[Joy]

Passion i know your days are lonely but that is why everyone is telling you to focus on you.... don't focus on the why and him focus on you. Write that list of dreams for you, go for that walk, dream for you.

He said you gave up on "us" when you let yourself and the house go...... well ya know what a caring partner would have pointed that out to you at the time. A loving partner WOULD have helped you to find your way too. A caring partner would NOT conitune on their path draining the rest of your spark to their betterment knowing in the end they would leave when their ship finally came in.

A caring partner would have realized you had nothing left to give to yourself that you were giving it all to him. NOT KEEP ON TAKING.

SO... you put on a few pounds and the house wasn't up to code.... WIPPEE FRIGGIN DO..... in the grand scheme of life does that really matter if you truly love your mate. DID HE ever stop to think maybe you let yourself and house go a lil cause you in the end stopped caring about his dreams..... cause none of yours were coming true too... that maybe your dreams were not even heard.... that there really wasn't enough room in the relationship for both of you to win.

stop and think about this.... a relationship is give and take and there has to be time for renewal. Both people have to win, both people have to have dreams, both people have to invest and help each other. NOT for the betterment of one the betterment of BOTH.

For someone you spent 15 years with to sit on the phone thru all of this he hasn't even had the backbone to FACE you..... YOU DESERVE better treatment. This man has no intergrity, no deceantcey, no respect for self or for others.

He sat on the phone saying he was gonna focus on him, he was gonna focus on being happy for him........... duh its what he's been doing all along. Wild Child has said many times women keep giving to the destruction of themselves.

DON'T YOU DARE give up on yourself now.... you need you the most right now.

Passion i do not mean any of this harsh towards you.... I want you to step away from this and be 10Xs the woman you were weeks ago. I don't want any person to step on you again doesn't matter what type of relationship you are in.... a lover, friends, co workers, strangers....

OMG if i lived by you i would hunt him down and smack him... haha not that violence solves anything FYI

[Passion]

Thank you all for your words it really truly means a lot. I guess I am still in disbelief. I went to have my hair done and I felt better but that only lasts for so long. I went to spend some time shopping and spend time with my friends something I haven't done for a long

[Passion]

continue.... but in reality when I go home and I lay in bed my thoughts keep rambling on. the first few days I used to wake up so early I could not sleep now I don't want to wake up cuz I don't want to think. I know I need to be strong but it is hard. It is hard to believe that I was with a man for so long and did not really know who he was. He disappointed me so much. It really hurts and my heart feels empty. I know I need to face this reality and I am so upset and angry that I haven't stood up for myself.

[Fallen1]

Passion,

I've been reading your threads but haven't replied but once. Although my relationship was only a little over 3 year, nothing compared to 15, I understand exactly where you are as I have been there and still am.

My relationship ended a little over three months ago - August 25th. I understand what it's like not knowing how you're going to make it or what you are going to do. I understand dreading and hating the weekends. Believe me I know how hard it is.

Trust me, each day will get a little easier. Although I admit I have a long way to go to recover, I can at least say I am in much better shape than I was this time last month.

Hang in there!

[WildChild]

Passion, you put a lot of years in this, now it's time to start giving to yourself. Good job getting your hair done! Now how about cleaning up and out? Anything in the closet you don't love, goes out. You set your alarm, get up every morning, eat a good healthy breakfast, put on make up, wear ear rings everyday Start exersizing, walk, run, work with weights, just get active.

You feel you didn't know who he was, it's probably more that you din't know who he is now. He's changed, you've changed, people do that over time. In an optimal situation they grow together and support each other's development, some times they grow apart and some times they just get stale. This is your time to get busy. You chose the moniker Passion. What are you passionate about? Get out and go for it!

[Joy]

Passion i'm sorry if i hurt your feelings I know it is hard. I have not spent 15 years Invested into the same man. I know your world shattered. I'm not asking you to do anything you can't do but i want you to get up and love yourself each day..... you are worth it.

Rest regroup and regain your strength to move forward

[Passion]

JOy, there are no harsh words for me anymore. I thank you all for your support and I am sure glad that I have this to turn to. I do need to learn to love myself, I have invested so much in him and in our relationship that I did forget about myself and maybe that is why i let myself go. I know I need to start thinking about myself, my dreams, and what I am going to do. I never lived on my own I always lived with my family or with him I guess now I have the chance to. The reason i had chosen passion was because I always felt so passionate about my feelings for him. but enough is enough I just hope that I can learn to sort out my feelings soon I dont want to dwell on this forever. I am also passionate about animals that is why it is so hard to have to give them up. I feel like I abandoned my dogs too and that makes me feel horrible.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Passion...

I am an extremely "passionate person" I don't give up on anything, I give till the cows come home and I try until I can't try anymore....

My time was half of the time that you speak...

My situation different, however, still, being deserted, un-loved, spat on is how you feel, after "giving your all"...

19 Months later, I am in a place where I have never been happier in my life, and I have been this way for a while now, but more so now, even better, I now look at that stage of my life as , only give now to those whom give back, ... It opens your eyes to what and who you really are.

In time, mark my words, you will see it as 15 years wasted, as you grow and become you again and find you... And, he will fall flat on his butt and he will get hurt, what comes around goes around..

Look at some of these threads, where their life was pain, but now joy, in a new life, new relationship, all taking time.

You have time.. Now spend it wisely, instead of being "alone" understand you can now dance naked, with a glass of wine and say give a shirt, or make a sandwich instead of cooking, because you can...

Time will help you, but you need to open your eyes and really see those 15 years...

Alot of the time you were just as lonley I imagine, just being... Just doing... Just living... Not laughing and feeling.

Think back the last 5 years......

Think forward what do you want the next 5?

CW

[Searching_82]

Wow Joy..that even inspired me! I feel like I should go burn my bra or something! (no i am not being a smartass lol)

[Saher]

i agree with you