[ladyj09]

Ugghhhh !! I cant stand it anymore! that's all my hubby talks about. this issue has been the main topic since we have been together ( a long long time) now he says he wants to sell the house and move to Texas- because he said the houses are cheaper there and the cost of living is too. He said the same thing 2 years ago and didnt go a thing. It seems that when he wants something like like a car( now he's looking at a Porshe) then he complains about the owning the house and how most of his money goes into the house and then he cant afford to get what he wants. He makes good money, he brings home at least 2700.00 a month and he has 8500.00 in the bank, i know he can afford whatever he wants he's just cheap. He took out 78k in equity on our house and i didnt see a dime of it,most of it went to build his dream garage and pay off credit cards, the rest i dont have a clue what he did with it. Anyway, he has been a tightwad for as long as i have know him ( 1994) and i am sick of hearing how things are hard for him and how he cant get what he wants cause of this or that.. its so frustrating.! he is spoiled and is use to getting whatever he wants yet other people pay for it, he doesnt. he had a 1999 vette and his mom who is 87 is giving him 200.00 a month for the carpayment YET he sold the car months ago and never told her. That i dont think is right, but i dont say a word because its not my business. I just get sooo sick of hearing how he cant get this or that and here i am struggling to pay bills, food, gas..etc like everyone else. He never wanted the house but we were in a position where we had to buy one ( long story ) and he has never gotten past the fact he had to put his whole inheritance into the house. so now,, 5 yrs later i still have to hear how hard things are on him.. etc.. i just think he is being very selfish -as usual...
does anyone have a hubby that is like mine? where money rules his life?

[Joy]

maybe you guys need to see a financial planner that can help you set some financial goals and get a reality check in the money department.

he is feeling resentful about the house if he is still going on about it after 5 years. I can see why you are frustrated it would get old after 5 years.

He sounds like he needs new things all the time to feel good about himself and to cover his insecurities with flashy new things. Is the porshe a midlife crisis thing?

[Tama]

First, I live in texas, and yes the cost of living is lower than most states but the houses are just as expensive, and the property taxes are about 3% higher. So tell him to throw that idea out the window.

Secondly, He's your husband, it is your business. I'm not saying call his mom up and tell her everything. But, I've always thought marriages were a partnership. All for one, and one for all, and all that jazz. Why is it that when you talk aboutthe money you say that HE has plentyof money, but You are struggling to pay the bills. I can understand each of you having your own bank accounts, but do you not share finances at all?

I agree, that you should go to a financial counselor, there are plenty of places that will charge you a small fee for this services. But if the service being free will sell your hubby on the idea. talk to your local welfare rep.
I'm not saying go on welfare, but they will be able to give you a list of agencies that can help you get your finances in order, free of charge.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I don't think you can change things, you need a marriage councellor not a financial councellor, someone to make him understand the "commitment of marriage" and that his bachelor life was over to a large degree the day he got married.

Yes, I married a man like this... We both owned homes, but "he" chose that we live in his, and we took out a loan for the house and whilst we were meant to make choices together, I would come home and he'd organized something cheap and nasty ie) paving, which devalued the home ( I am a Real Estate Agent), he added a room on for his "toy cars", he got an inheritance, $22k from a lady he didn't even know and whilst i paid holidays/food/etc he went and bought a car. And, same, I don't know what happened to what we borrowed fully, but the house never got finished.

Then he obtained a payout and I got nothing for "us" or a holiday to say thanks for the holidays I took us on or the motorbike I purchased for him..

I walked in the end, because I lost so much money and all I could see in the future was "nothing"... Since, I've built my wealth more.

I don't know, I tried talking till I was blue in the face and as a result he became emotionally and verbally abusive, he wouldn't get marriage councelling, his bad..

I'm a happy little woman these days...

CW

[ladyj09]

i dont think we need a financial councelor, more like a marriage councelor but i tried that route and he didnt want to hear it so i didnt pursue it. we are not on welfare or anything like that he makes good money -2,700.00 a month and i bring home -1,550 a month. i also suggested that we combined our money when we got married but he didnt want to hear it, he didnt want me spending his money and no, we do not have joints accts at all.. everything is seperate as he wanted it. i remember when we got married he said exactly this" i dont want anything to change" but when a couple gets married things do change.

I stopped paying for vacations, buying him clothes,etc, it was costing me too much money and i wasnt getting anything back. its ALWAYS been a issue when i want something, he will get it yet complain afterwards that he is out the money. So i just stopped asking for things and now i get them on my own.
The porshe is a "toy" being he sold the 99 vette and we have a 20k garage that has no toy in it for him.

we have been to Texas, his brother lives in Seymore and the houses are cheap but its a very rural area and the condition of the homes arent that great. He is just seeing what he could be saving if he didnt have a high mortgage payment (its 1200.00 a month )i dont see that as being high but he does so i have to hear it 24/7. he has always been this way and i dont see it changing anytime soon. he's not so cheap when he wants something but yet when i want something for my birthday, anniversary its a issue.

where we live .. right now we are paying out 3,300.00 just for property taxes( he didnt want them included in the mortgage ) so he will see Texas as cheaper then what we're paying out now.

[happy ending]

honestly he sounds like a selfish pig, he wants you to live in a shack in a rural backwater, so he can buy luxury motor cars, the money really isnt the issue. he needs to evaluate his priorities, i dont know how you cope with him. i was previously married to an abusive drunk, who when i asked him why HE thought we were having problems - told me it was because i didnt earn enough and should find a better job! some people have no insight into their behaviour. dont pay for anything, he is using you while you get nothing, good luck!

[Juda2oo9]

i remember when we got married he said exactly this" i dont want anything to change" but when a couple gets married things do change.

I stopped paying for vacations, buying him clothes,etc, it was costing me too much money and i wasnt getting anything back. its ALWAYS been a issue when i want something, he will get it yet complain afterwards that he is out the money. So i just stopped asking for things and now i get them on my own.

WOW R u Serious Hun?......Im sorry to say but THAT ALONE was enough of a big red flag to go......" HELLO WAKE UP... HE'S A LOSER,,,,,,,CANT MARRY A JERK, IM BETTER THAN THAT"...........

I'm not trying to be rude by asking this but...." why did he marry you? i mean what in the is his motive to marry you? he's a greedy jerk who wants all the money to him self but yet he wants to marry you?,,,,,,,, how can he say " i dont want tthings to change".....???? but yet wants to get married.......
there must of been something you said right???? i mean didnt you say something as soon as that garbage came out of his mouth?

for this situation..........Its BOTH of your faults that you're in a marrige like that.......its his fault because that' the type of person he is.... selfish, greedy, insecure.... that's his nature...........
and its also Yours because even before you married him you knew what he was like and yet you still chose to marry that man............. now you reap what you sow.......
If a councelor cant open him up to reality... and his own wife talking to him doesnt work.......
I guess the next step is pretty obvious..............