[suzy21]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, im currently pregnant of him 7 months... Since i became pregnant he changed with me, we werent kissing like before, we werent making love as before, he wasnt telling me he loved me, and all he did everyday was go in the pc for 11 hours per day... I started going crazy fighting because i wanted some attention, but nothing made him change, i started lookig in his pc and found alot of porn, i told him it bothered me he said it was old and erased it, so again i kept looking and kept finding more things like a myspace he made with a fake email and he had pictures of himself he talked to plenty girls there that he knew from before me, he put he was single, this was yesterday that i found that then i left his house, he told me he would delete it and he deleted the myspace today he said it didnt mean anything to him, so today im here at my cousins house and started looking to see what other things he has been doing behind my back and found on another website that he wrote to a bunch of girls that he wanted to hook up to get to know the person and also he wrote a girl that he also stays in miami and for them to meet up in starbucks, alot more other things alot more other conversations that have broken my heart in million pieces, i feel so betrayed we had the best relationship ever, the i started fighting and he claims that is the reason why he kept talking to girls online which i dont believe... im in a high risk pregnancy i have been in bed rest for a while and i dont know what to do anymore can someone please help me i have been through with him he has an addiction with the pc and i feel he betrayed my trust, i dont know what to do i was going to take him back and try to work things out when i found the myspace but then when i actually read some conversation he has ad with girls made me realize how can he claims to be in love with me when he is trying to hook up with girls? Please someone help me !

[kms]

Oh my goodness, sorry to hear about this... how overwhelming your life must be right now. Pregnant, bf cheating - your world must feel like it's crashing down all around you. How old are you? I wonder if there's a teen crisis center or a pregnancy center that you could visit that would have counseling available for minimal cost so that they could help you through all this. You really have to take care of yourself, especially since you're high risk! Being in a highly negative emotional state can have a really negative affect on your child, and you definitely don't want that to happen.

Your bf is very selfish, and clearly is only thinking about one thing - not his actual brain, the other one. Perhaps you were just a conquest as well, except it didn't go as planned and now he's trying to be responsible by holding on to you, yet thinks he can still live his regular life as getting as many sexual conquests as possible. Doesn't sound like he loves you - he just keeps going behind your back and lying to you. My advice? Run. Get out. You don't want that kind of guy being a father to your child! He won't stop his behavior when you're in a very risky state of health - your life and your baby's life is at risk - and he's still too self-centered to care?? He's a loser and you deserve much better than that. Later down the road when things calm down, you'll thank yourself for doing the right thing and taking care of yourself, since he obviously has no desire to do so.

[suzy21]

Hi KMS... Yes my life is very overwhelming right now, i feel like my life has been destroyed, the only thing that keeps me alive is my baby... I am 21 yrs old he is 28 yrs old..I feel so heart broken and betrayed i dont know what to do or think anymore i feel like everything was a lie and he just played me like a toy he lied to me left and right and now he is trying to blame everything on me by saying he did all that because i kept fighting with him, i dont think thats an excuse for what he has been doing i kept fighting because i was trying to get him to give me attention i felt and feel so lonely.. I need someone to speak to but i dont know where to call because i have to be in complete bed rest i can only get up to use the bathroom.. Thank you so much for your reply i already left him and i guess time will heal my broken heart.. Thank you so much

[kms]

hi suzy,

where are you located? if you don't want to say, that's fine - you could do a google search for 'help for pregnant women' or something like that in your area to see what you could find. I'm sure there are local clinics that would have services that you could utilize. If you're in college the university health center should have counseling available as well.

I'm glad you've left him. It's really hard right now I'm sure... you just want the one person you thought was the center of your world in your life right now... and he's gone. But it's better that way - you don't need a person like that in your life, and your baby certainly doesn't either.

[suzy21]

Hey KMS i am in Miami, Fl i have tried searching on google but everywhere i called i actually have to go in person and im not allowed to get up from bed just to use the bathroom and when i have to see my Ob once a week! You know he was my first everythng i thought he was really in love with me but all this time i was just a joke, he is tellng me it was my fault for accussing him so much and for always fightng he also said he never met up with any of the girls that he was just talkng to them but still the damage has been done i wont ever be the same ever! Do u know maybe about a counselor i can speak to over the phone?

[sourpuss]

Sorry Suzy, you're going through a lot right now. You did the right thing leaving him. Trust this. Also, don't believe it when he says you caused it. That's a load of BS. Are you going to keep the baby or is adoption an option for you at this point? Do you have a support system to help you once the baby comes?

[suzy21]

Hey Sourpuss! Thank you soooo much for your reply! i would never give my baby up for adoption she wasnt a mistake or anything like that and i love her like crazy ! the only help i have right now is my mother i need to get some help from somewhere else! I am scared because he threated me if i get with someone else when the baby is born he said he will take her away from me! is that possible? i told him he wont ever see the baby and wont even know when she is born! he said he will accuse me for kidnapping because its illegal what im going to do! Can u help me i dont know what to do!

[OnAMission2009]

Hi suzy21...
You sure are going through a lot with this man. Just to encourage you, though, you have done the right thing by leaving. He sounds like a toxic relationship for you. Blaming you is definitely not the approach he should be taking if he really wants back in. To answer your questions on the baby...He cannot take her away from you because you start seeing someone else. Your best bet is to keep records of everything he says to you or does to you (like on a calendar) and keep any of the evidence you have up till now just in case he ever tries to push for rights. He is only saying those things to frighten you...he doesn't seem to be doing anything to help you right now so I don't know how much he thinks he will get after she is born. He can't accuse you of kidnapping since you were never married and do not have a formal custody agreement. You have shown that you are a very strong person by not tolerating this behavior from him. Check with a local legal aid agency to find out your rights and his so that he cannot threaten or frighten you again...arm yourself with knowledge and he will have nothing on you!!!!

[suzy21]

Thank You so much OnaMission2009!!! I am stupid though because everytime he calls i pick up the one, i need to be strong to just let him go completely but i dont know how im scared of loosing him, i am in love with him but i dont want to be with someone that needs to be chatting with other girls and trying to meet other girls, he keeps saying he didnt meet up with anyone but i dont know i cant trust him and i dont believe anything he tells me anymore.. I think i need professional help!! Does anyone know someone i can speak to on the phone like a crisis line or something?

[Lulu]

I feel that the baby should be your number one issue right now and yourself since this is a high risk pregnancy and your health is of up most importance. I am sure that this is causing you undue stress which cannot be helping at all. When this baby comes it will change many things and your BF whether he likes it or not is going to be a father with responsibilities. I think you should give him a chance to make things right and one of those is to do what is right for this baby, his daughter. Have you considered going to a therapist for couples?? Having a third party involved in this may help both of you and even if you never get back together again talking to a therapist may help you both of you deal with this new arrival. If you decide to stay together and work things out have you thought about marriage?? A stable home and two parents is the ideal but at any rate it will take both of you to raise this little girl and she really does deserve to have both of you in her life. Good Luck and I hope this doesn't sound like a lecture