[manspoint]

Woah dragon....
It's not a full on convo. Maybe just a "cute dimples" and that's it. All I am saying is that both of us do not hide the fact that we look at others and share our thoughts. It's not like it has taken over our lives...
And yes, I do mean dimples. They do it me and my wife has great dimples when she smiles.

[stressed]

Excuse me, but if my husband was PAYING for a porn site & forum to post about how hot this or that person is, if he had changed password for me to not know what he posts over there and he made comments of the kind "I'd stick my (EDIT)into that one" I'd throw him out the door.

But that's just me.

Just take it the other way around: You're paying to see penises and post about them on a forum your spouse has no access to (why would he do that? Does he get any PM's he doesn't want you to see? Has he posted photos of you or himself as well?) and tell your husband "I'd ride this (EDIT) big time hun" and you'd expect that to be okay?

I'm sorry but I find this insulting towards you. It's not even just porn or to look at women because "it's what men do", this situation goes beyond this and reaches the point of insult.

[stressed]

sadly i hacked into his account and found out he was telling her our problems and things that went on in our past. once he knew i did this he deleted everything she sent once he read it. (i explained on another post when we first met he had a breakdown due to being brought up in an abusive house hold and with his meds and abusing alcohol and drugs he got violent towards me. i stress this was 11 yrs ago and its never happened since im much stronger now and would leave with my kids if it ever did but back then i stayed because i wanted to help him.) anyway up until the end of last year i had never told anyone my own family doesnt know what he did but when i saw that he had told her i was so angry. i was also ****ed that if he had a problem with me he couldnt just tell me in the past we had told each other. i felt like i was losing him emotionally???

im still worried he wants to find out about what its like to be with another woman he has told me a few times he wouldnt cheat on me but he has also said you dont know what you are going to do in a situation untill your placed in it....
id like to add all the men in his family minus my husband have cheated repeatedly on there partners so it makes me worry but my new motto is To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. i need to do this for him and to show him he can trust me.

thanks

...I just saw this...
This man has a tendency to become attached to people online and now he has VIP access to a porn forum? And he argues about it? He's curious about having sex with other women on top of that too? And she bought him a necklace he wears all the time?

If you won't take control of this situation it's going to go downhill. Act now!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

The hardest thing to do sometimes, is to step out of your own comfort zone, your own persona, morals, beliefs, and reply only, purely based on the OP's question, not personally.

Having said that, there is no justification for anyone to discuss their private life, of "intimacy", "problems" with another person, without their approval, in my opinion.

From extensive contribution on this Forum, in the past, "most" people commence with comments about their partner, in order to gain, the "awee" factor from the other recipient, thereby, leading to a "feel sorry" for you attitude which can lead into very dangerous water.

sinner
i need to do this for him and to show him he can trust me.

Sinner. You have a wounded bird. He has had problems with his past and has been on medication for it, it may have been 11 years ago and he may not have acted this way since. But, you do not have to prove to him to "trust" you, assuming your talking about yourself in a situation with another male. This should have been built along time ago.

On the same accord, "trust" means no snooping. So this would be hard for him to "trust you".. It's too late in that regard.

It appears that he has somewhat, co-ersed you into something you didn't know enough about, and as such, you since established more on it. I don't think it's right for people to place naked photos of their other halves on a site, for comments to be made, that's not my Morals but that's me. I don't think it is right for a married man to view those and comment either, but assuming that he sees it as "fun", that's his nature. Telling a female on line about your business is not on.

hopeless dork
I got to ask you, why is it better to talk about it? What benefit does it possibly serve? Why are two people who are supposed to be into each other so concerned with how other people look. Of course a guy's going to notice an attractive woman. But since when does it matter if your SO has to hear about it?

Flirting is healthy, a strong relationship that has no trust issues, is healthy, talking about makes it open, out in the open, harmless, and builds trust as the other person is aware, that it's "only talk", with total trust that neither would ever cheat.

I believe it's un-healthy to expect a partner "not" to comment if he/she wanted to in that knowing. Because there, they have to hide. If you have to hide in a relationship the relationship is not solid enough and therefore, has issues.

If someone wants to cheat then they will, there is absolutely nothing anyone can do about it, let's face it.

So, we need to go into relationships with trust and openess. If we have fear in this, then perhaps we chose the wrong partner, and in the back of our minds fear that cheating, or else, we have in-securities that need to be fixed, so that we don't fear.

CW

[stressed]

Just to clarify my posts:

Firstly, I don't see why my post was edited since I put stars (***) instead of any word, like the OP did.

