[sinner]

At first I was all for 'not going to the doctor with her' as well, but now I'm thinking, if the baby is his and she is the mother of his child, then he has the responsibility to go with her. It doesn't matter if it was 'an accident' or if he doesn't love her, it can still be his baby and he had sex with this woman. He had the 'guts' to have sex with her, now he must have the 'guts' to face the consequences and support this woman. He can't just have sex with people and then leave them when there's the possibility of conception. I'm not taking that woman's side, I just think that he must act like a responsible man and deal with his actions. As the last thing that child will want to know is that it was a 'mistake at a bar' and it doesn't know who his father is. He needs to take a DNA test right away.

i see your point totally.
having the test right away would be the best option but as far as i know and im know expert i believe its amniotic test the ones they do when there maybe a problem with the pregnancy but they also run a high risk of miscarriage so its a lose lose situation

on the other hand he seems to be considering this chicks feeling but not his partners who he has done wrong by. the child is going to have this man in his life if he turns out to be the father but what if he is not and does become emotionally attached to the baby and/or other woman during the pregnancy?
also what about the other men shouldnt they being doing their part? this guy isnt the only guy she slept with.
he needs to step back work on his relationship then when the baby is born take it from there.......

my heart goes out to you darlin i hope things work out for you.

[Mortisha]

I also believe it is his responsibility to take her to the doctor and if this is his and it may be his only one why should he not experience the doctor visits, sonos and all of it. I do tell him that I dont want any other communication with her other than about the baby and he agreed that was right. He says that is all the communication that they have. Can I be sure? The trust issue is BIG!! It is very hard not to be suspicious of him. I want so bad to believe him. Maybe time will help. I can only hope.

[Iseulda]

Pre-natal DNA testing is available but it is expensive. I think he needs to insist on a DNA test at some point - especially as she's obviously admitted that he wasn't the only guy she had sex with during the window of opportunity.

On a side note, there is not a high risk of miscarriage with amniocentesis, the taking of a sample of amniotic fluid, there is a very slight risk - that is still too much for some people. He certainly could not force her to have it done. Amniocentesis can be performed from the 14th to 24th week of pregnancy. Earlier, 10-13 weeks, Chorionic Villi Sampling (CVS) is possible, that is taking a small sample from the placenta. I don't know as much about that one, I should imagine there is a similar slight risk of miscarriage.

I think that it sounds like you really want to make a go of it. People do get past cheating and carry on with healthy relationships all the time. It isn't easy though and I think you are very brave. The best thing you can do is be honest with him at all times, about how you are feeling, about how you perceive his behaviour with her, about the baby (if it does turn out to be his). The worst thing you could do is suppress your emotions and have them build up and spill over. Not to mention if you are totally open with him he is far more likely to be totally open with you.

Again, I think you are very brave and I wish you the best of luck.

[stressed]

I also believe it is his responsibility to take her to the doctor and if this is his and it may be his only one why should he not experience the doctor visits, sonos and all of it. I do tell him that I dont want any other communication with her other than about the baby and he agreed that was right. He says that is all the communication that they have. Can I be sure? The trust issue is BIG!! It is very hard not to be suspicious of him. I want so bad to believe him. Maybe time will help. I can only hope.

You can never be sure, no matter how much you choose to trust him. If the baby is his then he will have to visit her often, check if everything is ok, buy necessary items, food, support her, all this leads to connection which it can lead to other things. He will have to be around for the baby and we don't know how she feels about him. Even if they only go to the doctor together and talk about the baby of course they will end up having more discussions in the future. But you have to realize that once a baby is involved your man will be 1/2 with you and 1/2 with them.

It's not just a cheating situation, we're talking about a man with the possibility of having 2 families. If the child is sick in the middle of the night he will get out of your bed to go to them and you won't be able to complain, whether she is with someone else or not, he'll be the father and she'll be his child's mother, they will always have a connection that you won't have with him as you don't have a child together. Even if you love each other to death, this is going to put a lot of pressure on both of you and you're not even married yet.