[texasoccer]

I don't know where to begin but, after being married for 19 years I found out that my husband kept a sex tape with an old girlfriend. Where the problem comes in he has told me every time I asked him if he has ever made a sex tape with an old girlfriend. Every time he told me no. I am very confused about what I should do. The pain is just horrible!!!

[Mes T]

Have you confronted him about it?

[Hopeless Dork]

Where the problem comes in he has told me every time I asked him if he has ever made a sex tape with an old girlfriend. Every time he told me no.

Is there any reason you've felt the need to ask him mulitiple times if he made one? Did you have some sort of reason to suspect him lying about it during all these 19 years?

[rcoreyus]

He may be nostalgic, even still have some feelings for her - but he is with you now and has been for 2 decades. I don't think this is worth a fight - she is absolutely no threat.

If he was constantly watching the tape, that would be different - but it may be something he would feel bad about throwing out.

[jns]

He probably doesn't have strong feelings for her, just every once in a while thinks back to what might have been. Some guys cannot just obliterate their past and like to have some mementos. Does he have any other reminders of her, such as pictures of them together?

[WildChild]

Get rid of the VCR, then a tape won't be an issue.
The lying would be an issue but like HD, I have to wonder why you've asked. I don't think I've ever asked a lover that. Are there other tust issues?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

If your husband has a sex tape of the two of you, and that's why you asked him, "have you ever done this with anyone else before? " and he answered no, now you have established that not to be true, I understand why you feel hurt and deceived as you would have felt you were the only one, and it was your husband and you gave, did something with him that no one else before had done.

It therefore in my opinion if this is the case, would be in-considerate of him at that time, but not everyone understands our emotions, the lie could have been that he "wanted" you to feel you were his first and this girl may have been his only other one.

Ask him.

CW

[stressed]

Show him the tape. If you want to do something extreme, you can have it running when he's coming home, to give him a shock (I would do that, but not many would).

He lied about a sex tape with a 'real' person he has been involved with in the past. Destroy and throw the tape afterwards, but do confront him about it, so he won't take you for an ignorant who he can lie to whenever he wants to.

[rcoreyus]

Creating a conflict may not make the situation better. If the tape doesn't mean anything to him, the he will be happy to have it destroyed, but it wouldn't have been a problem in the first place. If it is important to him then he is likely to resent its destruction, or worse, refuse to destroy it - creating a major problem.

It didn't sound like there were other problems in the relationship.

[Joey]

How did you find the tape? Where you intentionally looking for it or did you stumble upon it randomly? and like said above, what has made you feel the need to ask him a lot if hes made one with an ex?