[24glenda]

well ladies its me again..how do u cope with the past of ur partner when i mean the past, i mean when we were married like 10 months ago my husband cheated with a female in a game called wow world of warcrart, i forgave him because he told me it was a one thing only i trusted him so i stayed.yesturday monday got into an argument and he brought up the past bout me and my ex..so i brough up his cheating right i know i did wrong by doing that..we started arguing, and he told me that he messed around with her more than once..ladies if he would of told me that it wasent a one day when it happened i would of left him right there and would of move on.now i dont even know what to do about it? being married young sucks...im only 20 got married when i was 17 and a half ...ahhhhhh(sigh)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Glenda.

You have so much laughter in you, don't let it go... And, don't do it to hide your real feelings either.

He, plays warcraft what ever 8pm - 3am every day, he cheated via this game, we told you about the porn side and you say you will tell him it might make him laugh..

You have a child to this man. He verbally abuses you, puts you down, hard on in the morning well no offense, that's all good.

What do you really want out of life hey?

Just because your married and have a child doesn't mean that you are not important and he can do what ever he wants, say what ever he wants, cry and make you feel bad and get you back again to be with him does it?

Yes, you have issues, you need to see your own self worth, whom you are, you were young 17..... young.

Why not say how you really feel? What you would way love out of a marriage? What is it you dream of?

CW

[24glenda]

belive it or not i hide my sadness in a smile i laugh when never im sad crying. i been told its not a good thing because i dont express how i feel.and its true i dont express it.thank u for the advice it helps alot.thank u for taking the time too

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I could see that sweet... A haha.. kind of makes it all hidden...

Well remember something here... We don't know you, we are not shrinks (haha) and you can feel free to share what ever you want, kind of like your own personal diary only it answers back how funny is that? Laughing for real this time? lol.

You feel down write here... It's a good place to do it ok.

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

So to your question?

Well i am a believe that past is past... And, sure, if you bring up past then it's not healthy for the relationship... He decided to do that... Bring up your ex.. And, from what you have said, probably only had 1 or 2 from your age and the time you have been with this guy.

Off course, it's natural to "defend" that's all you did. You basically said, well excuse me but, whilst I have been "with you" look what you have done, what ever you did before him is your business.

He seems quite cutting with his words, like he doesn't care if he hurts you... To state, "I messed around with her more than once".. That must have way hurt, and I am sorry he was so calous..

What would I do?

Go back home and find someone who deserved me.

CW

[24glenda]

i wish i had the guts to do that.(sigh)leave him but im scared to find myself without him..(stupid me)i just came back from a walk right know and saw one of my friends she been with this guy for 4 years and finnaly she left him..im was like..u have guts..she told me when u try so hard and u r feed up ready to quit thats when i know to leave him..im just going to focus more on myself and my son..guys come an go

[CHANDLERS WISH]

No truer words spoken .. "guys come and go"...

I think you have to get to the point where there is nothing left in you to give, you just wake up saying eweee can't cope being here anymore and then you leave.

I did.

You will, when you are ready.

So, good idea, start on yourself first, it will give you more confidence, and wear that dress with your new, toned butt with pride, and love your child as you do.

Actually, i am a terror, when i drive to work ( when i remember) i play "Pink" and start doing butt exercises as I am driving all the way to work 20 minutes... Not as hard as squats and lunges and a bit of fun cause it's too music.

Ohh was I mean't to write that on another thread? ha..

Hope you smiled.

CW

[24glenda]

lol thanks it made me laugh.i just ate and so bloated..lol..

[Guest]

this is how i go into a relationship with someone new:
thier past is thiers, i wasnt in it so it is not for me to say. no matter if she was with 2 guys or 30 guys.
and same with me, my past is mine.
BUT, while we are together now from this point alot is my business just as it is her of me.
(hope i didnt confuse anyone)

if we get into an argument we say what it is about the argument, not to bring up stuff that has nothing to do with it. and once it is said, it shouldnt be brought up again as it was already done. even if our argument takes a few days.

now if its cheating, i will never forgive a cheater, or a lier. whole new ball game.

but if i read it correctly, you are no longer married, so why does it matter and why are you both talking about past relationships anymore. if you have a child together, only talk albout the child, safety for the child and well being for the child.
if you both want to get together and reconcile, more power to you both but you need more time than a few months if this past is a problem between you both.

your young, unfortunately you will go through this but either of you can not dwell on the past either way.

[WildChild]

I've hated my past before but it's what made you who you are and got you where you are today. The difficulties should have also been learning experiences and the frustrations should make you more sensitive to other's situations. We all make mistakes, misjudgements, misconsiderations, you have to learn what you can from them and move on. Anything else will simply cause you to get stuck in the past and who wants that?

Look at your past with the eye of love and tollerance. You did what you did at the time for a reason, maybe it wasn't well considered but at the time it seemed like what needed to be done. Look for patterns of behavior, are there things you can change if you are aware of them? Better choices you can make if a similar situation comes up?

I'm sure when you married, you were loving and looking forward to the future. I certainly was, I was crazy about my husband when we married and stayed that way probably longer than I should have, given how I was treated but you do what seems best at the time. Some where along the line it became apparent that it wasn't working. Then you do what you have to do to keep your sense of self. In some ways we expect more from our relationships than women did in the past. We are willing to tollerate less neglect and abuse, less willing to be sexually and emotionally unsatisfied. We also have less connection to other women and expect our men to fill that gap and most aren't well suited to it. They may be good men but make lousy gf substitutes. Stay positively connected to other women.

Glenda this isn't too clear, you're married 3-1/2 years, he had an online relationship? You and he may be giving the gaming too much sense of reality. Is he addicted?