[allniter2382]

I am miserable in my marriage, my husband is controlling, manipulative, hateful, hurtful, angry and emotionslly and psychologically abusive. I know, I should leave, but I am pregnant with twins and I have 2 sons. I don't have a job, but I am on ssdi and I only get 570 a month, I have no family, my friends can't facilitate my boys and me and I have no assets. What should I do, everything is in his name and we are not technically married so I wouldn't get anything and even if we were legally married, he would make sure I get nothing. He has emptied our accounts, taken my house keys and car keys, traded in our family car for his own truck, had me arrested for assalt because he and his friend lied, took my son and wouldn't tell me where he was for over a week, called cps on me about my other son, lied to our friends and his family so they would think poorly of me (and they did), told me he wasn't seeing anyone else so he could sleep w/ me still while we were seperated, when in actuality he had been meeting women off the internet dating sites and having them over to "our"/ his house and around my then toddler son...the list goes on and on, and I know I have to leave, but I don't know where to go or how I will be able to care for my sons. I am going to have an abortion and then check myself into a psychiatric hospital to get away for right now, but then what? Please any information or insight or help would be greatly appreciated~!

[grrrr]

Against my better judgement I'll respond.

Your situation totally sucks.

You don't have to be the "victim" - there are outlets.... from what I've read, it seems like you feel trapped. What I can offer is that you shouldn't let him take your keys.... that's not acceptible behavior.

There are shelters that you could go to so that you can escape this... I know that this is a huge decision, but shelters could be an option, and they can help you find work too...

Clearly you're not in a healthy situation for YOU - but you have kids, and you have to think about them too - is it healthy to stay? Starting over is hard, but you clearly know that it's what has to happen.

[nikky]

Girl you really are in a big mess..

One thing you should knw is life is to short and nobody has the right to make you unhappy and miserable.

Personally i think you should have an abortion or give the kids up of adoption when you have them, is obvious you wont be able to take care of 4 kids.
As GRRR said there are shelters that can help you. You need to start your life all over againg..well planned this time without the father of your kids.

He dosent love you, his friends do not like you, he is making people belive you are a bad person and a bad mum. It would be better for you to live knw you are still alife cos someone like that can Kill you and people would cover up for him. You have everything to loss, you have to be able to take care of your two kids and yourself.

What really kills us women is the fear of the unknown..i bet you, you would be very supprised how you would be able to change your life and be able to cope when you live him...its better to live alone than to die in silence..
wish you the best.

[jns]

You may be able to find someone wanting to adopt the twins and willing to help you out in your circumstances for assurances that you will put them up for a private adoption to that person or couple. How long have you lived together and in what state? Unless you are truly ill, don't go to a psychiatric hospital. It could be used against you in a custody fight.

[sourpuss]

Depending on what state you live in there are common-law marriage laws. If you lived in the state I live in, technically you are married and entitled to 1/2 of everything. You would have to file an actual divorce and go through all of that, but it would be worth the trouble given your situation.

I agree that terminating the pregnancy is probably the best given the situation. When you go to the doctor, please ask them about resources available to get out of this mess. There are safe houses in every town for women in your situation. Please look into it, they are there to help. You need to get your boys out of that situation and get yourself out so you can focus on being a happy and healthy mother.

I also agree that you don't need a psych hospital. You're not crazy, you just need a positive support group. Please don't put this on yourself.

[Ashlee T.]

Look for a local safe space. Where I live it's called BRASS (Barren River Area Safe Space). They usually have websites, and a hotline. They are totally private, for instance I've lived here for years and still do not know where BRASS is, because they keep it totally private for a purpose. They often provide you not only a place to stay, but a donor cell phone so your bf can't track you. They also provide care for your children.

If I may ask, why are you on SSI? It sounds like you are drawing very little. Are you totally unable to work?



First - Find a safe space.

Second - Get out. He's GOING to hurt you, it's a matter of when, and how. Do not leave your children. He will portray that to the courts as you have abandoned them. If he no longer has you to abuse, he will likely begin abusing them.

Third - Let others help you. Safe spaces provide counselors. After a few days of being out of the home, then decide what to do about your current pregnancy. You love those babies already, your profile pic says so. Adoption is a wonderful option. Don't make a rash decision in the middle of such turmoil. Make clear informed decisions.

Fourth - With the help of those at the safe space, develop a plan. There are MANY options out there for single mothers.

Do not allow yourself to be a victim anymore. You came into the relationship with no assets, you leave the relationship with no assets. No loss. It's time to pick yourself up and make your own life, for you and for your children. It's time to take responsibility. If you terminate this pregnancy, or even if you don't, once you have them there's absolutely no reason not to get on some form of bc. With your income, you can get it for free. Step up...take control of YOUR life. There's no time better than now.

[starjoy08]

Know your rights!!!! You have them. You may have a common law marriag, which would really help. Talk to a laywer, many times they will meet with you for free. Find a save place. Make a plan for you and your children in case it gets worse.