[tklm]

I have been with my boyfriend almost 3 years. We don't plan to get married especially since his ex-wife (from 7 years ago) is still haunting him! Once I moved in I told my boyfriend to refuse her everyday phone calls, texts and e-mails, which he did, which just drove her to a rage. She has now petitioned us twice to court for no reason. She has continued to drag out the court battle...trying ridiculous things in the meantime to make us look bad (ex: she tried to have my boyfriend arrested for child endangerment, and audio taped their son saying bad things about me, how I "hate children") My boyfriend has joint custody, but still pays $550 per month in child support. The legal fees are causing us to go broke. She has now convinced the court we need to go to an evaluator that is starting out taking $1500 from us. We are paying over $2000 per month now in child support, attorneys and therapy all trying to get this woman to leave us alone....She remarried an attorney and is determined to fight us until we are broke! She is seeking full custody, which just makes the child cry all the time to think he is going to lose his dad. My boyfriend and I are barely hanging on to our sanity and I am ready to walk if this woman doesn't stop. Is there anything we can do? I will take ANY suggestions!!!!

[GlitterAndStuds]

Have you guys considered a restraining order? It sounds extreme, but even I'm having a hard time coming up with anything else to make her leave you alone. I'd say what she's doing is considered harrassment. If you're not sure, contact an attorney or maybe your local police department and see what kind of information they can give you. Granted, she's not physically endangering you but....she's a nuisance from the sounds of it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

She married an attorney? Dear me, she's in a stable position, backed with full advice and they both want full custody, not just her.

It's not a matter of sending you broke, it's a matter of winning.. That's what an attorney does for a living and she married money, be it today or tomorrow, she went for the kill.

Why would you leave your boyfriend? Are you thinking that by going it will make her back off and not go for full custody?

You could call her bluff and see if it is her reason, you, she has to win and see if she drops it all, and you go and live somewhere for a month but I don't think so.. I think it's the attorney thing. But, you have to fight hard so any possibility is worth eliminating perhaps...

If she/he pulls this later in Court, it was the stress of it all and your back together....

If she drops it, then it's pretty hard to start all over again without suspicion.

You tape his son saying things around a table that doesn't sound co-erced showing he does in-deep love you both... play fire with fire.

You get testimonials from local deli's, anywhere as well as friends showing what type of parents you are..

Play fire with fire...

[WildChild]

Don't know where you are but I went through a version of this with my kid's dad. Maybe some of my experience could give you some ideas.

He's not married to an attorney and is now going through bankruptcy and brought me close to it from legal fees. This drug out for a year and did really turn our lives upside down for a while.

The problem with these types of cases is that it really comes down to a their word against yours situation. In our case the court required a Family Investigator who was a counselor, this basically forced me to pay to be investigated. It put the kids and I through a great deal of stress, however it did keep the kids from having to appear in court. Instead the Investigator's testimony regarding their reponses from the kids was used. This is a chancy deal though because, at least in my state, these people don't get any special training, don't have to have any particular qualifications and from what I've heard, some are really off the wall. We got lucky with a pretty balanced one and that made a big difference.

Check the laws in your area and if it is legal starting recording phone conversations and transcribing them. The equipment to do this from a land line is pretty easy to put together, to do it with a cell phone you may have to go online to order what you need. But it shouldn't be very expensive. Keep a record of every contact. I assume the child is at least 8 yrs old?

Your BF does need to at least talk with an attorney, and don't skimp, get a good one. Ask around. I got a sympathic court clerk to recommend a couple -they do know what goes on in court and get a feel for that.

Remember a couple of things, one thing is this isn't your battle although you have been drawn into it. And the needs of the child Must come first! Your BF may have to just put up with his ex's games and contacts, actually he was putting up with it until you put your oar in the water. You need to remember that how ever little you like it, they share a child and that is quite a bond. Ultimately your BF has to decide for himself how to procede. At this point you may or may not be able to opt out of being involved, it depends on how far she wants to take it.