[avery3]

Sweetie I've seen this happen to my mother: married for 22 years to a man who she convinced herself to like and love. She told me that she's been unhappy ever since my sister was a year old and that was back when they had only been married a year. Now i didnt have much exprience in dating, i guess you could call me lucky bc i am 21 years old and i have the perfect guy who would take a bullet for me. I am not some no nothing teenager, i am a working women who knows what she wants out of life; and that is to be happy. Why are you wasting your time being unhappy? the world will not end if you leave this man! it will just open many new doors. and once you leave this man, do it for good, and stay single and independent for as long as you can because you will be liable to fall into the same type of relationship. this has sadly happened with my mother and it is very upsetting to see, but i've learned to not let it bother me.

You need to find the man that calls you beautiful instead of hot, a man who will lock you out of a car just so he can open the door for you, a man that's your best friend, and a man that shows you respect even if you may not show it to him all the time. Trust me there are guys like that out there, i found mine, and once you find him never let him go!

[kaylar]

Avery3, I adore your post, esp;

stay single and independent for as long as you can because you will be liable to fall into the same type of relationship.

Even in 2007 women are rating themselves by the man or men
they have in their lives...as if screwing a lawyer makes one
a para-legal and screwing a bartender means you are a waitress.

Independance, once embraced, is almost impossible to relinquish.
To make your own decisions, to do what you want for you, is
worth more than a million dollars.

Just being able to sit alone and decide what you want for
dinner, which station on television YOU want to watch, if
you feel like going on or staying in.

All About You.

A Universe of I.

To meet a man and to allow him to exist concurrent with
your Universe of I, so that it is two people, two strong
independent people making a coalition...not a conquest,
not an adoption, but an alliance....

That is marriage.

[lilwifey07]

Hmmm if you love the guy then I would suggest trying other avenues. Give us an update. Dying to know!

[Hails]

I agree Think of yourself and your kids

[violet]

i think it's hard to be honest to oneself especially if something hurts too much, we just stop thinking rational. So my advise is to take some real distance. Another man is not the solution (not yet). You first have to figure out what is going on in this relationship. this can take a long time, a couple of months or a year. but after having worked the relationship up, you know yourself better, himself too and whats most important you know what to do. Maybe after that time you two try again, or maybe you're not. life is too short to be unhappy. do something! (sorry for the grammar, english is my second language)

[lauralight]

So what your saying might be

At the beginning of the marriage you were the ego-maniac making every breath he took about you, taking everything personally and feeling responsible for making everything look good/like a perfect wife all of the time and you pressured him, now things aer vice versa. Our society teaches us to act suddenly all proper when we are married and be what we have gotten from magazines and the media is IDEAL in behavior. I went through this with my x-husband. He never did get out of the ego stuff, he basically got angrier and angrier and finally went to counseling and justified his emotional abuse of me with the counselors words and almost injured me physically. The go thing was understood and the idealizing but his childish self-centeredness never ended, some things won't necessarily change about your mate, you have to tell yourself, "If this person never changes this behaviour, can I live with him as he is and love him unconditionally for the rest of my life?" Is it worth it to you, can you accept tha as your reality or are you ready to truely get out?

[lauralight]

So what your saying might be

At the beginning of the marriage you were the ego-maniac making every breath he took about you, taking everything personally and feeling responsible for making everything look good/like a perfect wife all of the time and you pressured him, now things aer vice versa. Our society teaches us to act suddenly all proper when we are married and be what we have gotten from magazines and the media is IDEAL in behavior. I went through this with my x-husband. He never did get out of the ego stuff, he basically got angrier and angrier and finally went to counseling and justified his emotional abuse of me with the counselors words and almost injured me physically. The go thing was understood and the idealizing but his childish self-centeredness never ended, some things won't necessarily change about your mate, you have to tell yourself, "If this person never changes this behaviour, can I live with him as he is and love him unconditionally for the rest of my life?" Is it worth it to you, can you accept that as your permanent reality or are you ready to truely get out if he may never actually change and you feel safer chosing to be in the relationship?