[kaylar]

Consequences


Until such time as you are in charge of yourself, not 'reacting'
but acting, any interpersonal involvements should be avoided.

Revenge lovers are mistakes.
You may hurt someone you would probably love a year
from now, may wind up involved with someone you
despise.

Your judgement is a clouded as an enraged bull.
And trying to 'fix' your cheating husband by cheating
makes you a pawn in his game.

The Freedom you get from his Adultery is that you
disconnect yourself from him. No longer do you cook
what he likes, nor go where he wants.

You have met someone else, You.

When you are involved with a man you tend to
postpone yourself and prioritise him.

You learn to like what he likes, want what he
wants, as if your 'harddrive' has been overwritten
by him.

During the worst moments of his adultery when
your whole world ended, you have been able to
piece yourself back together.

Now that it is over and you are more in control
of yourself, don't sublimate in him. Not again.
Establish yourself.

Find out what You like.
What You want.
And give it to You.

Join clubs, visit museums, do whatever it is
you loved before you met him. Never again
will he be able to 'stake a claim' on you.

This is not a thoroughly bad thing.
You become more independent and
stronger.

[janie82]

Yes more independent and stronger we become.

[p10bitches]

been there..

I've been there, my husband cheated on me. But I chose to stay, and that's because I love him. True enough, I became stronger and stood up on what I think is better for me. I slowly stopped pleasing him and putting him in the center of my life. I start to prioritise myself and do things that will make me happier. I guess that's a wake-up call for me to give more time for myself.

[kaylar]

I've been there, my husband cheated on me. But I chose to stay, and that's because I love him. True enough, I became stronger and stood up on what I think is better for me. I slowly stopped pleasing him and putting him in the center of my life. I start to prioritise myself and do things that will make me happier. I guess that's a wake-up call for me to give more time for myself.

The post I respond to was made two months ago, but as the
topic is being discussed in another thread, the sentiments
here are vital.

Many women 'lose' themselves in marriage. They might
have been Miss Annabell Lee, but then, they become
Ed's wife. No name...
"This is my wife."
Then they become Katie's mother.

"I'm Katie's mother," she says, introducing herself.

"I saw Ed's wife at the gas station,"
"Katie's mother is helping with the cake sale."

When today is just like yesterday only it's tomorrow
that non-personhood gets mixed into the price of
tomatos, the dishwasher that isn't working, the
dog who puked on the carpet.

When 'something' happens, which disrupts that prosaic
image; and you suddenly have to 'find' yourself...
not Ed's wife, not Katie's mother...but Annabelle Lee...
who is she?

That voyage to 'me' is vital.
It is vital whether you stay or go.
For losing you is the worst loss, regaining yourself
is the victory.

And when you are the complete matched set of you,
then that you makes the decision.

[C]

Thank You Kay...

The post I respond to was made two months ago, but as the
topic is being discussed in another thread, the sentiments
here are vital.

Many women 'lose' themselves in marriage. They might
have been Miss Annabell Lee, but then, they become
Ed's wife. No name...
"This is my wife."
Then they become Katie's mother.

"I'm Katie's mother," she says, introducing herself.

"I saw Ed's wife at the gas station,"
"Katie's mother is helping with the cake sale."

When today is just like yesterday only it's tomorrow
that non-personhood gets mixed into the price of
tomatos, the dishwasher that isn't working, the
dog who puked on the carpet.

When 'something' happens, which disrupts that prosaic
image; and you suddenly have to 'find' yourself...
not Ed's wife, not Katie's mother...but Annabelle Lee...
who is she?

That voyage to 'me' is vital.
It is vital whether you stay or go.
For losing you is the worst loss, regaining yourself
is the victory.

And when you are the complete matched set of you,
then that you makes the decision.

Never has a post meant as much to me as the one you just put on the Forum.....I am now my own person...I never knew that I would be the woman I am...I don't even know where she came from but she is here...And may I say, she is here to stay..

