[sallyskellington]

My husband is always saying how unhappy he is, how I don't contribute emotionally financially sexually... The list goes on and on all he does is . And I'm sick of hearing it. I'm miserable to but I don't half as much as he does I just ing deal. He will probably at me when he reads this bc he puts spyware on my computer to see all my passwords conversations and websites I go to. He says I do nothing around here and always want a pat on the head .So I ask him yet again why he stays and besides his normal comment of "to make you as miserable as you make me he says its b/c he said he would stay that he took my dead beat off my parents hands and I'm his burden now. And that without him I would end up in the streets and he doesn't wanna see that happen.He says how he is the only one doing his part and trying. I ing put up with his rude comments about my family and where we live and the way he treats me. I'm sorry but in my book that is more then trying . Anyway just needed to vent sorry...

[caterpillar79]

Vent away, Sally.

I see a lot of sarcasm in his way of telling he cares about you.

"he said he would stay that he took my dead beat off my parents hands and I'm his burden now. And that without him I would end up in the streets and he doesn't wanna see that happen."

How long have you been married?

[WildChild]

He must be getting something out of it or he would leave. It sounds like the two of you are feeding each other's misery. Can you do some relationship counseling? You are both young and have many years ahead of you, why spend them tormenting each other? You must have been happy together at some point in time. After all you married. Can you recapture that?

One thing I've observed is that many men find a lot of their own happiness and satisfaction, even self-worth, in knowing they can make the woman in their life happy. Could you try being appreciative for what he does? Some real thank you's. smiles, you might be surprised at the result.

[sourpuss]

One thing I've observed is that many men find a lot of their own happiness and satisfaction, even self-worth, in knowing they can make the woman in their life happy. Could you try being appreciative for what he does? Some real thank you's. smiles, you might be surprised at the result.

I think you hit the nail on the head here. I can totally relate, my ex was miserable no matter how hard I tried to make him happy. Eventually, you can't help but take it personally. Add on top of that the resentment of feeling like he does everything and you're both backed in to a corner.

He's feeling unappreciated and trapped, like nothing he does will ever make you happy....which is true, you have to make yourself happy.

I think there needs to be a lot of communication between the two of you. You need to understand where his hurt, anger and resentment is coming from and he needs to understand where your unhappiness is coming from. Then you need to work together on remedying those problems.

[Guest]

Oh Sally,

I am so sorry you are going through this. XOXOXO & {{{HUGS}}} to you.

My SO and I used to have very similar words with each other. took a long time and some counseling to understand that what we thought we were doing for each other, wasnt what the other wanted. what i though was important to my SO, wasnt so important to them; and what was important to them, I just completely missed the cues about.

communication is key, and not just fluff talk, not generalizations. I found out that the big thing was not having socks put away. all it had ever been said to me was that the blanky blank house was a mess.

[jennellebelle]

then leave him for a spell, then see how HE handles life without YOU.
He can talk the talk, but can he walk the walk?

[Mes T]

Also, imo, that comment about you being in the streets without him is pure emotional abuse, used to control you, particularly if he says these sorts of things often.

My ex loved to say things like, "No one will ever love you as much as I do" to scare me into staying in the relationship!

[Texinator]

Sally, I remember you once said that he claims your problems aren't his problems and that he isn't very supportive. That he puts software on your computer to keep track of what you're doing and where you're going is also a huge red flag.

I know you're very hard on yourself and I could see where that might frustrate him, but I don't think such a frustration would justify his behavior. So why don't you just leave?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sally, I wonder if you were out there on your own whether you'd hate yourself as much as you do.

Staying in an abusive relationship, of "emotional abuse", "constant put downs", "fear of leaving because no one will have you, because that is what was drummed into you", makes you feel down, un-attractive, fat, ugly, etc.

We've seen your pictures and we know that's not the case.

Imagine, having the exact oposite being told to you over and over, imagine where your mind would be and how different you would be..

If you think I'm wrong, I'm not, I'm living proof... All those types of things were said to me as well.

And, I'm loving life, on my own, with my new man, and love what I look like

Have a serious think if this relationship is really toxic for you..

I think it is.

CW

[Little]

There are so many people who love you, Sally.
Just think of us here - we care about you, read about you, check up on you. You've given light to so many posters here with your positive attitude - so share it with yourself.
Don't take any treatment that you don't deserve. In fact, don't take ANY bad treatment, even if you think you DO deserve it! Because you DON'T.
I suggest you take your "dead-beat" bottom back to your parents' house for a weekend and cut off all communication with him ... see what he says then. Show him that you can, indeed, leave.