[geogeo]

It has been nearly two months since my fiance left me now. I still have my house up for sale and the car also. I feel so numb inside and like a robot going throught the motions. The only thing keeping me going is getting away from the area and the pain. Does it sound strange when I say the only thing I look forward to are my bed at night and dreaming of selling my house tomorrow. The bed because I can go under the cover and no one can hurt me. Sometimes if Im lucky I close my eyes and forget for a while that it is not happening to me and that he is beside me. It doesnt last long though because I feel hurt again after the way he has just walked out on me 3 months before my wedding and how he could just shut me out his life so easily. Not easy for me I wish it was I really do. Im so lonely it is like a big chunk of my heart went with him and it hurts so much. I see families with children ...couples that have been married years and have each other and here I am alone starting again with nothing but myself.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Unless, you start to see the positives in this, look back, really see what you were going to marry, remember? Ruins, debts, lies, .............you will fall into a bottomless pit and won't be able to get out of it.

What wonderful things occured?

What horrible lies occured?

You only see the picket fence, white dress, ring... Look closer at the future you would have had and realise how lucky you really are.

Now you can find someone who will be "honest" with you, you will sell your house, and your car... Had you stayed, the banks would have been selling them..

Try to write it all down on paper, much like you are doing here, but instead of sad, depressed, write what was good on one side, and what was wrong/bad on the other side.

Then ask if the good things you liked could really be had with another person, normal happiness...

It's time for you to see all the new things, excitement and happiness that is to come and the lies, cheating with finances, emails regarding rings, etc that you had.

CW

[Hopeless Dork]

Great advice CW. I think when we are heartbroken we tend to alter the reality of our memories. Thinking about the magic that could have been instead of the truth of the impending sorrow we were actually saved from.

The list is a great idea put everything in perspective and see how all and all, you are better off it wasn't meant to be. That just means there is something else that IS meant to be.. and its just waiting around the corner.

[Passion]

Geogeo, I understand what you are going through, I am goind through it myself. It is hard and it almost seems as impossible. Would you have rather married him and have that happened two years into your marriage? Either way is hard I know because I feel the same way you do. Its that you selling your house seems to be more real now all that is happening. Just know that you are not at fault if it happened then it had to happen. If you need to think about the good times then do it but then let it go because like you said the good times were in the past and is no longer. Move forward, try your hardest, I won't lie to you and tell you that it is not hard. Right now it will seem as you won't be able to make it but day by day you are.

[rest1234]

I've been there. there is nothing I can say that will change the god awful pain

it takes time and thats sucks I know I never thought I could feel the alone.

20 years pulse latter thinking of that time is still hard.

However while this is of little help for you know,
It took me almost 10 year to trust again then I meet my wife. I love her and I'm Glad She the one thoughts of my ex-fiancées are still there Just in a faded sought of way.

Hang in There

[geogeo]

thanks so much for yuor posts. I can only descirbe this point in my life as a black hole. My emotions are so up and down. One day I think I might just get throught this and the next I weep like a baby scared of where Im going or how I will survive. Im crying writing this but I dont know if I can put this into words so you will understand but i will try. you will propably think what the is she on about....when I hurt inside and miss him and think of him some part of me believes inside he misses me to. Sometimes I think I can even feel his confusion and pain. Then I get angry at myself and remind myself that he left me and I feel even more confused. Why do I believe he loves me after the way he has treated me? I just dont know? I want to hate him but I just cant do it and I feel so much love and more so now I want to prove to him I can be a better person. I should not have got angry at him about his debts...if you love someone nothing is to much .....Even now i know if he came back I would listen and convince myself it could work even after all the hurt he has put me through. Im at work...making loads of mistakes and just trying to keep it together is proving a difficult task .Im really forgetful and sometimes I wonder if I will loose my job. how can things ever improve when you are in love with someone and they dont want you?

[rest1234]

Hang In there I understand how hard it is. If writing helps then Kept write.

[geogeo]

Well some time has pased since I last wrote on this. It has been a difficult time. I still am trying to sell the car and the house but am a little stronger. I have not seen him since he left and I am now trying to get back on my feet so I can move forward. It is so hard and at times I think about what could have been but they dont feel the same. They believe with all their heart they have made the right chioce and I just think that the person that leaves always finds it easier. That hurts to admit but they are not in the same place that we are and I know there are no guarantees in life and that people do fall out of love and paths change. It is the way he went about leaving before the wedding, the way he stole his bike back the way he never cared how I was when I was on my knees. These things make me realise that he is not a man to have done what he has done and the love I felt for him is evaporating. I have one more hurdle to jump. I have paid for the honeymoon and willnot get any money back. I dont know if I should go on my own or not. I dont want to take two steps back and be really sad. It will be hard on my own but then I think why should i waste 2 and a half thousand pounds? Life is a gift and every oportunity or a memory we get chance to make I think we should grasp with two hands. Only Im sacred to see couple together just married, happy and in love. There will be me alone and thinking he should be here with me now. What should I do I dont know.....I tossed a coin 3 times and said if it lands on heads moe I will go...It did and now Im back tracking on this. Please help? what shall I do? will the holiday tip me over the edge? There is no one that can come with me so It will be on my own.