[annoyedRN]

hello everyone,
i am new, this is myfirst post. here's my situation, i am not really looking for advice since i am done with this "relationship" i guess i just want opinions here.
i met a guy in march of this year. we met at a retreat. he was married and i was/still am, in a serious relationship. i had a lot going on during that time...had an ill family member at home and completely lost my sex drive. while we were on the retreat we ended up sleeping together. it felt great and i was able to regain what i had lost..my high sex drive. the retreat was a week and we had great sex ever since.
since then my sex life with my boyfriend has been wonderful and i am very greatful for that. as far as this other guy goes we have seen each other off and on since march. however because we aren't on the retreat anymore and aren't far away from where we currently live, the excitement and motivation to want to keep our "f*&k buddy " relationship isn't worth it to me.
he texts me constatnly though and still tries to get with me. i'm so sick of it.
last night i came out and asked him....why do you want to sleep with me so bad?...
his response: you are my type of girl, slim , tall and very sensual....
my response: you are married
his response: i know it cofuses me too. everything in at home is great, i don't know why i'm doing this..

i'm over him. completely, i will not be communicating with him anymore. my question is: why do men cheat then if everything at home is ok? or is there more that he isn't or doesn't want to tell me?
just curious, thanks!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Same reason as why you cheated. Something missing at that time in the relationship...

Although once a man is a cheater, he likes the thought of having (2) women i think, it makes him feel like "the man"... and let's face it' it usually is good sex because it's the un-known and un-attainable eventually, it's in the now.

CW

[Guest]

+1 to what CW said.

have to add that you ask a question about men cheating, when you should probably be asking yourself why you kept on seeing him for months? Is there more you are not admitting to yourself?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Fair point to the above, whilst you didn't want advice, it is true... you state that your got your sexual life back with your long time boyfriend but still kept this man on the side, from time to time...

Now, your ready to say seeya..

Well, emotions also play a part.. You do get to know someone once you become intimate, not many people want to let go of that of which they have.

Really the Retreat should have been the end of it, because it shows that you really aren't that happy in the home front to keep it going for as long as you did, based on what you are stating.

Kind of like - you made the bed -

I don't believe you should be nasty to this guy therefore... Gently continue to tell him you are happy now but care as a person but really can't do it anymore it's not in you anymore...

He doesn't need to feel like trash for going along with what was started.

CW

[TrueStory]

Well, since i am a guy, and i wanted chime in from a "guy's perspective"

couple reasons:
- Variety. Probably the most common one. I know many of my married friends cheated because they wanted something different.

- Excitement. The rush of sneaking around makes a guy feel like a bad boy. It's also forbidden;

- Ego. A man can be dedicated to one woman, but having multiple women want him, strokes his ego. The feeling that he's wanted overcomes his moral senses.

- False sense of well being. Just because he says "everything is great at home" doesn't usually mean EVERYTHING. Like CW says, something is missing, probably, exciting sex life.

- Some people are just more compatible with each other than others. He might be more into you than into his wife, doesn't mean he's not into his wife, but you turn him on more. You probably do things better than his wife does. You probably more sexually liberated in bed.

my .02 cents.