[beautiful_smile]

hi im totally new 2 this site so really happy 2 join.#
i have been with my husband 8 yrs since we was 14 he 16.
i only just found out my husband has cheated on me while i was pregant our baby was due 2 weeks b4 he had his affair.
my baby is now 1 yrs old.
i only found out because as she contacted me thou facebook this weekend!
she says he got her pregant just after i gave birth to my little girl, she kept the baby (also a girl) and he visted her every friday (i thought he had a extra job on friday nights to help us with money.)
he swore on my life and told me he slept with her only 10 tens and she blackmailed him saying she will tell me if he doesnt come 2 hers or sleep with her!!!
he little girl is 5 months old. she only told me because when he went 2 see her he told her he never wants 2 c her or the baby again and when he didnt turn up last friday thats when she told me.
im totally heartbroken, only his best friend knows, i trusted him with all my heart.
he has sworn he will never see her or her child again and will never cheat on me again.
this was his first affair he said he was drunk and only wanted fun 4 one night and says when he found out she was pregant be begged her 2 get a aboution.
i said i will gives a try but im breaking down inside

so sorry this long but really need help
thanks x

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hey sweet, welcome to the Forum.

Being from Australia it's 630pm for me, whilst others are sleeping

So bare with people's replies

Your baby is 12 months old, hers is 5 months old...So he started sleeping with her 14 months ago, that's 2 months before you had your baby.

our baby was due 2 weeks b4 he had his affair.

he was drunk and only wanted fun 4 one night

?? that doesn't add up sweet. Both of his statements unless you got the dates wrong?

What did she say to you on facebook? If you don't mind me asking.

Because, I believe that he asked her to have an abortion, but I don't think he saw her two weeks before you had your baby, rather a few months before and she fell for him.

I'm glad you know, it's important..

But, it's hard isn't it because every child really deserves to know their parents, even if they have nothing to do with each other (the parents), rather the child is still important..

I'm sorry, that's my thoughts..

Harder is that he didn't consider his wife, STD's and wasn't causious, let alone pregnancy.

I know your both young and mistakes can happen, you have to deside if you want to work with this .

But, this little girl even if he never sees her, will want to know who her Father is one day, it will come up again 16 years down the track.

And, to ascertain if she's in love with him, or y, is why I asked what she stated to you..

This is difficult and I am feeling your pain and hurt and dis-trust...

The only way this will work for you two is if he can be completely honest if the timing you mention, verses, the time the baby was born, is correct.. He has to be really honest and tell you why as well he strayed not use excuses.

And, then you have to be Adults about it..

And, if this girl is emotionally attached, then she is trying to break up your marriage, if you can forgive him and want to keep the marriage, don't let her... She wasn't anyone, other than fluff but you are his childhood sweetheart and some things are worth fitting for, pending on how your relationship has been for the past.. and if there is still alot of love between BOTH of you.

CW

[beautiful_smile]

hey thanks 4 replying listening 2 at least one person view is helpful
sorry i ment she said they meet last august i was due in sep but as my little girl was late she didnt come till oct he then slept with her again after we have any our baby and that when i belive she became pregant.
im struggling so much just cant belive it and now today my post came and some how she knows our address and sent photos of them with the baby and a letter nearly the same as the one on facebook.
he said he told her lived in london so she wouldnt no where he lived.
im hoping to get the house on sale and get out of there i couldnt stay here knowing she could just turn up anytime
he wants to start fresh some where new maby abroad so they never find us
im trying to stay strong and not cry for the sake of my baby.

xx

[beautiful_smile]

oh and he said he doesnt no they he did it but just for fun

[EmotionsRvalid]

