it's clear which one I prefer. As for my current issue, I believe that if my mindset were coherent and reasonable enough to think "I better keep my distance so I don't ruin our relationship", I would also be clear enough to tell myself that I must not allow my behavior toward that person to reflect anything abnormal. If I knew it was just something I needed to "get over", I would not make her pay the price for that by treating her differently. On the other hand, if I felt she had truly done something wrong to me, I would tell her. And if I felt uncomfortable bringing it up, I would CERTAINLY tell her when she asked me multiple times if everything was okay.
      "Be what you're looking for."

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      • Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster
        I agree with adub. Having worked in environments that were predominantly male and others (like this one) that are predominantly female, the drama is MUCH more present with the latter. There are always exceptions to the rule, but it seems that men are not necessary LESS emotional they just are more prone to compartmentalize their emotions. For example, the environment I worked in that was nearly all male: They were certainly competitive. They had their likes and dislikes of each other. But from the outside looking in it was never really apparent. There was never anyone pouting because they got upset with something one of the other guys did. There was no cold shoulder. The men just didn't seem to get upset much.

        Fast forward to predominantly women: TOTAL opposite. On any given week, someone is in their office crying, in someone else's office talking about the person down the hall, complaining about their workload, whining because this person gets to do this and they don't, upset that someone said something in a "tone" they didn't like......etc. I'm not exaggerating.

        I have NEVER had a guy friend give me the cold shoulder over something I didn't even know I did. I have also never had a male coworker treat me in a way that made me think "Is he upset with me over something?"

        The differences in the dynamics are very interesting. I guess it's clear which one I prefer. As for my current issue, I believe that if my mindset were coherent and reasonable enough to think "I better keep my distance so I don't ruin our relationship", I would also be clear enough to tell myself that I must not allow my behavior toward that person to reflect anything abnormal. If I knew it was just something I needed to "get over", I would not make her pay the price for that by treating her differently. On the other hand, if I felt she had truly done something wrong to me, I would tell her. And if I felt uncomfortable bringing it up, I would CERTAINLY tell her when she asked me multiple times if everything was okay.
        It is always good to hear from someone who has actually experienced something instead of always "data from studies".
        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
        ...
        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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        • Why do you think women are like this? Is it our hormones?

          I was never one of those women, and generally steer away from the drama in any setting, work or personal life. Even when I was younger. I think I went through a phase that I involved myself in some antics, but quickly found my fault and made it right...

          I've worked with some vicious women, and never understood the motivation other than pure meanness and/or jealousy.

          Any other thoughts?

          The men I've seen behave this way has been more out of ambition I thought. An intense drive and the willingness to step on anyone and everyone to accomplish a goal. In so doing, typically ruined their reputation however. It seems that it's expected and nearly acceptable for women, but a man who involved himself in these situations is less accepted by his peers or superiors...
          Anyone with similar experience?

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          • don't remember much drama from any jobs but maybe it's because I never worked yrs and yrs at any one job
            longest ever worked anywhere was about 4 yrs
            anywhere else when a yr hit was ready to move on to something else

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            • I never made friends being a supervisor only when on same level as co-workers

              at mostly women places of work, some of us made friends and would socialize after work (the one thing I miss about work)

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              • I called her into my office and talked last week. I think it's just been her depression. Once I called her attention to it one on one in a more serious setting, she said she had been going through some things and was just trying to "focus" and not get emotionally sidetracked. In other words, I think she's been struggling with her depression again and gets so engulfed in herself that she doesn't necessarily even realize what it looks like to anyone else. I told her I care about her and am always going to be worried if I sense something is wrong. She seemed thankful for my care and we moved past it. She has seemed better since.

                kitty - no clue other than just something innate in most women. Lol
                "Be what you're looking for."

                Comment


                • I'm glad she was able to confide in you, Beautiful Disaster. It is always good when situations are resolved. You did an excellent job of getting her to talk to you. You're obviously very tactful and mature. I am sure things will continue to be right as they can be.

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