[Gahzilla]

I was on an eviction notice, had no job, and STILL got full custody of my children when I divorced my first husband. So if that doesn't give you some degree of confidence, I don't know what will. Granted, I had to move back in with my mom, but I got the kids. Unless it's an extreme case where you can't take care of yourself or the children at all; ie. mentally incapacitated, drug addict, confess you don't want custody, then you will be just fine. Money does not equate the children's happiness. Parenting does. Don't let his size or money intimidate you in any way. And don't wait around to see what happens next. I did, and hindsight I wish I would have acted sooner.

[Kara01]

Have you spoken to your family about this?

Are you suggesting your an un-fit mother? He works loads of hours, your the baby's mother, why would the Courts take him away from you? More importantly, he has a history of violence yes? His friends, his parents can ascertain that, he knows it and now your family must know it... No Court will allow a person who is violent to look after a child...

If that is a fear and your only fear, then go and report this immediately to the law what happened... have it on paper.... don't press charges, just have it recorded...


Secondly, punching walls etc, has now escalated into punching you... next your child?

He doesn't feel he has a problem and he's blaming you for the reasons for his anger, it's your fault, denial.

It's time you went home to your family and told him to sort himself out, before you and your child will return...

He won't go to counseling and you have to be strong on this and realize that every abused woman, takes it again and again because she has fear of leaving, escape and often believes the other person that it's their fault.

CW

No, I have not told my family. I have no family near where I live. We are both far from our families. My friends are great and I know I need to get over feeling ashamed and tell someone. I dont know anyone who has been through something like this.

He has no history of violence. He is perfectly charming to everyone, popular at work, with friends, and most of the time he is nice to me too. He unpredictably explodes and loses it. Its generally when I dont do something he asked me to do. Not sure what I would tell the police. I have no way to prove anything. Whatever there was on my cheek is long gone.

Yes, counseling might good for us but he wont go and I dont feel prepared to leave him. I am going to go by myself without telling him because I think I need some professional advice.

[Kara01]

I was on an eviction notice, had no job, and STILL got full custody of my children when I divorced my first husband. So if that doesn't give you some degree of confidence, I don't know what will. Granted, I had to move back in with my mom, but I got the kids. Unless it's an extreme case where you can't take care of yourself or the children at all; ie. mentally incapacitated, drug addict, confess you don't want custody, then you will be just fine. Money does not equate the children's happiness. Parenting does. Don't let his size or money intimidate you in any way. And don't wait around to see what happens next. I did, and hindsight I wish I would have acted sooner.

Thanks...it does make me feel better. I should probably talk to a lawyer too.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hun, in my opinion, if he hits walls, smashes things and now has hit you, then he has a history of violence, may be a tame one or was, but you don't just "start" certainly stress can effect a person's mood/anger even, but not to the extent you are referring to...

There is nothing to be ashamed about, truth is your one of hundreds/thousands and mostly people don't talk about it.

Talk to your closest friend then, you do need to be able to discuss this with someone and there is no harm in talking to your family unless you want to remain in this relationship meaning you aren't ready to face what is happening and therefore, don't want them to know, to judge... therefore, if that be the case, do go and seek councelling for you and advice from a lawyer, pre-warned is a good thing, fully armed.

Don't allow him to destroy your self-esteme or you will remain in this pattern on going for ever as you won't feel you are worth anything.

YOU ARE.

CW

[LanaBear]

Honey - you can't make excuses for him. It's unacceptable behavior, there is no excuse for it. You can't be afraid to "forget" something or "say" something in fear of the consequences. It's unhealthy.