[jns]

I'm glad that things are working out for you. Best of luck.

[rhiannon34]

Doesn't sound to me like he's telling the truth about "playing along with her" and I would not be a ble to work on something with someone that could not at least tell me the truth. JMHO.

[lacysmom]

hummmmmm......

Vikingfan, sounds like you are in the same situation as I am. I had previously posted under the "is texting cheating" thread as I discovered that my bf of four years had been texting and messaging women on facebook. He has sworn that nothing happened, and he did not actually cheat. Of course, I was devastated that the texting etc. took place at all, as I consider that "emotional cheating." I am good with his children, take care of him, and trust me, these women he was texting were not interested in that part of his life.
I agree with some of the other posters; women are really nasty to each other when a man is involved. Don't do to others what you would not want done to you!! As for the woman that contacted your husband, she sounds like a vigilante chick, cruising facebook setting up and then exposing cheaters, and not a professional in any way. However, I repeat my comment from the other thread - facebook and other technology are not the problems, it is the constant judgment calls that people who use these tools have to continually make that are the problem. Alot of the stuff that gets turned up on those sites is better left dead and buried.
Hope you are doing better. Truth be told, in my situation this occurred during a rough patch, and he is bending over backwards to fix issues, and work on the relationship. I am struggling with getting over feeling hurt, as I am sure you are. My bf got scared when he realized that something stupid could wreck everything. I hope that your husband got a good scare as well. If not, and by that I mean being patient and honest with you, and taking responsibility for being stupid, then you need to think about the relationship. After all, you did nothing wrong, he did. And he should be turning himself inside out to fix it.

[vikingfan23]

Yes Lacysmom, he is doing everything to fix it. I think he also got a taste of how "stupid decisions" can wreck the marriage. He didn't think it would amount to anything or that anyone would get hurt, we are addressing that in counseling as well...him thinking about my feelings before he acts on something. It is hard to let go of the past and move on, but I am doing the best I can and he is doing everything he can to make it work as well. Thanks for the encouragement.

[caterpillar79]

Good luck. I wish you the happiness and love that you deserve.

While you both are working on your marriage, do yourself a favor of working on yourself as well. Meaning, do some things that you yourself enjoy doing on your own- to your heart's delight. Don't leave room to lose yourself in your marriage. For you to keep strong and steady, you'd need to start pampering yourself and nourish your heart and soul not expecting anything from him. For some reason I discovered that if we do this to ourselves, our man would even get magnetized by our own positive energy - one that we unconsciously create as we shower ourselves with the attention and love we deserve.

Take care and keep us posted, dear.

[Jams9354]

My opinion is you need to sit him down and tell him. look This has been weighing in on my since this has happened. I cannot stand to sit and ponder about what happened. I dont think that it was an internet research becuase how did she send this stuff to you? Did he give her the information to contact you?

Tell him that you want to stay with him (if you do) and that you want to be sure that he is not going to do it again


If that dont work then just be nice. Dont bring it up, be someone your not used to being, be loving more than you have, when hes on the couch go sit by him and place your head on his shoulders and just tell him you love him. If he asks "what do you want now" just say nothing just thought i would tell you i love you. do something for him that you wouldnt normally do and do it on a week to week basis. bring up a casual conversation with him around with your mom or someone on the phone and just say yea i think facebook is stupid and (if you have one) i dont get on it no more just becuase it causes to many problems and i dont want problems because i dont want to loose the one i love. He will then sit and ponder about what you just said. He will also see the nice side of you and love that and want to love you right back...

[Jams9354]

for example my fiancee has a son he hasnt seen in like 10 years becuase he couldnt find him and the state couldnt find him either. I got online one time and looked every bit of information that i could up. I found him and i set a picture on his computer he asked me about it and i said who do you think that is. He said i dont know. I said i found your son. He was happier than happy. Found out that he lives in a totally different state. So he is now doing court battles to see his son. we got closer than ever after that becuase i showed that i cared just by finding his other half. (his son)

[dekarella]

Honey, this is the sad what you have to go through because I have lived with it and see what it can do to a family. I know you love him, its obvious, but it doesn't seem like he feels the same way, it almost comes off as if what you guys have is comfortable for him so he doesn't wanna leave although emotionally, he's already gone or was never there. Unless you BOTH are serious and go to counselling, it will eat you inside out because even his first reaction upon learning the truth sounds like B.S. He wouldn't have told her all of that personal information if it wasnt what he was feeling. A man first cheats in his mind when he makes the decision and then secondly when physically doing so. You also said he had inappropriate text conversations with girls, dear, a man who LOVES HIS WIFE WILL NOT ENTERTAIN FOOLISHNESS from any skank, not even as a joke. If you are a praying woman, pray, because he will not just change magically. Don't do it for the kids, cuz they grow up & move out, and not just cuz u love him either, do what you need to do cuz you love yourself and deserve happiness; it may just not be with him but with someone else.

[Texasred]

That was not a researcher. It was either someone who likes to create trouble, or an acquaintance who wants to break you up. Possible a blackmail attempt and she gave up.

I agree that was not any kind of "researcher," but it could very well have been one very sick puppy - not even necessarily a woman - and probably not someone that either of you know, so don't waste a lot of time wondering if it was this or that person.