[*Kel*]

I really need some objective advice... My husband and I have been married for 6 years, but in the last two... we both became work-aholics and our kids' sports and school stretched us so thin that we didn't work on us the way we should have. He had a few one-night affairs, which we worked through, and I began a long term affair, that lasted 6 months. It was all a terrible mistake, but he asked me to move out... get all straightened out and come back to him and show him that he matters. I did as he asked, it took me a few months to work on myself, realizing why I did what I did... and forgive myself for what I had done.

I went back to him a few weeks ago and he has told me that he is now in a committed relationship with another woman... another woman that seems to be an integral part of my 4 year old son's life now! Anyway, my husband has told me that I am doing everything right to work on us, but he just isn't sure that it is what he wants. He keeps saying that he still loves me, and misses his family, but won't let this other woman go!!

I guess I need advice as to whether I should fight for my marriage, or see the writing on the wall... am I holding on to something that isn't there?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

To me? It seems that you both were seeking fulfillment elsewhere in such a short time and perhaps what you really are, is great "mates/friends".

He opted for one night stands, comfort, you opted for commitment emotionally.. the trust would not be there now, yet, the knowledge of 6 months is very difficult just as much as 1 night stands is, to jump over.

This relationship he is in, is in his eyes probably founded... As you had done, but again he has seeked himself for something in doing this, something you both didn't have.

If he really wanted you to work things out and go back to him, if his love was that strong and everything before hand was "that right", then he would have waited not moved on.

You two probably don't have the foundation of true commitment to each other.

What is there to fight for? You moved on the moment you had the 6 month affair and he is doing the same now.

I think your best to let it all be and be friends. If you two are meant to work this out, you'll live independently without each other, with others in your lives and grow back together over time, later. If not, hopefully, you will both find what you are looking for and be happy and be friends...

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

seems your thread has been missed, so I will bring it up again...

CW

[HALFNOTHING]

don't you think he's taking revenge for what you did?
maybe his ego hurt that much thats why he's doing same thing like what u had..