[baja]

Wild is absolutely right, get yourself around positive, supportive people asap. It is the only way to heal and close the emotional wound. Try this...

Think about when you were happiest in your life, when you were on your own, confident and in command. Remember how that felt, what you were like... now, try to hit that "reset" button inside of you and get back to that.

Re-center yourself and starting your new life will come completely naturally!

[Empty]

I wish things were easier, there is nothing worse then waking up in the am and feel nothing but despair. I want to feel better I just don't know how.

[WildChild]

How he is treating you ought to help in that his behavior is so awful. You can be relieved that you found out this side of him before you had children with him.

When you wake up each morning, stand up, raise your arms, wave them around and say, nice and loud, with enthusiam; I'm alive, I'm awake and I feel great!
You can add a second verse; I feel good, I feel fine, I feel this way all the time!

Start doing positive affirmations. We had a thread or two of those in the lounge, you can so a search and get some good ones.
On my wall are signs saying:
"I am the creator of my destiny."
"I am a magificent being, drawing on an infinite source of love and energy"
"Be bold and might forces will come to your aid."

Find ones that speak to you and what you want in your life.

Find ways to be good to yourself; take care of your body, keep your hair, nails and skin well groomed, don't slob out. You can hit the thrift stores if need be but make even your lounging around clothes something you feel attractive in. Buy yourself flowers, even if it's just one or two. My budget is limited but the local grocery has discounted flowers and many are still in pretty good shape. Workout regularly, stretching, walking, running - whatever works for you. Working up a sweat helps work out the negative feelings. Simply decide that today you will be happy, don't worry about tomorrow. If you slip and start to feel sad don't beat yourself up, just tell your brain, "thank you for sharing" and let go of it. Try forcing yourself to smile, it will actually trigger a change in your body chemistry and elevate your mood.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I just got sucked in, and I know now that yes this is probably better off. I've tried blocking him from my phone, which is fantastic, thank you parental controls lol. And I've given up on blocking the emails because he'll just create new ones. If I could go 2 weeks or longer without contacting him, this would be a lot easier. The bigger issues is because I had no idea that this was going to be a permanant thing, is that he didn't allow me back in the house to pack everything, he did it. And now as the months go by I realize how much stuff i'm missing, maybe not big stuff, but even little things like photographs and bs stuff. That's what the aruging is about now, he ended up moving in with his friend and his wife (who was my best friend) because I wouldn't help him financially anymore. Turns out he is causing major problems in thier marriage now, they got married the year before us. And the guy he grew up with, him and his "boys" from childhood are still very close and the women in thier lives get pushed out, it's the way it's always been. He's just so messed up, he will still tell me how down he is all the time, and I laughed at him the other day, saying oh whats wrong she doesn't make you happy already. It's just f'd up the way it all happened.

I need to find a way to make new friends that don't know him at all, I went to a club down there about 2 months ago, not 1 guy will approach me because they all know who he is. So now that i'm about 30mins north, I'm going to start going out around here where I don't know anyone. I'm not looking for relationships or anything, just friendship and some fun.

I'm looking for my own idenitiy I guess.

Thank you so much for listening, it has made me feel so much better. If I babble on too much I apologize, I just have a lot to say about him!

She was literally the town "who#" and had been with so many people and so many other married men, I had kind of pushed her out of our lives for a little while, as did the rest of our friends because we were all tired about her drama and guy issues. Even M said he couldn't stand her being around because all she did was whine and complain. Guess he learned to stand her.

He went with what he can handle... NON commital... You said he has a childhood past he can't get over... and being a Father, he can't fathom... It's the reason for all of this.

He didn't learn to stand her... He can't learn to take what can be beautiful in life... He can't get over his past what ever that was, and I think you know what that was..

That's the key to this whole mess.

No-one marries, takes loans that will take them years to pay off without wanting.

He doesn't believe.

He doesn't think he deserves.

And the hoe of the town is a better, easier choice.. It's safe.. There's no commitment.

On the same accord, you can't after 10 years continue to try to make him see "it's okay.

I tried with my husband (ex) for 7 and a half after he was used, cheated on, that women are "OK", it's not all women just that one... Didn't doesnt work without finding inner peace.

I did, he hasn't, can't, yours can't...

You do need to see who you are, your worth and that you can not , I repeat, can not, change a person who won't get help for themselves...

I am sorry and I hope you find a beautiful journey for you...

CW

[Empty]

Ok so I just contacted a Lawyer, and I'm waiting on a consultation date, and lets get this over with. I'm tired of his games and threats.