When my wife of five years cheated on me after our first child was about 14 months I was way devastated. I was going to school full time and working two jobs to pay off medical bills and support her so she could stay home with the baby (she pretty much demanded that) I was super crushed. We are still together and things are actually awesome now. A few things I DID helped with this. I did a lot of self development. I hated women and was afraid of being hurt by them. I overcame it by taking ballroom classes. I needed to be wanted and adored by cute girls- I gave it my best and was. (I still wanted to cheat and could have but didn't) I finished my bachelors degree in business. I hit the gym HARD. I improved my social skills and appreciation for good friends and rekindled and created friendships. I read a lot of good self help books and now I'm not worried about losing her. I know I can do better and she does too. IMPORTANT- She didn't meet my needs when she was pregnant. She was a princess and neglected me. I didn't cheat on her because of my upbringing. I wanted to. I resented her for neglecting me and cheating to meet her needs. Then she gave all her love attention affection etc to the baby and continued to neglect me. THAT is a big reason why I was always working and going to school so much. It was cold at home. I NEGLECTED HER and her needs because I resented her for neglecting me. She saw me as a grumpy monster and badmouthed me to everyone to justify her affair. See how this can spiral? You are the only one who can control your thoughts. Your mind is an incredible tool. The human mind is the most powerful tool in the world. USE IT develop it. Don't let it spiral on assumption, expectation, despair, etc. CRY till you can't anymore. I did and I'm a manly type man. It helped get the poison of self pity out. Once you get past that you WILL get ANGRY! That's okay too. It's part of the process. Use the anger as a leg up to get motivated to improve your situation. Don't get addicted to the anger. Seek love in everything you do and in ALL your interactions. LOVE and only LOVE will pull you through ANYTHING. Anger is a good motivator to leave a mucky rut, but it's poison if you carry it along. Good luck pray for help and be grateful. It sounds psychotic to be grateful right now but it's a present to yourself from yourself and that's appropriate especially now. Good luck I love you!
P.S. What other people do though it affects you sometimes very deeply isn't because of you. They do what they do because they want something for themselves. Basically it isn't personal it's selfishness. You are OK and didn't "deserve" this. AND any thing that isn't ok about you- you have full permission to change, improve, grow, and move on beginning today = ) (it'll give you something to distract from the pain and can only improve your situation.)

[WildChild]

Wow EmotionsRvalid, that is quite an inspirational story and I think you are right.

Beautiful Smile, You are in a tough situation but running away won't really help. Where ever you go you take yourself and him as what he is with you. He fathered your child, he cheated and fathered another child. Regardless of the circumstances, that is his child. He had no business having sex with another woman, he had even less business having unprotected sex. He says he had sex with her 10 times? That's not a one night stand. I've known men who could go 6 or 7 times in 24 hours but not 10 in one night.

All that aside, he fathered this child. Has there been a paternity test done? What's done is done but if this is his child he has a responsiblity to her regardless of how he feels about the mother. Even if the court and the mother allows him resign his parental rights the child may come looking for him one day. That would be quite natural.

Do you really want to be with a man who would simply walk away from his child? He's spent time with her, supposedly has bonded with her to some degree and he can walk away? What happens when he decides to walk away from you and your child?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Your solution is not an easy one, later in life, like I said it will come back, you can't run away from a problem..

It sounds like it was a few months they were having this affair and so the "drunk one night" still doesn't stand... You were pregnant and so he got it elsewhere, now he has two women with children..

His solution is to run.. Your solution is to agree.

Be strong and tough and write back to her both of you and let her know that your sorry she has a little one but that was her choice, your married and you intend to remain that way.

Is the fear on his side, having to pay out financially? Is this why he wants to run?

Doesn't sound like a Man owning up for his errors in life..

Sorry, reverse it and your that lady, what would you expect and want?

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

P.S. What other people do though it affects you sometimes very deeply isn't because of you. They do what they do because they want something for themselves. Basically it isn't personal it's selfishness. You are OK and didn't "deserve" this. AND any thing that isn't ok about you- you have full permission to change, improve, grow, and move on beginning today = ) (it'll give you something to distract from the pain and can only improve your situation.)

And, I agree with this statement...