[caterpillar79]

He couldn't picture himself without you and his kids? That's BS (pardon the term, I just feel so intense about this issue). LET him see himself without you all - leave him and tell him the reason why. The kids would be affected if you lose yourself in this. He could still visit them if he wants but his behavior is not setting them a good example. In my book, any hint if flirting is not harmless - it sure is a huge redflag. It's a prelude to physical cheating, but emotional cheating had already begun right there and then. This man doesn't deserve your love even your tears. Forgive him, but forget him as well. Move on.

[mnd]

Update

I would like to say I appreciate your responses... Nevertheless, I thought I would be able to get past it all... I do love him! Well, we had a sit down a he said that he does this because our sex life hasn't been too exciting lately and he has needs and I've been 'y lately'.. Well, I tried to explain that our sex life was affected due to the first incident that happened about 7 mobths ago and I don't feel 'sexy' when all I can think about is him wanting all these other women.. Long story short, in his eyes It's my fault. So now I believe we're at an impass! He says I just need to let it go and everything will be fine.. Is it just me or does this sound like he still feels he's doing nothing wrong? I hate to think he's never going to change.

[LanaBear]

It is convenient for him to put the blame on you because then he has nothing he has to change... So, now you live in unease that anytime you do anything he doesn't like, off he goes texting random women looking for nasty pics. And, to be honest, more than likely he is doing it anyways, whether he's upset with you or not. You are just supposed to let it go, without any further thought about it? Heck no...

More than likely he knows what he is doing is wrong (it would be a far stretch to find any right about it) and may just not really care, he doesn't appear to be remorseful at all. He's not respecting you and your feelings about the situation, but has shown complete disrespect for you by continuously doing it again and again.

Question is.... Can you deal with this for the rest of your life? If he doesn't feel like he is doing anything wrong, chances of him changing... Slim... In 5 years, will you be doing the same thing over again?

[sourpuss]

That's a cop out and incredibly immature to put the blame on you! I hate to say it, but he hasn't even taken the first step to ever changing, which is admitting that he was in the wrong. So now you're supposed to forget it ever happened, have tons of sex with him and hope that he stops....what?! That's ridiculous. If it were me, I'd take a break, move out, cut off contact for awhile and send the message that you're serious and this behavior is what's killing the relationship. Take the time to really focus on yourself and what you want and need from a man in your life and stay true to whatever you decide.

[WildChild]

Sounds like he can't accept responsibilty for the results of his actions. If he can't see that his behavior breached your trust, he's not going to see much else. He's using the results of his intial behavior to justify this behavior. Total BS, he's got his head stuck someplace where the sun don't shine.

He had put on blinders and yes, it sounds like he is making it your "fault". As long as he does that he can justify to himself that what he is doing is OK. He isn't likely to get it unless you (at least figuratively) whop him upside the head with a cast iron pan. Lock changes are pretty easy to do and learning new things is good for you. If he wants to keep this up, tell him he can do it from another location - out of your life.

[LanaBear]

Lock changes are pretty easy to do and learning new things is good for you.

As always, WC does make a good point.

[herbie]

Hurt is hurt feelings or physical ; if he slapped you in the face the same amount of times he text these woman would you stay .To me its the same thing actually worse a slap only hurts for a bit .This is serious he is cheating on you emotionaly at the least........Dont stay with this person

[caterpillar79]

It's going to be a viscious cycle, unless he takes responsibility for his actions and take the time to re-evaluate everything with you and do something about it.

It's best to focus on you and what makes you happy. Do not fail to set up your boundaries and live up to it. DO NOT falter. Hold your ground and as WC, Lana and SP said, he is making it your fault - the easiest thing for him to do. Do not succumb.

[stressed]

He won't change until he realizes that what he does is wrong. For as long as he does not understand how you feel, he cannot change. If he does understand then he does not care and definitely not love you. Are you sure this is something that started months ago and he hadn't been doing it all along? He claims that your sex life is bad but instead of trying to work on it he turns to interactive porn with strangers and co-workers. But in his head he doesn't cheat, he doesn't think that "wanting to" is as harmful as "doing it", so he believes he does what "every man does".

Unless you make it clear to him that you cannot live like that any longer, that you're one foot out the door, he won't change. He can, but it's up to you to make him want to. If he truly loves you he will understand at some point, he will realize that you and the children are worth more than his fantasies. That he must work together with you to improve your sex life instead of isolate himself with fantasies of other women. But it takes a huge "slap" on the face to wake him up first, a shock. Imagining or having to live his life without you, alone with his fantasies. Otherwise he will never change. Make him choose because enough is enough.