[misslili]

I noticed alot of other people are having some of the same issues...I didn't realize that it was so common. My husband-we have been married 5 1/2 years, no kids-started out just watching porn. No big deal there, although he seemed to watch an ENORMOUS amount, but I suspect that's normal for men. Then he began to chat online. That bothered me when I caught him, so he stopped that. I check up on him on the computer regularly. But now, he is texting two different girls--one he met online and one he used to work with. The one he met online always contacts him. Most of the time he ignores her, but if he happens to be feeling down, he'll answer and they have inappropriate conversations for a married man. She knows he's married because I answered one of her texts, but it doesn't seem to bother her. The woman he worked with only lives about 30 minutes away. That one really bothers me because of the easier access...it's not just fantasy, they know each other. When I confronted him recently, he told me he was very unhappy with himself right now. He doesn't feel successful because he is still in school--10 years now, he has ADD and has extreme trouble with tests. He works at a good job, but feels he should have more of a career by now. He also is having erectile dysfunction problems due to his blood pressure meds and feeling pretty bad about that. What I'm wondering is whether this is truly a way to build himself up in someone's eyes or just a load of and he just wants to get his jollies on the phone. Is the next step meeting this woman he worked with somewhere? She is also married, but fully participates in the sex talk. Should I dump him or try to get him to find help? I'm sick of wondering what or who he might do!

[Joy]

Yeah its very discouraging when you come across this. I know you are annoyed, hurt, confused at least you can see his point of view and remain so what calm. Have you always had a good relationship?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It sounds to me that firstly he is being honest with you, and communicating.

It also sounds like you are a trusting person and accept things.

I personally think he is down and out and trying to find ways in which to correct things for himself...

I think he has been through a lot, going through a lot and wants to still feel sexy and alive.

As Joy said, how is your relationship?

CW

[misslili]

Our relationship is alright. It's been a tough year or so with this online stuff. We've been together for almost 11 years and I do love him. I also understand him very well, but lately I wonder if it isn't about time for him to come to terms with things. We've been through alot and almost split a few years ago when his father, who suffers from a brain injury and other health problems, lived with us. I know that he will feel better once he graduates, but that is next May and I don't think I can put up with this that long. It took me catching him three times before he really admitted how he was feeling. But he isn't one to engage in that type of conversation very often. I try hard to make sure he knows what he means to me, but maybe not enough. He says it means nothing, and he is going to stop, but then I catch him again. How many times before he takes it further?

[TWills32]

I think you should talk to him and tell him that it really hurts your feelings. Let him know that you do love him and give him praise for his hard work. Just be completely honest with him. Pour your heart out. If he still continues to text, I would suggest counseling.

[Mrs Muse]

I wouldn't tolerate it. It's still wrong. But then again, I'm an odd sort of person. I can forgive a random act of sex by chalking it up to men being sexual driven critters but I couldn't forgive a text (which is what I'm going through now) if it seemed he was getting something emotional out of the woman, even sexual in nature.

[Mommiesbabies]

i've been thru this..i think sometimes if a man or woman is going thru things personally and not really expressing it to you sometimes the affection or attention from a stranger give em some kind of rush or needed boost of confidence..its not right but the best thing i communication. tell him how you feel..and see where it goes from there. let him feel secure in talking to you bout anything.