[WildChild]

I do have to differ on the idea that an engagement doesn't change anything. For many people an engagement and/or marriage brings in a whole different set of expectations and can kick start a previously hidden program of behaviors, responses and actions. I've expereinced it and seen it many times. Communication is the key, really talk it through. You've known each other a long time and hopefully this won't create too much trouble.

[pretzel]

I do have to differ on the idea that an engagement doesn't change anything. For many people an engagement and/or marriage brings in a whole different set of expectations and can kick start a previously hidden program of behaviors, responses and actions. I've expereinced it and seen it many times. Communication is the key, really talk it through. You've known each other a long time and hopefully this won't create too much trouble.

Here I agree. There is a huge difference when couples are "talking" about getting married or having children. When those convesations go from "when" to actually doing, the game changes. Those things that were only your feelings and wants are now your intentions.

It's a new ball game from saying to actually doing.

[KMonte85]

Maybe its time I just bite the bullet and talk to my boyfriend about how he feels about getting engaged soon(ish). I wanted to just decide if I was ready or not before I talked to him, but now I think if we just discuss the "what ifs" first it will give me more clarity.. both of us are involved in an engagement anyway! No pressure to actually do it, but then he will at least know that I'm seriously contemplating it, and see where he's at! I know he's said he'll get married tomorrow if I want to, but what happens when I say, yeah - lets do that! Wonder if he'll turn flush and faint? haha (totally joking)!

[LanaBear]

lol - KM - you crack me up.

[sourpuss]

For me, marriage being what it is today seems totally negative to me. Of the last 10 weddings I've been to in the last 5 or so years, almost all of them are divorced.
The strongest relationship of my friends are the people who don't subscribe to those norms. You don't need to be married to have children, live together, own a house together, plan a future together. That's just me, everyone is different. But the only reason I can see to get married was if it was a legal benefit in some way, like being on someone's health plan or some sort of tax break that would make it financially worth it. (but if you have the big woopity-doo wedding, that savings is lost anyway)

Just my two cents.

[stressed]

When the time is right, there is going to be a moment when you will strongly feel that you want to drag your boyfriend aside and tell him "I want us to get engaged". That moment, when you will be looking at him thinking "I am never going to leave this man, I can't think of my life without him in it".

Don't feel pressured about friends or people getting engaged/married/having children. Lots of people have been pressuring me lately to get married, either because "I'm getting old" (I'm 25!) or because they got married at 20, had kids by 21 and think that's the way to go. But you know what, many of those "young married couples" only got married because the girl got pregnant, not because they had decided it. So, to have such people advise me to marry because "I'm getting old"... no, thanks. Just because you made your "mistake" doesn't mean you made a decision everybody must make. Add to this the divorce rates of people getting married before they know what they get themselves into.

You will know it when the time is right, trust me. If it is to happen it will happen without you having to think about it, one of you will just say it

[samanthatallon]

maybe the hesitancy is a little piece of your brain going 'let it happen naturally!' lol
I think that yeah your both ready, but just enjoying life, and it wouldnt be such a bad thing to wait either, your obviously both in it for the long stretch. The engagement sometimes to some is like the final leg, i wuld say whan it happens, it just will, there will be no planning or anything like that. You will both just do it, your ready but not lol, if you catch my drift. Let nature take it course, and let everyone else get married, when it calms down i bet thats when you guys will make the jump.
Best of luck to you both, you sound like a happy young in love couple, life can get so serious so quick! enjoy!

xoxo

[Ashlee T.]

Hmmm.......well, here's my thought, when you're truly ready to tie the knot, you'll know it. This is your life....and you should never force yourself to choose or pressure yourself because youre flip flopping.

I know you don't have doubts about whether or not you want to always be with him, but having doubts about marriage does not mean you're having doubts about HIM. So don't let anyone make you feel like (even if they're not meaning to) that where you are right now isn't good enough or that you should be already at X point on B quadrant of life.

I'm 27 and I still don't even know if I ever want to be married. Society makes it hard, you've heard me rant about that before. Makes me feel like somethings wrong with me. But I see way too many people too eager to rush into a legal commitment thinking that somehow it's going to make some sort of lifelong undying committed love for them. But it doesn't.

You have the love, you have the commitment........so why feel rushed/pressured/inadequate just because you're not ready for the big M?

[samanthatallon]

wonderfully put!

[KMonte85]

I know you don't have doubts about whether or not you want to always be with him, but having doubts about marriage does not mean you're having doubts about HIM. So don't let anyone make you feel like (even if they're not meaning to) that where you are right now isn't good enough or that you should be already at X point on B quadrant of life.

I'm 27 and I still don't even know if I ever want to be married. Society makes it hard, you've heard me rant about that before. Makes me feel like somethings wrong with me. But I see way too many people too eager to rush into a legal commitment thinking that somehow it's going to make some sort of lifelong undying committed love for them. But it doesn't.

You have the love, you have the commitment........so why feel rushed/pressured/inadequate just because you're not ready for the big M?

This is so much what I feel all the time! I am LITERALLY (not exaggerating) asked at least once a day when I am going to get engaged/married. When it was just once in a while I could blow everybody off... but now with wedding season in full force it is EVERY DAY. It's wearing me down.. and almost making me insecure about something that I know is not a problem at all. I do want to get married, when I've met my goals. Why is that a problem?

But when you've got that bug in your ear constantly, it starts seeming like maybe it is a good idea and it *is* time. But then I just wonder if that is really me talking or just the bug in my ear finally crawling into my brain and telling me to go ahead and do it even though I'm not quite ready yet, I've got things I want to accomplish first!