[needhelp55]

....

I tend to agree with CW. If you go to stay in a hotel you just want the materialistic things like the carpet, sheets, and paint to be aesthetically appealing the rest doesn't really matter as long as you're comfortable for the night. However, if you are planning to buy a house for you to live in and love for the rest of your life you want to know its history, how its foundation is, and other more in depth things. If you buy the house and find out it has termites and many people have died in there its going to mess with your head and you'd be mad particularly when you were led to believe it was a relatively new house with no issues. Furthermore, I told her everything about me, things that were hard to tell but I figured that if she were going to be with me I wanted her to know the good the bad and the ugly. She however on the otherhand painted me a false picture and I feel like that is messed up and once I saw the real picture I don't know what to do. People please read my thread and please give advice and opinions HELP. For those who have I appreciate your time and effort greatly

[rcoreyus]

Its funny, I'm about as far from being a Christian as one can be, but I have a strong tendency to forgive - to give someone a fresh start and to forget past sins.

The previous analog with a house is nice, but in this case I think it is flawed. A house doesn't grow and repair itself. Past flaws will alwasy be there. A person can fix themselves, and can be good and strong, no matter what they did in the past.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

rcoreyus
A person can fix themselves, and can be good and strong, no matter what they did in the past.

You know it's funny that you say that, in as much as I don't disagree.

My point was based on you should feel that you can open up and tell the "right" partner, the one you want to spend your life with everything, without being concerned of what that past was.

You are in the present, and you are heading for your future.

The comments have been based on her changing stories, but:-

The question therefore now comes to mind, why ?

Did she feel that she couldn't be honest?
Did she feel that if she did, you would leave her?
What you now know, had she told you before, what would have been your reaction?

It seems you are agreeing with me in as much as tell it all how it is, but I also said "if this is a person you want to marry", visa versa. I didn't say, if you are just started out in a relationship, you have the right there to disclose what you want and what you don't want.

Perhaps, maybe to get more answers therefore, as really,both rcoyreus and I are correct, because you haven't stated, if this is a new relationship, if you are both talking about future together, or why maybe she felt she couldn't communicate with you.

Did you ask her why?

CW

[needhelp55]

We have been together for over a year. I thought she was the one for me I still am talking to her and still trying to understand. I love her so much but I feel like I've been with someone who in away never existed once I have received this onslaught of truth which is so far from the picture that she has always painted. Hence the whole buying vs. renting analogy in the house example. So yes this was a long term ordeal I did think she was the one to marry and have kids with all of which we have thought about, it was very much so a serious relationship. I feel extremely deceived by this and in a way feel like she is a stranger in a sense. Everything goes against what has ever been stated you know, how is one not supposed to feel lost by all this. Particularly when I put my all into this relationship and told her everything about me you know?

[needhelp55]

...

Also, we have always stated that communication was our pillar of strength in the relationship. We have been able to talk for hours about everything. Come to find out that pillar was hollowed out and full of lies, thus sending what we've built crashing down before our eyes. She's essentially a compulsive liar, she lies about things to avoid conflict she says.

[rcoreyus]

A lot depends on how confessions are received. Some people won't forgive and forget - and confessing past mistakes to them just opens you up to being attacked in the future. I can't tell how needhelp55 responded to any of her early confessions. Did he say something to the effect of "that's OK, it's all in the past, we've all done dumb things", then given her a hug. Or did he react with "You did what!?", then bring it up again where there are future arguments "well you used to be....".

I'm NOT accusing needhelp55, I have no way to know how he responded to the first "confessions". If he was understanding and kind, then I agree that she should trust him. But if he was hostile, then its not surprise she is hiding other things.

[commonsense]

Also adding on, the whole polygraph thing was just brought up a few days ago. That as only after lies throughout the relationship about various things. Some of her stories when she thought it was over were that she wanted to, and liked engaging in acts with others which completely contradicts things she said so this leaves me in the twilight zone. Thanks for the first 2 replies, and I have been tested since I met her in December and everything was fine.

First, I would like to say that any boyfriend of mine that went and talked to my ex about me and especially concerning sex would be automatically my EX boyfriend.

Anytime you feel like someone is telling you a bunch of mixed stories then they are probably lieing to protect/hind something.
If you can't communicate with the one person that you value and is suppose to be special to you than you don't have much.

You should only be talking to her. Trust your instincts.