[rcoreyus]

If he's wealthy, it gets tricky. Are you expecting to keep half he wealth (don't know the laws in your area)?

[gonecrazy]

i would get more than i could make my whole life. and that wouldnt be half just what he would give to me.

[Guest]

. . .

and actually the saddest thing for me will be leaving my horses and dogs they really are like children to me. one dog we have had for about 6 years and one of the horses i have had for about 5 years.

. . .

I am trying really hard not to be judgmental, but the bit above is about the saddest thing i have ever read.

i do not believe that you should stay if you arent happy and know that you have no feelings for him.

you both deserve to be with someone you love and who loves you.

but imagine if the roles were reversed and you read him write something like that.

i dont know either of you and it still breaks my heart to read it...

[WildChild]

to be honest he is very wealthy and coming from a background of seeing how hard my friends and family have to work i thought well it would be nice not to have to worry about money.

and i know that 99% of women (not saying you lot!) would just stay with someone for the easy life and money. im not a material person but i thought surely must be something to this! and actually theres not.


but dont get me wrong my husband has his bad points. for the last year he has told me daily he is going to die. then he decided he found god and wanted to force me to join because if i died he was going to worry about what would happen to me. of course now i have threatened to leave and suddenly hes not going to die and hes over the god thing.

My sympathy is with your husband. The claims that he was going to die and getting religion were probably responses to a lack in the relationship, efforts to evoke some connection or emotion from you. In any case they aren't factors in your decision, they happened after you married him. They weren't a cause for you stop loving him because you didn't love him anyway. Non issue.

Yes some people would stay for the money, just as some would be tempted to marry someone they don't love because of the money. Women and men have done this. Neither is right unless you have a clear and open understanding on both sides. In the past and in many parts of the world today, marriages are arranged to merge fortunes, cement alliances or in some way bolster the men of the families needs. Women are essentially chattle, bagaining tools in these cases. But you haven't indicated that as the situation here.

If the money really isn't a factor, then you should tell him the truth and leave - without the money. You've had 5 years of ease, have no children with him and it sounds like you are fit and able to work. Get out in the world and earn your own dogs and horses. The ideas of allimony, community property and child support are based in the need to provide for women who have spent years as homemakers, may have no marketable skills, may have spent years helping their spouse develop a business or being the support network behind his doing so, and have children to raise and care for. These laws keep women who thought they were in a mutually agreed upon life partnership from being tossed out into the world with nothing. They are still needed vestiges of a system in which women were forever minors, dependent for life. We are seeing that applied in some cases now to domestic partners and men who have been the home based one. (I know a woman who has been paying support for a total dealbeat for years, it's an imperfect system) The most you should take is enough to get home and perhaps further your education so you can better support yourself. But what you decide between you is just that - between you.

Be honest with him. It isn't his fault you don't and never did love him.

[rcoreyus]

Now it gets difficult. It will look like you married him for the money, once you were sure you could get it, you left. I'm absolutely NOT saying that is what you did, but be aware that some people will see it that way.

So - would you be willing to ask for a divorce, and not ask for any money?

i would get more than i could make my whole life. and that wouldnt be half just what he would give to me.

[Explorer44]

I'd say divorce, and leave him free to find someone who actually does love him. That make take some time, given that he will be hurt.

I don't read anything about an emotional connection between you two, I don't see where you talk about how you will miss the romantic moments, or any positive things, actually.

But I agree with the others. Don't take any of his money, get a job, and acquire your own material things. That would be the honorable thing to do.