The other day I was talking with my husband...I live in fear that one of our three children would find out that I am their sexual Mother...God forbid they would stroke out...How furious they would be I just don't know...To think that their Mother is talking about the sexual things that their Father and I do and talking the way that she does, what is she a pig...And not to just anyone, to the world......I cringe sometimes thinking this. But I have changed since I started my site not quite two years ago.

I told my husband I love my children but if one of them found out about my writings and how I love to help both women and men and they said either you stop that or we will never talk to you again, I would calmly say good bye......I am who I am and I will be until the day I die.....I am proud of being me and it took too darn long getting to this place in my life....Adios....my love.....I am a woman and not a child...I will not stop....and I wouldn't.

Kay, three years ago I lived in fear of talking about the sexuality of a woman...My age and everything against me and now I am the most humble and proud woman in the world...Thanks my friend....xox

[kaylar]

I was having a conversation, in a similar vein
with someone who is just getting his head around
the fact that his children have no use for him.

And he realised he was now 'as free as a bird'.

It was one of those fabulous Epiphanies, in which
a person's entire countenance changes, the view
they have of the world changes, and like ten tons
of weight fall off their shoulders.

When you have children, no matter how old they
get you feel 'responsible' and you feel you have
to try and keep trying to please them and not
embarrass them.

My friend had been phoning and visiting 'working'
on a relationship with his son. Fresh eyes could
see that the kid was like; Why don't you die and
leave me your property?

Of course, he couldn't see it, until last week.
And now he realises that the estrangement is not
an entirely bad thing.

He is free to go/do/be whatever he wants.
He owes no one anything.

He lives in a major city and realises that he
can go to any play, movie, museum, show, that
he wishes, without 'permission', without feeling
that if he buys himself a new computer he's
'denying' them.

My view is if children decide to write their
parents off, or to put their parents in some
box somewhere; well that is their choice.

Fine.

Bridges need two sides.
If you reach out and they pull back,
you step back.

You have to live for you, you have to make yourself
happy. Your happiness can not depend on another's
mood or attitude, or permission.

[C]

I was having a conversation, in a similar vein
with someone who is just getting his head around
the fact that his children have no use for him.

And he realised he was now 'as free as a bird'.

It was one of those fabulous Epiphanies, in which
a person's entire countenance changes, the view
they have of the world changes, and like ten tons
of weight fall off their shoulders.

When you have children, no matter how old they
get you feel 'responsible' and you feel you have
to try and keep trying to please them and not
embarrass them.

My friend had been phoning and visiting 'working'
on a relationship with his son. Fresh eyes could
see that the kid was like; Why don't you die and
leave me your property?

Of course, he couldn't see it, until last week.
And now he realises that the estrangement is not
an entirely bad thing.

He is free to go/do/be whatever he wants.
He owes no one anything.

He lives in a major city and realises that he
can go to any play, movie, museum, show, that
he wishes, without 'permission', without feeling
that if he buys himself a new computer he's
'denying' them.

My view is if children decide to write their
parents off, or to put their parents in some
box somewhere; well that is their choice.

Fine.

Bridges need two sides.
If you reach out and they pull back,
you step back.

You have to live for you, you have to make yourself
happy. Your happiness can not depend on another's
mood or attitude, or permission.

Kay that is where I am....I never knew what I know now and I don't know where it came from...My kids are grown but my mind is so young and my thoughts of life and love burn with this new knowledge that fills my mind...I sure do not know everything. I know that youth is so full of wise thoughts but for someone my age it is like a rebirth and I struggle to share who and what I have learned in life.

And most of all, I don't know what in the name of God I am doing at a young people's site...where I just don't belong....TC, C

A

[jayjay]

As a newbie, I don't see this as a 'young people's' site. Firstly, it depneds where you are
and what you've learned. Although people will talk about 'nature' or 'nurture' it also
depnds on your experiences. Experiences are very important. They shape you. Not that
this happened to you but how you dealt with it.

[flauwekul]

"Find yourself".. "For losing you is the worst loss, regaining yourself
is the victory"

Well it seems that is something I needed to hear (read).

Thanks for those words.