[wife]

my husband of 15 yrs and i are having a difficult time.
I love him but sometimes i cant stand him and wish he would go away, he goes away and i miss him dreadfully, when hes around he annoys me, i get angry at him for not pulling his weight but he does the cooking and helps but its never enough so i call him lazy, he has a very stressful job and so do i, we are on tender hooks alot and very uptight, he wants sex all the time, i dont, he feels rejected when i say no and gets upset and angry with me for not wanting him, then he feels unloved, this makes me feel bad and sometimes i have sex with him just to shut him up and leave me alone.
I am sounding very confused i know, i dont talk to any other friends about this i put on a very happy front and thats the way i like it. I dont want to burden my friends with this but i need to learn to cope with this but am not sure what to do.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You both work, you both have to deal with stress within that work, and probably finance like everyone else, regardless of what you earn, you have debts.

Most wives spit because she works as well as him and he does nothing at all around the house, your husband cooks and helps out.. Don't call him names, that's the first thing that you have to work on, never saying anything that if that person was to die tomorrow you wish you could take back.... Learn to curve your temper in this regard.

You know if he was to move out you would miss him more than terribly. What you need is 1) time out for yourself, no housework, no cooking, no stress, no pressure, so if this means joining a gym, a club, an art class, something that gives you me time go and do it. 2) you need to get out those photos from your wedding, and from before, and during and sit with a glass of wine/beer together and look at them.. Remember, the fun and what it was about? And, why you had so much fun...

With regards to your sex life... It seems that people get the opinion that it's just that sex.. And, so one partner doesn't want it.. Or one partner likes sex more than the other somewhere down the track.. But it's not sex, it's intimacy or can be.. Sensual, sexual or plain horny. The funny thing is the more you have the more you actually like the release it gives you, actually assists in de-stressing and the more you want it.. It's when you don't do it that you don't need it and therefore, don't want it.

Do you really know all about your body? Wouldn't you love to be touched ( not there) but just touched, in such a loving way that you felt sexy and pretty?

This starts with you.. Experiement, start reading books.

Most will say get help via councelling, sex therapists, all sorts...

And, that may be the case.

But have a think about a few of these things, and see if you can change your patterns and both of your lives a little first, and sit and look at those old photos and smile and laugh together...

Your husband is trying...

Your husband must think your sexy to want sex from you all the time....

Your husband must love you...

If you can jump some of these, then go away for a weekend and enjoy all aspects of it, friendship, relationship, love and intimacy.

CW

[rcoreyus]

Its easy to fall into bad habits. Once you start to see him as annoying, everything he does seems annoying. His desire for sex seems like lust, not love. He becomes a workaholic, not a dedicated worked. His quirks bother you, rather than being endearing, or at least cute.

You haven't said much, but he sounds like a nice man who loves you. Try to tell yourself that you love him - and see how he acts in that light. Be open, affectionate - and yes, have sex with him - not because it is your duty, but because sex is fun and exciting and helps bring people together.

If you have really fallen out of love with him, that is another matter? Do you have children? If not, then it is only fair to tell him so he can find someone who will love him, and you can find someone you can love.

[blondie80]

I have to agree with chandlers wish here, it may seem we are ganging up but i would recomend atleast reading a self help book or two the men are from mars and women are from venus books are quite informative and will give you an insight as to why you are feeling the way you are and help with ways to communicate men and women are so very different and need completely different things from a relationship, these books opened my eyes heaps!
Try to remember why you fell in love with him, what he used to do or how he used to make you feel and what your missing now, time out is a great thing, we all need it from time to time and sometimes just to even get in a nice long bath for half an hour to just feel like your you again your not doing it for anyone else or caring for anyone just you you need it and deserve it.
Just stick in there for a while read a bit go to counseling if you need it or if you really think it would help but if you have been together for 15 years then maybe its worth a bit of effort to keep it going.

[wife]

Thankyou, your comments are a great help.