[FAITHFUL4Ever]

Hi everyone,
I just signed up on this site a few moments ago, looking for a place to just tell what I have been feeling and possible find some advices...I am a bit lost on what I want to do but here is my story...

I got married on my country 7 years ago and left everything and moved with him to the states- not much down there to do but left my lovely family.

I took me 3 years to adjust to the states and for first 3 months were for me, wanting to go back with my family, fightihg with him about every little thing but I got over.

We had a great time and I am glad that I found a good man like him, he though me everything that I am now , since driving , talking to actually do what I do now...I am pretty greatful... but , as everything is not perfect..some members of his family started to get involved between us...

See, he bought his parents house, without letting me even see it , his dad gave him a good deal on the house and he conviced me we would be able to get some money if we wanted to sell it, but he loves the house so much that he wanted to keep it for his dad...the deal on getting a good price was to keep his mom and his sister living in the house until mom passes away.

At the beginning this was acceptable and probably I was too soft on letting them living in the big house and we stayed on a small shack ...but it has been 7 years and nothing has changed...his sister (he has 2) has made the big house so discustingly dirty and unlivible that we had to remove the carpets since it got full with mouse and rat poop.
Anyways, things for the economy got worse and it seemed harder and harder to pay almost 3K for a house that we dont even live on...
His temper got a bit worse and worse and for some reason , about 6 months ago..every time he got upset , it will somehow freak me out and be desoriented,,.dont know why, still dont...everything he would yelled at me I would just break in tears...

Did I also forget to mention we have a business together,,,meaning we spend 24 7 together???....

I think this got over my limit,,,we started having small fights..me feeling like everything he would be upset...and him telling me, why I m not like him and try to be happy...complaining about everything and having an actitude I could not live on...

Now for my birthday we had a big fight , he got drunk and jellous about dont know yet...so I asked him for a break for myself. I needed sometime alone to figure out things...and we talked I told him that I have doubts in me about spending the rest of my life with somebody that I m not feeling right about..that I even have doubts to have family with him and that I know is not right...

I am so scared of everything, I have been with a man for 7 years and now I am thinking to let all that go and try to start over again???...
he helped me to get an apartment for 30 days but he is still spending te nights with me with for being the 2nd nite I am about to tell him to leave me alone and I m afraid to discover that I may not love him as I though I did...

Our age differences are 16 and I think I feel more worry about him than myself...
4 years ago , we had a similar issue that pushed me to be with somebody else...but I think I never let him take me own decision and I took what he decided on me and for me and I came back with him... I think this time is different because there is noone that I want to leave him for, I just dont wanna be with him..at least for now...

I am very confused or at least I think I am, I am also depress ,but I know being sad wont help me... I dont want to hurt him but I also dont wanna be trapped with somebody I feel commited to be with ,more than feeling in love...

What do you guys think???.. I know I am probably everywhere with this,,,but I think having another place and moving out at least for a few weeks is a good start...

Thank you so much

Faithful4ever

[WildChild]

Sit him down and have a good talk about all this. The situation with suppling housing to his mother and sister needs to change. Period. Taking care of his mom (how old is she?) is one thing, why can't his sister get out on her own? Why is he tollerating them living like slobs? That's not caring. If the mother is unable to care for herself (?) that could be considered abuse, to leave her living like that. Where is his dad in all this?

Being in business together can be great but you each need some freinds and activites of your own. IT's vital for your personal health and growth as well as for your relationship. You have to make your needs known.

[HALFNOTHING]

all you need to do is to heard everyone side and balance.. that's all

[CHANDLERS WISH]

At the beginning this was acceptable and probably I was too soft on letting them living in the big house and we stayed on a small shack ...but it has been 7 years and nothing has changed.

He is spending his entire life for his "family" and has bought you into that. It's evident because there was a house, but you both lived in a small shack only...

Who is paying the $3k for the house on-going? I am betting you both, from your business, for the family.

You are not married. You are living with a man who is taking care of his family and is probably extremely stressed with all the pressure of finances.

You feel that he has given you an opportunity in life, taught you to drive is what I am assuming you are saying, car, work, "no children?"... 7 years?

You left once but it wasn't resolved and you would have explained all of this to him before.

He feels family commitment and he won't change for you or anyone.... He has become complacent and set in his ways and expects you to accept, not complain.

That is not marriage and that is why you left the first time and that is why you feel this way, this time, because this time, there is no other person emotionally for you to attach yourself to, this time you feel this on your own, no influence from another man.

It's almost like you need him to choose you or his family which is not fair, but a married life it "togetherness" not having you live in a shack, and his family destroy and live in a big house and you both work hard for nothing, other than for other people, not yourselves.

It is sad, but you need to make him realise he is about to lose you for this.

He needs to have them help themselves and live in the shack themselves, and you both in your home and enjoy your married life.

CW