[very_jess]

Hello everyone...

I know it shouldn't, but its really getting me down. My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years not and the relationship has had its ups and downs. we live together and have done for a year not, and it has been the best year of our relationship.
When we first got together, we had sex very regularly, usually when we were drunk or after a party, and then again in the mornings. It was great, and, being a very sexual person myself, i was very happy.

About a year ago, i noticed that we weren't having sex as much as we used to, i guess you notice it more when you live together, as you are around each other much more.

i have tried bringing it up but he just says that he is up for it, but then doesn't do anything about it.

i have tried being the one who initiates it, but often get rejected. i now feel very down and depressed and feel like i have lost a bit of confidence in myself. i have tried telling him how i feel but he doesn't seems to realize how bad its got. i really love him, but feel like i am getting pushed into the arms of someone else, as when guys chat me up at the bar, i feel like going off with them, just to get some sexual attention.

i am very in love with my boyfriend and see us together in the future, but not if it carries on the way it is now...

please help, i am feeling so low.... any suggestions welcome!

xxx
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[stressed]

A few ideas: How does he feel about porn? Is his job more demanding than it used to? Do you think you spend 'too much' time together and that he doesn't have the chance to miss you?
It's very important that you sit down and talk with him about it without making him feel guilty but at the same time emphasizing that it makes you feel unwanted and not loved. It is very likely that he won't just suddenly change into wanting to have more sex again, but I'm sure he will consider it a lot more seriously if you present it as something important to you. Keep trying to talk about it with him and try to find the reasons why he's not interested anymore, because there's always a reason.

[caterpillar79]

Stress...

I totally understand you. A few ideas: How does he feel about porn? Is his job more demanding than it used to? Do you think you spend 'too much' time together and that he doesn't have the chance to miss you?
It's very important that you sit down and talk with him about it without making him feel guilty but at the same time emphasizing that it makes you feel unwanted and not loved. It is very likely that he won't just suddenly change into wanting to have more sex again, but I'm sure he will consider it a lot more seriously if you present it as something important to you. Keep trying to talk about it with him and try to find the reasons why he's not interested anymore, because there's always a reason.

OP, Stop pushing him to his limits! With today's economy, people in general are worried whether they'll stay employed tomorrow or not...whether they will still have a roof on their heads...etc. There are a lot of issues/things that we can blame for your BF's behaviour.

Could it be a medical issue?

Financial? Work-related?

Me and my "space" sort of thing?

What I can tell you now, is that, dismiss this thought for a moment. Try to play with yourself for a while, and not depend on him for sexual satisfaction (for the moment). Asking him about it might be pushing him away - we don't know his history regarding this matter. Pamper yourself first. Go to the gym, shape up, eat healthy, and moisturize your entire body. Do your best to have that healthy glow in your skin and face. Get good sleep (REM - wise).

When you get home after work, get a bubble bath, and chill out. Then wear some sexy nighties. But don't initiate any contact. You are in the "teasing" period. Keep doing that. Wait till he notices (I hope it won't take him weeks). If it takes too long and nothing happens, that will be the time to really question. If you are not satisfied of the answer or don't even see a hint of possible compromise, he might not be the one for you.

[very_jess]

Great ideas guys.... I took a bath last night and put on some sexy lingerie and he was already very turned on.....
his job is not very stressful, and medically he is fine (just had a check up), i guess its just a phase, im going to try and back off a bit, (got a really good vib) so no worries in that department...

watch this space!

xxx

[caterpillar79]

Here I am again!

I am the hoodlum for the classic: Mars and Venus book by John Gray. Read that and you'll understand "the phase" that men and women tend to unconsciously undergo. So whether we like it or not, it happens, it's a cycle. Once we get the understanding of this, we'll be better equipped to deal with it. Trust me, I've been in that department, too.