[rcoreyus]

I think children will do best with parents who are in a happy loving relationship, whatever their genders. Needless to say many will disagree.

[pretzel]

Thank you again for your replies,



Yes, my girlfriend is OK with my marriage but I'm not gonna lose her in any way. All of my options are based on the fact that I will continue my relationship with her.

I don't love him as much as I love my girlfriend, but I do care for him. It's not like I can't live without him but if I want to get married one day, I will not find a better opportunity. You're right, there's no deep love for him.

I don't really need someone to support me, I've been totally on my own for the past six years. My family are the religious type and they disowned me when they found out about my relationship with her (long story!), for the past four years I'm also supporting her because she's younger and she's currently studying her PhD.

My girlfriend is also Bi, but we have never had such a relationship. At some points each of us had our own boyfriends but never experienced someone being intimate with both of us. I'm not sure about this one.




I believe he deserves to know, I'm most probably going to tell him.

Me being with my girlfriend has always been an option for both of us for many years, and I can't afford to lose her.




I'm not in the US, I live in the UK. Here there's no same-sex marriage but there are civil partnerships which are almost identical to marriage.

I always wanted my kids to grow up in a normal family with mom and dad, rather than with two moms. But I always thought about marrying her if I couldn't find a good opportunity to marry a man.


I'm heading now to the councilor, will check here again at night.

Nas

I'm of the opinion that your relationship with her is more important to you and a relationship with him would be more important to any children you two may have. That's what I'm reading.

Is that the conflict?

In which scenario would you be a better parent?

In which scenario would your partner be a better parent to the children (whether or not their biological)?

Would a marriage with him (and children) be a good environment for raising children?

Would a marriage (civil union) with her (and children) be a good environment for raising children?

I'm of the opinion that Western Societies are at a stage in our development where the raising of children is now based on what parents give and teach, not solely because it's a man and women. There are studies after studies that show that children of same gender households suffer no greater harm in their development than that of traditional households.

[Guest]

hum this is a brain twister. I think you have thought it out but maybe you should think of it like this. If you were dating two men and one said marry him and see me on the side, you would be getting a response that the second man was not that into you. Why would she want you to risk your marriage? If he thinks you are cheating on him now what would he think if you were doing it while you were married to him. If you told him that you were seeing this girl but want to be with him exclusively, than maybe he would be OK with it. I worry about your feelings for this girl who thinks its OK to be with a married woman. If your husband cheating with another girl you would be POed. I also want to know why you think you need a man to full fill all those needs. If you and this woman are happy why not have kids with her, why not live with her as partners for life? Why is it a man that you need? But then again a need is a need. You say you don't love him as much as her. If he said he never wanted you to see her again and he would forget the past and move on with your future together could you do that? If your answer is no than I think that is your answer to his proposal.

[pretzel]

I think children will do best with parents who are in a happy loving relationship, whatever their genders. Needless to say many will disagree.

I 100% absolutely totally agree.

[Nastaran]

Hi all again,
Thank you for your replies. Sorry I couldn't post here for a few days.

So here's how it went:
I invited him to my place and after dinner I told him everything, and he became very very angry... I've never seen him like that before. He left and ever since he's not answering my phone calls, texts, voicemails, emails... I came to his place many times and he just doesn't let me in or talk.

Today is the third day after this happened, and still the same. I don't know what to do now, I think he needs some time.

[WildChild]

My guess is he is very hurt right now and needs some space.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Nas, if you have no "deep" feelings for this man, then your considering marrying him for all the wrong reasons, children, husband, picket fence.

All relationships, in general where love is involved, are exclusive, no one really likes to share.

A boyfriend, new, would accept you and your girlfriend and him, but usually, with her involved in a 3 some.

I don't know if you need to tell him, I think that you know in your heart you don't love him and why crush him over 1) breaking off with him and then 2) advising you've been sleeping with someone else the whole time.... and it was a woman... he may feel in-adequate and find it hard to 1) trust again and 2) believe in his manhood abilities.

My thoughts are, to just walk... stay with your lady, whom you obviously love for now until you fall in love with another man and want to leave, or you find a man that accepts both of you as it is now, and is okay with marrying you or having your child.

CW

[maro87]

no one can choose 4 u,u have 2 decide what is more important 2 u??
2 have a loving husband and a bright future,beautiful kids and a safe home?? or u want 2 live 4 ur own inner desires and let them lead ur way and ur life???
i think thats the major aspects that u should decide first and then ul surely know what is gonna be ur next step 2 take...