[vikingfan23]

You guys are probably right, there have been several girls from his past (before we were ever together) that continued to call him after we got married, they all wanted him and wanted to hook up with him. After we were married he told them he was married now and to not text him with like that anymore. So there is no telling.
On an up note, we went to church this morning and spoke with one of the Deacons, he gave us a number of a couple that are marriage counselors so we are going to give them call.

[stressed]

Some of the things he said must have been true, others were maybe said only to "get her to bed" easily. He might be staying with you because of the kids (he's done it before) or he told her so to make it feel "alright" for her to cheat. The classic "I don't love my wife", so that the other woman won't feel any guilt for having sex with him, even if he does.

This is serious and going to a counselor is a very good idea. You both need to discuss a lot in the following days, say everything that bothers you/is on your mind/want to change and be honest with each other.

To me it sounds as if he'd meet her if it was for real, and that's worth worrying about. Whether he'd actually cheat or not is another issue, but it's enough to cause a red alert in the relationship.

[Karma3]

Is it possible that maybe one of your friends knows that your husband is fooling around with someone and didn't know how to reveal this to you so played this trick on him to expose his true self to you? (just a thought)

[vikingfan23]

I guess anything is a possiblity at this point. All of these things have went through my head. I've thought that maybe he felt safe talking to her online because she said she lived on the other side of the U.S. so it wasn't like she could just meet him somewhere. I've thought about him saying that stuff too so she would continue to talk to him, but like Stressed said it still brought up my alerts. So we will go to a counselor and see what happens. I don't know who the person is, or if it's something they know or just want to start trouble. He hasn't had any of the other typical signs of cheating, like coming home late or unavailable when I call, I get the cell bill so there are no unknown texts or phone #'s on there.

[Ashlee T.]

Hmm, I don't agree necessarily. It could have been someone that knows the OP and knows his ways and wanted her to find out.

Either way, his response to the situation is quite telling. He thought he had some greener grass, and thankfully someone mowed it down before he got a chance to cross to the other side. But the point is, he seemed quite willing to jump to the other side. On top of that, he revealed "feelings" regarding your relationship that you didn't even know existed. My answer is no, I don't think I could move past that. I don't think I could forget those words. When an adult chooses to lie, they have to understand that at some point you stop believing what they say. How do you know what's real and what's not? How do you know which one of you he's telling the truth to?

Regardless of why, or how....his integrity was put to the test, and he failed miserably.

[rcoreyus]

There is a reason the police are not allowed to use entrapment (in theory at least). The idea is that it is possible to tempt someone to do something they would never do under normal circumstances.

[Hopeless Dork]

There is a reason the police are not allowed to use entrapment (in theory at least). The idea is that it is possible to tempt someone to do something they would never do under normal circumstances.

I dunno. Reminds of those 40 year old guys that they get on 'to catch a predator' ...that show up the meet the 13 year old girl from the internet with a box of condoms, a 6 pack of wine coolers and strip naked before walking into the house... then tell chris hansen "i was only going to talk to her". We'll never of course know their true intent since there really wasn't a 13 year old waiting there for them... but eh..... you can make a reasonable deduction that they weren't there to counsel them on the dangers of the internets when bringing coolers and condoms.

Its essentially entrapment... they flirt with the men, in the way any kid might and kind of reel those poor helpless defenseless men () in with promises of fresh baked cookies and sex with a minor.

If the OP's husband would have followed through or not will never be known as the opportunity to do it was ripped from him. It may have been all talk, he may of been all business. Only he knows.

The fact that it didn't happen gives some hope that this may be a blessing in disguise. Maybe the next person that does this to him, will not be playing games but he will be more strong in his commitment to you and less tempted.

Your relationship was tested, he failed but is human. Perhaps his ego was in need of some flattering, everyone's is from time to time. She was gassing him up and if he was at a weak moment of feeling "old" or past his prime... her reminders of his youth and how he use to be hotstuff may have given him a thrill that was hard to resist.

Are any of us really beyond getting satisfaction out of someone finding us appealing? Maybe... but depending on his state of mind at the time it could impact someone more or less.

Not saying the OP has been ignoring him, some guys have very attentive wives/gf's and still crave the attention of other women. But if you guys have both been busy with family and work and maybe losing sight of time for each other... it made this opportunity to feel desired a lot more lucrative than it otherwise would have been.

Don't blame yourself, don't hold on to hurt and anger if you plan on working through forgiving him and moving on. He didn't cross the line... and with counseling you guys may come to understand what he felt was missing that lead him to that, find out what you feel is missing now that he's said what he has... and try to come together in a new refreshed way of seeing your relationship and each other. Best of luck to you guys!

[Messymiss]

I think

This is definately some sort of weird set up. I really do think 95% of men could easily fall for this to just have a bit of fun and boost their ego even if they do not plan on going ahead with the meeting. Its is not worth ruining your relationship over,especially when you have a child. The other thing is, this may have taught him a lesson and he wont be so eager to jump in if the opportunity comes up again. I have been through something similar. I was there when my husband (an x cheater) received an email from a woman enquireing about a local sport he was involved in. She said she got his email address from the local sports shop. I immediately knew that would not be right but he he trusted her and gave her the info she wanted. She then tried to spark up an online "friendship" and then "accidently" added him to her address book and invited him to a party. She sent some rather raunchy photos of herself. He then realized this was some sort of set up so I emailed her and told her to fly off. To this day I wish we had have gone ahead with the game and worked out who it was. It was obviously designed to set him up and to cause us trouble. I dont know if he would have told me about it if I had not have been there the first time he got the email. I will tell you that once you have been bitten, you never ever really trust again. sorry! You just learn to live with it. Messy

[rcoreyus]

That is exactly what I was talking about - but I think we have different views on it. Belongs in a different thread.

A lot of people don't have a chance to see how they would react to real temptation - a lot might disappoint themselves.

I've know people who thought they would never work for the military - until they were offered a summer job at 3X what they would make other places - suddenly working on missile guidance systems didn't seem so bad
"precision weapons save lives" after all.

I wonder how many people have turned down somone they were really attracted to, when that person had made an extended and skilled attempt to seduce them?

I dunno. Reminds of those 40 year old guys that they get on 'to catch a predator' ...that show up the meet the 13 year old girl from the internet with a box of condoms, a 6 pack of wine coolers and strip naked before walking into the house... then tell chris hansen "i was only going to talk to her". We'll never of course know their true intent since there really wasn't a 13 year old waiting there for them... but eh..... you can make a reasonable deduction that they weren't there to counsel them on the dangers of the internets when bringing coolers and condoms.

Its essentially entrapment... they flirt with the men, in the way any kid might and kind of reel those poor helpless defenseless men () in with promises of fresh baked cookies and sex with a minor.

snip

[vikingfan23]

UPDATE: Just wanted to let you guys know we went to our first counseling session. I think it went well. We got into the whole facebook encounter with that girl, I told him how it made me feel. He apologized and said he did figure out it was some game or set up, once she said they went to school together he knew she was not telling the truth. He admitted he was wrong for playing along with her and apologized for it. We also dug into some of my issues with trust and discovered they originate from my father cheating on my mother, their divorce, then every guy I dated thereafter cheated on me. I've just always expected to be cheated on, so in my current relationship/marriage I keep expecting it and looking for it. It made him understand why I act like I do and that it wasn't directed entirely at him, but that this incident exploded it.
He told them he loves me more than he can say and that he will do anything to make this marriage work. So for now, that is enough for me. We will be going weekly to this counselor and see what happens from there.