[samanthatallon]

you will simply know it i guess, and i wish you both well for the future!

[Ashlee T.]

Well I typed up a response and then accidentally backed out of it and lost it. So here goes a recap:

The Americans for Divorce Reform project that 40-50% of first marriages will continue to end in divorce if trends don't change. 41% for first marriages, 60% for second marriages. Should these stats scare you OUT of getting married? Of course not... but what they should do is tell you that all this hooplah you're seeing with the engagements, weddings, is just that....hooplah. What the stats do tell you is that those flaunting their engagements like they just won the Nobel Peace Prize, will very likely have a change of tune once they're actually married. Why? Because almost every young woman I know who is engaged, or hoping to be that way soon, already has their colors picked out, what their dress will look like, what their flowers will look like. They're focused on engagement parties, engagement pictures, bridal showers, dress shopping, bachelorette parties, who's gonna make the cake, who's gonna do the flowers, and oh LORD what music will be played!?!?!? So what's missing here? Ummm.........their partner perhaps?

And then just wait....they'll all get married, you'll spend half your monthly income on wedding gifts and bridesmaids dresses, the roar will stop for a few months and then guess what? BABIES!!!!! One of them will start talking about getting pregnant, then they'll all start talking about it....and soon enough you'll find yourself feeling pressured (even if you've decided you want no kids) and inadequate if you're not "trying" to have babies. Then you'll get to hear way more about your friends sex lives and ovulation schedules than you ever dreamed possible.

I could go on and on. I've got a few years on you, and let me tell you, it takes a will of steel to not be pushed by the societal pressures. Marriage can be an awesome thing......when you're ready. When you're truly truly ready and the thought of it doesn't plague you, "should I? Shouldn't I?". You have a plan, this is YOUR life. So live it....and every time you start to feel pressured, go talk to women in their 40's-50's-60's who've been married for ages and they'll tell you "Honey...stay single as LONG as you can...enjoy it!!".

I tell people, and mean it wholeheartedly, "I guess I have different goals than most. Marriage is not one of my goals...children are not one of my goals. If I am blessed enough to someday marry someone who is truly my best friend, and if I'm blessed enough to be able to have children with him...then great. But if I'm not, I'm still a whole person and I am still blessed."

[KMonte85]

Thanks, samantha, for the well wishes!

BD, it is so nice to hear from someone who shares my point of view. I never dreamed of my wedding when I was a little girl... my barbie dolls were going to space or on some jungle exploration - not wearing wedding dresses and marrying ken.

Even now.. I've thought a bit more about what my wedding would be like, but only in respect to how I will have something so much less expensive and hauty than the wedding of my friends and acquiantances. I don't need all the bells and whistles, nor do I want them.

I like your comment about "different goals". I think I will be using that Especially on one of my closest friends (married)who gives me guff every time I see her. She grew up wanting to be a married stay-at-home mom. I grew up wanting to be a doctor or architect (I'm neither, but... eh!) That's the difference between us, and she needs to hear about our differences in life goals - instead of "oh, yeah, well.. when the time is right it will happen! teehee."

...Maybe it is time for no more MS. nice girl! I'm sick of these people making me feel inadequate because I want to continue dating my boyfriend and do some things before getting married... you'd think I had a horn coming out of my forehead the way I get looked at when I mention things like wanting to save money, travel here and there, and focus on my career before getting married, settling down and having babies! Sheesh!

[LanaBear]

Marriage can be an awesome thing......when you're ready. When you're truly truly ready and the thought of it doesn't plague you, "should I? Shouldn't I?". You have a plan, this is YOUR life. So live it....

This is SO true... If you are questioning, should I, shouldn't I, then no, you shouldn't. Like I said, wait until this dreaded "Everybody has to get either engaged or married between May and September" season is over, then reevaluate your feelings.

I honestly don't even know if I'd talk to him at this point... I mean, if you aren't sure what your true feelings are, what good is talking to him about it and getting him going "Whoa, there Nelly, are you saying you want to get married next weekend?" My feelings are be firm and true to yourself, in what you believe and when you feel the time is right, then talk to him.

I mean, when you talk to him about the should we, shouldn't we, you, yourself need to be prepared for him to whip out a ring and saying well, yeah, I've just been waiting for the right time. Then if you are TRULY not ready, you may be the one hyperventilating and running for the hills.

Marriage is HARD and shouldn't be taken lightly. All too many people do it just to do it. But it depends on the couple too, I've heard it all, trust me, all those blasted divorce statistics. But I also got married when I was 20 and no, I wasn't pregnant. I've had "friends" from HS tell me that I'd be divorced by the time I was 21, that we'd both realize that we were too young and our eyes and bodies would wonder away from each other. Screw it... They are the ones that have been divorced, some multiple times. I honestly felt and still feel, this man that I married, was put on this earth for me and me alone, he compliments my being as I know no other person can. We'll be married for 12 years this Sunday and I don't regret a day of it.