[kaylar]

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The 'best' divorces are those which are carefully

[kaylar]

Have your lawyer rehearse the procedure with you.
Know what you are going to say, as if you are an
actress and this your big role.

You have had to know this day was coming and
prepared yourself for it.

The marriage is going to end here, and let go
of it. No regrets, no maudlin memories.

Move on.

No dates, no meetings with the ex...keep it
business like.

Give yourself a long enough time to heal and
to grow new emotions.

You have to move on.

The easiest way is the clean break.

Sometimes you have to go away for awhile
so as to become yourself.

Many women spend their marriage as Mrs. Him.
when Him is not there, she doesn't know which
way is up.

She hasn't a clue what she likes, in fact she
can do ten minutes on how he likes his tea,
not 1 on how she likes it, because she doesn't
remember how she likes her tea...if she likes
tea...

You have to get yourself together as yourself.

Some women go to the extreme, changing their
appearance, their diet, their wardrobe, trying
to recreate a self. You might not have to go
that far.

But you have got to reach the stage that you
remember he is no longer there...
and you are on your own.

[kaylar]

Take time between your divorce and another relationship.
Even if you have someone...even if you were unfaithful and
caused the divorce, jumping from Mrs. Him into being Mrs. Man
is a BAD idea.

You are carrying baggage.
You've got to dump that baggage.

I recall one woman telling me...

"I was out with L, and we were sitting at a table, and
he pushed out the extra chair, and said, "Dave", (my
ex). I was caught between wanting to slap him, burst
into tears, run out of the restaurant...instead I just
sat like a zombie."

"I never realised that I was bringing Dave into our
relationship. I was certain that I scarcely mentioned
him. Obviously, I was wrong."

You don't want to be in her position.
You want to be able to say; "When I went to..."
"When I was..." not "When we..."
You don't want to blurt...
"Oh that's what Dave said!"

Like a hard drive, you delete files, you dl new files
which overwrite the space the old took up.

[kaylar]

B.D./A.D.


Marriages break up.
Fault is not a requirement in most jurisdictions.
One doesn't have to 'prove' someone was wrong.

People DO grow apart.

A lot of spouses were casualities of the Tech Age
because they simply didn't have access or weren't
interested.

So there's X who doesn't have an email address,
Y who is the mod of two message boards.

It is not X's 'fault' that computers/internet didn't
'catch' on...nor is it Y's 'fault' that cyberspace has
become the natural habitat.

So never consider divorce a failure.
Never feel that you could have done more or less
to maintain the marriage.

People grow apart, and move on.
That is all that there is.

One Divorce doesn't doom you to being Elizabeth
Taylor, nor do two.

People are constantly changing mysteries, and
just like your tastes change, so that you no longer
prefer strawberry when you can have rocky road,
so too with a friendship and a marriage.

You shore your losses, and you move on.