[rcoreyus]

I've posted before that my wife has a very limited interest in sex - much to my sadness.

Well soon I am going on a couple of day trip with a female friend of my wife and me. This woman and I will be sharing a hotel room to cut expenses (for her, not an issue for me). My wife knows and seems to have no objections at all, and has been happy with us taking similar trips in the past.

To make things sound even worse, this woman is known (to both of us) to be in an open relationship with her husband.

Now nothing will happen. Nothing has happened on our previous trips (except a bit of harmless flirting). In fact on a previous trip this woman and I had a brief discussion to make sure that we both understood the situation - we each find the other attractive, but will not jeopardize our friendship or my marriage.

Now the question: what is my wife thinking?

Does she really trust me that much? Does she really believe that even though she almost never sleeps with me, that I won't do anything with another woman? ( I won't - but that is a LOT of trust). She has often seemed suspicious about other non-sexual things I have done.

Does my wife just assume that I have cheated on the previous trips and will this time as well? That would be terrible - she assumes that I'm having sex with someone else, and I'm still near celibate.

Does my wife just assume that because she isn't attracted to me no one else is? This is quite untrue - though I have politely declined all suggestions from women on other occasions.

I can't discuss it - any attempt to bring up anything related to sex just makes my wife apologize for being so tired lately (of course lately means 20 years!).

I've tried semi-jokingly bringing it up "I'm glad you don't mind me going on trips with random women", and she just said "Oh thats fine, Jean isn't exactly a random woman".

I'm pretty sensitive to my wife's moods, and I really don't think she is bothered by this. I just can't tell why she isn't bothered.

[happy ending]

she either really trusts you or takes you absolutely for granted and thinks no one could possibly want to sleep with you. sorry to be horrible but it sounds like the latter.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Do you think it's possible that "girls talk" no matter how old they are and they already spoke way back.. Jean already mentioned what you stated, I would, I would be over the moon that my girlfriend's husband set me straight, well not that I'm like that, but that's not the point.

Your hurt just seems to get deeper sometimes. I know you say you "can't" talk to her. But, what would you say? You know how many times, i flirt harmlessly and others do it back to me, or some women I know as a fact would have slept with me?

It's a hard one really isn't it...

"You could next time when you bring her that rose, say " Here's for 20 years being with one woman, my woman, love you" and walk off.

I can't believe your willpower Corey... I truly can't..

Women here would love to know that they are loved that much that they wouldn't cheat even when for years they have hardly ever received and never received somethings, or for years.

I think she knows....

I think you should ask her exactly what she feels about you, sex aside, because your are staying true to your marriage but it has to be a marriage of some sorts at least with happiness, surely...

I still hope there is that side for you and something clicks to her one day.

CW

[WildChild]

Having been in more than one marriage than became sexless - I couldn't deal and got out - I don't know how you do it. But my guess is that she doesn't see this woman as a threat to the marriage-regardless of what you may or may not do with her. Other times when she has gotten suspicious she probably felt threatened, not sexually but in terms of the security of the relationship.

You have to do what is best for you, but I couldn't do it not for that long. I lasted 9 yrs and 8 yrs with that sort of deprevation and very little affection either but I can't imagine 20 yrs. It would just take too much of the sweetness out of life. Most of us get little enough going right, doing without decent sex on top of it all is just too much.

[rcoreyus]

The thing is, I do love her - and I'm pretty sure the really loves me. Lack of sex really is the only (but very big) problem. In many other ways we get along so well that I couldn't think of leaving.

[WildChild]

Then you have a balance in the relationship. Guess for me sex and love, in a committed relationship, are so intertwined that they are inseparable. I just can't see see living without, unless there were a medical reason (actually dealt with that but there were other huge problems including an almost complete lack of consideration or affection).

It just seems that if she really cared and since you've said in the past that she does orgasm on the infrequent occations when you do have sex, that she would make an effort to fill that need, at least weekly. There is no talking about this?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Corey, didn't you once say that you suspected that she had an affair, or cheated and that it doesn't bother you?

Perhaps, 20 years a strong beautiful loving "friendship" has developed but the other side, went aside...

If you "seriously" think that she did/has, and she perhaps is aware of that fact that you may suspect, could she be "expecting" that no words spoken but kind of it's okay if you do with Jean?

That's something only you can answer but that may also be a reason, or answer to your question..

She knows Jean is in an open relationship..

Just a thought... seems you two can't "speak" and that's the sad part, if only you could work out how, so that you can find out what you need to...

CW

[Hopeless Dork]

It could be any and all of the reasons all the posters mentioned and it could maybe also be, that she just trust you... with her whole heart and doesn't fathom you doing anything like that after all this time, regardless of how much satisfaction she is/isn't providing.

You are so faithful and she can sense that, feel that, know that, so no reason to worry in her mind perhaps.

[rcoreyus]

There is no real way to tell. My best guess is that sex just isn't important to her, and she assumes it isn't important to me - doesn't think I'd have any particular motivation to cheat.

I do hope she doesn't think I'm cheating. I have this very dark image of her forgiving me on my death-bed, and my needing to lie and accept that forgiveness so that she doesn't realize that she's wronged me all these years.

In any case the trip was lots of fun. (nothing inappropriate happened). Poor Jean (not her real name) has her own relationship problems, but thats a different story.

[WildChild]

Well at least you can love and be loved and have someone to share with. That is more than some ever have.