[Ashlee T.]

You didn't overreact. Follow your gut feeling.

Perhaps he's wondering "why does she want to marry me so bad if we're so incompatible?". And maybe that scares him into thinking "this girl just wants to be married".

Or, perhaps he's pointing out your incompatibilities (even if they're totally minor) as a way to justify his feelings for this other person.

Either way, this is not what you want. Maybe if he said things to you, half as nice as he was saying to her, you'd show him your beautiful smile more often too

Time to cut your losses and move on.

[EmilyA]

You didn't overreact. Follow your gut feeling.

Perhaps he's wondering "why does she want to marry me so bad if we're so incompatible?". And maybe that scares him into thinking "this girl just wants to be married".

Well, he claims he didn't believe I really wanted to marry him, and doesn't know why I kept bringing it up, which really hurts because i've been through a lot of pain already over that, and he didn't even think I meant it.
He admits now that he had all this negativity built up in his mind and was only able to focus on anything negative I said, while he just dismissed anything positive.
Apparently he would go to her with all of the horrible things he thought I thought about him (which he now admits he doesn't really think were true anyway), and then she would tell him they weren't true and how wonderful he is. He even told me one of the major things was the fact that his birthday is coming up next month and he felt good that she told him how young and attractive he looked...I can't believe what a cliche that is.

[caterpillar79]

This is just something out there...I'm thinking out loud...

If a man doesn't know what he wants even if you think you're good enough for him, he will not settle. He still wants to explore his possibilities. Whatever you do as a woman, if the man in your life is not ready, he will not commit. On the other hand, if the man knows what he wants, he is usually ready to do it and will openly communicate it to you whether verbally or not...remember those subtle cues.

What the man does is not our fault. It is his responsibility - it is him. The woman should not think less of herself if her man is cowardly - he just is not the appropriate partner, that's all.

If he is not ready to be engaged, but you are (or the other way around), then communicate it. There is no room for second guessing for a relationship in whatever nature and arrangement, for it to succeed.

He guessed about your thoughts and feelings, and so did you...jumped into conclusions, did some bad choices...what now?

Up to you...the ball is in your court. For me, you did the right thing.

If he is really serious to be with you, wait for him to put himself out there, you, on the other hand should at least drop some hints. That's all. This also applies to any man after him (if that would be the case).

I am rambling...just sharing....


May I ask...

Do you still wish he comes back to you and mend everything?

Would you work things out with him if in case?

Do you think he's sincerely telling all these?

[Ashlee T.]

Girl, I'd move on. I know it hurts, and after that much time and effort you've invested you don't want to have to start over. He has not only been emotionally unfaithful, but he has talked to this person about you.......about your relationship. When you love someone, the last thing you want to do is paint them out to be a bad person....which is what it seems he did. That's irreversible in my book. Things get even more challenging once you get married, what will he do then? If he gets by with having an emotional affair, what will he do next? What will he do when you're married, have children, both working full time jobs, feeling stressed, tired, old........ ? And do you even want to be married to a man that doesn't love you? To a man that is weak and will seek comfort elsewhere when times are tough?

But think of it in simpler terms: Let's say you own a home and are paying on it every month (which you are), and all of a sudden it starts falling apart, piece by piece. Every month you are investing more money in the house to fix it, and eventually you are going broke.....but you hang on because you've "invested so much in the house!". But each month, you lose more and more money. If someone came along and offered you appraised value of the home, would you cut your losses and move on, therefore not losing MORE money......or would you hang on and continue going deeper into the "broke" hole every month with some hope that maybe eventually one day your investments will be worth it?

I know what I'd do. Time to "sell the house".

[EmilyA]

May I ask...

Do you still wish he comes back to you and mend everything?
Would you work things out with him if in case?
Do you think he's sincerely telling all these?

Well, I do somewhat hope that he would at least try to convince me to stay with him, but I don't know tht I actually would anyway. I saw him last night, and told him I wished he would do so, but he wasn't able to...he just tells me how upset he is that things have ended but he doesn't think it's possible to convince me to stay and he can't do anything to fix things. Basically he still won't open up to me emotionally and show any real passion for our relationship, even to get me to stay. I do believe he's being sincere about his reasons for this affair though.

[caterpillar79]

Well, I do somewhat hope that he would at least try to convince me to stay with him, but I don't know tht I actually would anyway. I saw him last night, and told him I wished he would do so, but he wasn't able to...he just tells me how upset he is that things have ended but he doesn't think it's possible to convince me to stay and he can't do anything to fix things. Basically he still won't open up to me emotionally and show any real passion for our relationship, even to get me to stay. I do believe he's being sincere about his reasons for this affair though.

That's a "polite" escape for him to say...very cowardly I should say though.

Move on, sell the house.

He is playing your emotions. You are not a doormat nor a basketcase. Spread your wings and fly.

Say, NEXT.....

Thank him for the lesson he taught you. It is normal for any woman to want her man back even for a jerk. Secretly have that, it's okay, but don't tell him any more. Try your best to move past this emotion, surely you'll find a man who will cherish you and treat you well.

No, NOT HIM...

Get on with your life.

CP

[KMonte85]

...he just tells me how upset he is that things have ended but he doesn't think it's possible to convince me to stay and he can't do anything to fix things.

I think you've got your answer right there on how this should all work out. He has given up trying to keep you in his life. He would rather be passive and let you go then spend an ounce of thought in telling you and showing you why you should stay with him. Why stay with someone who won't even TRY???

[Halle]

I don't think you over-reacted. I have recently gone through a similar situation, with my husband "connecting" with an 18/19 year old girl. These "emotional" affairs are just as hurtful as sexual ones, if not more. I would NOT sympathize with him just because your relationship was on the rocks. He was turning to her when he should have been turning to you for support or whatever he was looking for with this young woman. Good for you for taking action!