[commonsense]

Ok, this is a real situation I'm in. Not making it up for chit chat. I need real advice. Here it goes. I have 2 friends that don't know each other.
I have hung out with both of them but not at the same time. We are not close friends, just casual you know. One of them I had started getting pretty close with (more hanging out with and intimate conversations) than the other, until all of this started happening.

This is the situation: One of the ladies is screwing the other one's husband. I know both sides of the situation because I'm "friends" with both of them. The mistress and the husband know I know because I saw them together. The wife doesn't know I know, but is suspicious because of something I asked her one day. I have been acting like I don't know anything because I don't want to have anything to do with this whole thing. That's what led to the break up of me and my friendship with the mistress. We speak but are know longer close. I have tried to talk the mistress into breaking it off for fear that she is going to get hurt. Not working. I don't want the wife to think that I had anything to do with this whole thing. I'm afraid that when she finds out about the affair and knows that I am friends with the mistress that she will think I'm a rat. She trusts me. What should I do? I know this is a time bomb ready to explode because the wife has confronted him by saying "she knows he's seeing somebody". She just doesn't know who it is.

[C]

Interesting post...It is funny as a friend of ours recently came across somewhat the same situation...She, the wife suspected something was going on, but was not sure...A close friend knew this, but like you, did not want to confront her about it...It was an embarrassing situation for the wife who did not know what was happening behind her back......What happened was really pretty interesting....Whoever did it I don't know...BUT, the wife of the man who was having the affair got a letter in the mail...It was unsigned and whoever wrote it made sure that it could not be traced...It told the whole story of how long and what had been happening. That same day the mistress and the husband got a copy of the same letter....They never found out who sent the letters....

They are now getting a divorce....This is a true story....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hate to be in your shoes.

On one side of it, you've broken off with the mistress, favouring the wife, whilst she is trusting you and therefore, developing a true friendship, perhaps in her eyes. But you state that you are "not close friends".

So, firstly, ask yourself. Could you be close friends? Do you see yourself as a good mate eventually that has the potential to fall apart shortly? Obviously you don't so much with the Mistress.

Secondly, he knows you know. You still kind of communicate with the mistress.

At this point, your not close, so you can play the card of " it was not my business, had i known you for years, OR developed our relationship longer that would have been a different story, i've told him what i think and i knew you knew something was happening, i didn't feel it was my right to tell you, who"..

If you do like the wife and want to develop a friendship then cut ties totally with the Mistress and state, i can't be friends sorry, i don't believe what you are doing is right but i will not be saying anything.

Again, if the shirt hits the fan, your new friend to be can see that you also in addition cut ties, showing a friendship.

I don't think you can be friends with both.

If they are only acquaintences and you don't think you will develop a "bond" of friendship then your motto is simple, you don't interfere in personal relationships, if they don't like that when the time comes you've lost nothing.

CW

[commonsense]

Hate to be in your shoes.

On one side of it, you've broken off with the mistress, favouring the wife, whilst she is trusting you and therefore, developing a true friendship, perhaps in her eyes. But you state that you are "not close friends".

So, firstly, ask yourself. Could you be close friends? Do you see yourself as a good mate eventually that has the potential to fall apart shortly? Obviously you don't so much with the Mistress.

Secondly, he knows you know. You still kind of communicate with the mistress.

At this point, your not close, so you can play the card of " it was not my business, had i known you for years, OR developed our relationship longer that would have been a different story, i've told him what i think and i knew you knew something was happening, i didn't feel it was my right to tell you, who"..

If you do like the wife and want to develop a friendship then cut ties totally with the Mistress and state, i can't be friends sorry, i don't believe what you are doing is right but i will not be saying anything.

Again, if the shirt hits the fan, your new friend to be can see that you also in addition cut ties, showing a friendship.

I don't think you can be friends with both.

If they are only acquaintences and you don't think you will develop a "bond" of friendship then your motto is simple, you don't interfere in personal relationships, if they don't like that when the time comes you've lost nothing.

CW

Thanks you too for getting back with me.

I was originally more interested in the close relationship with the mistress. She made me "promise not to tell" by the way. I'm not interested in a close relationship with the wife, just don't want to be involved in hurting anybody. I don't want to completely break it off with the mistress because I got the feeling she will be running back after the heartbreak. We have agreed that we shouldn't hang out while all this is going down. I told her it made me uncomfortable. It seems it's in full swing with him giving her gifts and such. You know the usual stuff. Oh well.

[rcoreyus]

My take on this is that you should do nothing. Often these situations are more complex than they seem. You "know because you saw them together". Did you see them having sex, or just "together"? You may be right - probably are, but sometimes things are not what they seem. There have been cases where somene has pretended (or claimed) to have an affair in order to break up someone else's marriage.

Since you were told things in confidence, and since you have no way to know what is true and what isn't, I think silence is your best option. That way you cannot accidently be party to some sort of evil scheme.

I'm very sorry you are in this spot.

[commonsense]

My take on this is that you should do nothing. Often these situations are more complex than they seem. You "know because you saw them together". Did you see them having sex, or just "together"? You may be right - probably are, but sometimes things are not what they seem. There have been cases where somene has pretended (or claimed) to have an affair in order to break up someone else's marriage.

Since you were told things in confidence, and since you have no way to know what is true and what isn't, I think silence is your best option. That way you cannot accidently be party to some sort of evil scheme.

I'm very sorry you are in this spot.

This has been going on for about 9 months. She said he had "had a taste of hers" and she was having trouble getting him to stop calling her. I took that as sex. She has been trying to pull back but he want let her. He claims he is in love with her. I've never heard her say she is in love with him, but I know she is. Listen, she is not a bad person. I did get to know her before all this started. She was just lonely and attracted to him. She originally didn't know he was married. They first started just talking on the phone alot. Grew closer and moved it to the house. I think they were both fooling themselves thinking they could just be friends. I told her I talked to the wife and she didn't sound in anyway like someone thinking about getting a divorce. Trying to bring her back to reality. She said he said he wasn't sleeping in the same bed with the wife anymore. I don't believe he's telling the truth of course.

Anyway, I talked to the wife the other day. Had to pick something up from her. She was all happy and talking about an event they had attended and had a good time. I think the mistress is being made a fool of. I think he's having his cake and eating it too.

[Guest]

why bother being friends with anyone who would put you in this position? get out of the middle and shun them. it'll hurt at first but a lot less than what you'll feel if it comes out later.

[commonsense]

why bother being friends with anyone who would put you in this position? get out of the middle and shun them. it'll hurt at first but a lot less than what you'll feel if it comes out later.

I agree. I have pull back from both of them. Life is a lot simplier.

[Fire(m)]

I don't agree. For some reason, and I have no idea what reason that could possibly be...I think you should send me a PM, and tell me the innocent victim (wife's) e-mail address and I'll send her an e-mail from an anonymous source. She deserves to know. I don't know why I feel that way and I'd never reveal the source of my info, but for whatever reason, I think that the wife who has been victimized by this should know.
Cheers.

[commonsense]

I don't agree. For some reason, and I have no idea what reason that could possibly be...I think you should send me a PM, and tell me the innocent victim (wife's) e-mail address and I'll send her an e-mail from an anonymous source. She deserves to know. I don't know why I feel that way and I'd never reveal the source of my info, but for whatever reason, I think that the wife who has been victimized by this should know.
Cheers.

Coward. Tell her yourself! I'm not doing your diry work for you.