About a year ago I saw an email that was suspicious, I confronted him, and he reasoned it out, justified it, and I believed him. He said he would not email her again. He used this as an issue in me that he felt was part of a reason he did not feel like we, after being together for 22 yrs, should have "more" together.
Then I was rediagnosed with Breast Cancer about 5 months afterward. He had several incidents of anxiety/panic attacks, even though I was the one diagnosed with cancer. He made attempts to work around my chemo schedule with his on-going business trips, but was not outwardly as "moved" as you would expect a husband to be during a health crisis like this.
Then, on the last round of chemo, I came across explicit pornograpic photos of him and her on his computer, that dated back for almost a year, all over the world, on the business trips he had been taking.
He said I should have expected something, since I was the one always pointing out that he need to show more compassion and support for me, and he was clearly not able to give it to me. He blames his looking outside the marriage, on past incidents between us of untrustworthiness, way back at the start of our marriage. Incidents we went through therapy to fully deal with.
He agreed to therapy again, but I found out recently he has still been communicating with her, even after he and I called her together and emailed her together with the message that she and he were over. He doesn't want to leave me, says he can't imagine his life without me in it. But is sulking and very ambivilent (sp?) about promising me he is not going to communicate with her, since they had such a long relationship and he feels it is unrealistic of me to expect he turn it off like a switch.
Our therapist feels he is asking for me to wait for him to come to a decision on if he wants to stay or go, and and his new sense of living an honest life and telling me he is still communicating with her should be met by me in an understanding of his honesty.
I'm not done with my cancer issues, and leaving him right now is just not something I'm able to do, not to mention, I need what little he has in way of his supporting me, both financially and emotionally, when he chooses to be caring.
I'm stuck, I feel he won't break it off with her becasue he wants to know if it can go anywhere, but he can't explore that with her as long as I'm an anchor around his leg. But I can't turn my lovefor him off over night either, and as horrible as it has been to slowly discover the intimate details fo a year long affair, during a time of life when his lies have rocked me to the core of falling off the edge, I still find myself wanting to make it work with him.
How long can I wait, how long should I wait, for him to make a decision? Part of me thinks he wants me to end it with him, so he doesn't look so bad to everyone else.
Then I was rediagnosed with Breast Cancer about 5 months afterward. He had several incidents of anxiety/panic attacks, even though I was the one diagnosed with cancer. He made attempts to work around my chemo schedule with his on-going business trips, but was not outwardly as "moved" as you would expect a husband to be during a health crisis like this.
Then, on the last round of chemo, I came across explicit pornograpic photos of him and her on his computer, that dated back for almost a year, all over the world, on the business trips he had been taking.
He said I should have expected something, since I was the one always pointing out that he need to show more compassion and support for me, and he was clearly not able to give it to me. He blames his looking outside the marriage, on past incidents between us of untrustworthiness, way back at the start of our marriage. Incidents we went through therapy to fully deal with.
He agreed to therapy again, but I found out recently he has still been communicating with her, even after he and I called her together and emailed her together with the message that she and he were over. He doesn't want to leave me, says he can't imagine his life without me in it. But is sulking and very ambivilent (sp?) about promising me he is not going to communicate with her, since they had such a long relationship and he feels it is unrealistic of me to expect he turn it off like a switch.
Our therapist feels he is asking for me to wait for him to come to a decision on if he wants to stay or go, and and his new sense of living an honest life and telling me he is still communicating with her should be met by me in an understanding of his honesty.
I'm not done with my cancer issues, and leaving him right now is just not something I'm able to do, not to mention, I need what little he has in way of his supporting me, both financially and emotionally, when he chooses to be caring.
I'm stuck, I feel he won't break it off with her becasue he wants to know if it can go anywhere, but he can't explore that with her as long as I'm an anchor around his leg. But I can't turn my lovefor him off over night either, and as horrible as it has been to slowly discover the intimate details fo a year long affair, during a time of life when his lies have rocked me to the core of falling off the edge, I still find myself wanting to make it work with him.
How long can I wait, how long should I wait, for him to make a decision? Part of me thinks he wants me to end it with him, so he doesn't look so bad to everyone else.
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