Secondly, I did just that, I posted my view based on OP's original post. It was the same as the other poster's view about getting looks from other men and dealing with them. If I mentioned "what I'd do" was only to give another perspective, which I think it is shared by most people with common sense and sense of morality, which I assume that the OP shares with me, judging by her choice of words.

Thirdly, it is also clear that this man has been sneaky with forums before, it was only last year he had some sort of emotional connection with a woman he met on a forum. It doesn't take much thought to see that this man has such tendencies, considering his change of password on a porn forum. The reasons behind why he did what he did do not give him the right to do so.

And finally, it is important to mention to the OP that his behaviour, regardless of what he was like 11 years ago, is not 'normal' when it bothers her. We can discuss what can be considered 'normal' or not in another thread, but since this is something that bothers her and something he's apparently stuck with, then we cannot tell her "don't worry about it, it's alright, let him be". She has to realize that her feelings count as well.

Just because this man has been on medication, has suffered in the past and has a family with her does not give him the right to treat his wife like this. And I cannot see what he does in any other way than offensive.

[Hopeless Dork]

I understand that there is no harm in commenting how hot someone else is to your partner. I just don't see the benefit. Therefore find the practice pretty pointless. We both agree that said lady is hot, k, great. "That waiter, his face is adorable... and that butt... did you see his butt hun? freekin awesome!" I mean okay so now my boyfriend knows that I think the waiter is hot and has a butt.

That made us happier how? Closer how? Feel good about ourselves how? That waiter means nothing to us, isn't going to think twice about me, yet I've made my guy probably question his own butt... and for what? It just seems like I could very well notice the hot butt, note it in my 'that was a nice butt that doesn't benifit me in any way' file and not have to make some strangers butt a staple of our convo. Thats just me.

[stressed]

I understand that there is no harm in commenting how hot someone else is to your partner. I just don't see the benefit. Therefore find the practice pretty pointless. We both agree that said lady is hot, k, great. "That waiter, his face is adorable... and that butt... did you see his butt hun? freekin awesome!" I mean okay so now my boyfriend knows that I think the waiter is hot and has a butt.

That made us happier how? Closer how? Feel good about ourselves how? That waiter means nothing to us, isn't going to think twice about me, yet I've made my guy probably question his own butt... and for what? It just seems like I could very well notice the hot butt, note it in my 'that was a nice butt that doesn't benifit me in any way' file and not have to make some strangers butt a staple of our convo. Thats just me.

I agree with this point of view as well. As to us it's only an instant thought, we won't be thinking about the waiter on the way home, we won't dream about his butt and won't wish that our S/O had the same butt. Yet, if we mention it at the table we risk having our S/O wondering for the rest of the night if his butt lacks something or not, no matter how comfortable he pretends to be about it.

Certainly, there are many couples who are comfortable with this, they can even be used to it, but like HD said, it doesn't serve any purpose. If we find a butt cute then, fine, we do for a whole two seconds. But why mention it for to our S/O or anyone else whatsoever? Is it going to make us look 'confident' or 'cool' to others? Do we really need something like that?

[sinner]

The hardest thing to do sometimes, is to step out of your own comfort zone, your own persona, morals, beliefs, and reply only, purely based on the OP's question, not personally.

Having said that, there is no justification for anyone to discuss their private life, of "intimacy", "problems" with another person, without their approval, in my opinion.

From extensive contribution on this Forum, in the past, "most" people commence with comments about their partner, in order to gain, the "awee" factor from the other recipient, thereby, leading to a "feel sorry" for you attitude which can lead into very dangerous water.



Sinner. You have a wounded bird. He has had problems with his past and has been on medication for it, it may have been 11 years ago and he may not have acted this way since. But, you do not have to prove to him to "trust" you, assuming your talking about yourself in a situation with another male. This should have been built along time ago.

On the same accord, "trust" means no snooping. So this would be hard for him to "trust you".. It's too late in that regard.

thanks i appreciate your comments chandlers wish
as you know im new to the forum and have never been on one before and i never wrote this post for sympathy what so ever im not sure if thats what is being implied ive probably just read the post wrong so if not im sorry.

i just wanted peoples opinions advice and or experince on the situation im dealing with. i have no problems with any of the post and dont mind people putting their opinions in, so long as its not against forum rules.

when i said i need him to trust me i meant in me not snooping so that he doesnt have to worry ill check up on him

so thankyou to everyone who posted i appreciate it all

[sinner]

ohh man i dont know what i did but my "quoting" didnt work

[WildChild]

ohh man i dont know what i did but my "quoting" didnt work

When you copied it you lost a [/ in front of the last word Quote] at the end. If that happens and you notice right away you can fix it. There a 4 or 5 minute opportunity to edit right after you submit your reply.