[mnd]

Well let me start by saying I'm new to this...
I have been despertly tring to decide if I should leave my relationship of over 4 years. we have had a constant issue with him and texting other women; some seem innocent enough but others are horrible.. asking them for inappropriate photos or to 'hang out'.
It has happened on more than one occasion but every time he says its innocent flirting and he see nothing wrong. I finally got him to realize, or so I thought, that it hurt me (my self confindence etc.)

The last time was about 6 days ago when I found texts on his phone between him and a co-worker where he's asking for sexy pics. She never sent them to my knowledge...The time before that (about 2 months ago) he was asking a young lady whom he had met at a mutual friends party to meet him so that he could watch her "work the pole". But I HAVE found utterly discusting photos that women have actualy sent him. He says he's just flirting and that he would never go through with anything; that he only loves me and can't pitcure his life without me or our 2 children. SO I GUESS MY QUESTION IS texting and photos really cheating or should I be able to get past this??? I just feel hurt and don't know if I will be able to really trust him again.

[Mes T]

There's a similar thread on here called "is texting cheating," you should search for it and check it out - might be useful to read another person's similar story.

I would personally be extremely upset, like you, because that is crossing MY boundaries.

Looks like he doesn't feel the need to stop this behavior, despite it causing you pain, so I think your choices are to live with it or leave. Personally, I would leave.

[ocularone]

Wow..mnd i just want to point out the fact that I am a guy and I think this way crosses the line. Personally i would already have an issue with the fact that he is texting flirtatiously with other women. I can understand that flirting can be perfectly harmless but this doesn't seem even like "just flirting". It sounds to me like he is trying to make a serious play to sleep with other women. I would highly doubt he is even being faithful to you right now. Could you honestly say that if he were given the opportunity to sleep with these women he is texting, he would turn it down? Sounds highly doubtful. I'm not sure where ANYONE would say it's harmless and just playful for a person in a committed relationship to ask other women, especially co-workers, for sexy photos of themselves. I don't know your boyfriend but it sounds to me like you managed to get into a relationship with the duke of planet douchelon... If you want to be in a relationship with someone you can trust and isn't attempting to get into other girls pants all the time..My advice would be to leave.

[pocari]

I think, you can just do like he does, or at least tell him what would he feel if you do that to him, like asking nude pics of several guys n stuff, well you don't have to do that, the thing is, only to know if he feels hurt being treated like that? I guess he just doesnt realise what he's doing... asking for some women's sexy pics are just too weird... I agree with ocularone that he would try a serious play to sleep with those women. at least IF he is really not into sleeping with other women, what he did is totally showing that he is cheating.

or perhaps he did that cuz he saw you doing the same in the past? well I don't know. If you never did that then he is the starter.. If you have done that long time ago, then he might lowering his standard of the relationship and think that those things he did is normal. ykno what I mean?

Think it over again, the relationship doesnt have to end, but sometimes it's good to give someone a lesson.

[Joey]

You say that you have discussed this with him. Discussed how it makes you feel - how hurt you feel, lowering you self confidence etc et. You havent moaned or nagged about it - you have been direct and told him up front. But yet he is STILL doing it too you. that doesnt sound like a man who cares for his woman at all. He has acknowledged your feelings temporarily - and then chosen to discard them to continue to chat up other women and request photos from them

You have told him about your feelings once. and he pushed them to the side. do you really think he will change if you tell him again?

[SaharaJim]

4 year relationship with 2 children. That makes things different than if it were some casual relationship. He says he can't picture his life without you and his children. What does his actions say to everyone he contacts about his relationship with you? Unlike the porn threads he is dealing with "real" people. These people have to assume that your relationship IS NOT what he is telling you it is. I think another discussion with him is in order and he needs to understand that his ACTIONS are screaming CHEATER so loud that you can't hear the "I love you" he is SAYING.

[PandaPaws]

Oh my gosh this is so tough, and unfortunately I can relate. It is SO hard to trust again, and I'm not even sure I trust my bf again yet, but I'm trying. Once I found out though, he said he stopped immediately, and had some heart to hearts with me about his self esteem issues, wanting to feel wanted etc. - Not that ANY of that is an excuse, but I begrudgingly TRIED to sort of understand that... If he kept doing it, it would be over an in an instant though. I cannot and will not accept any more of that behavior. It's hard enough to deal with a past like that, let alone a present and continuing behavior.
If you love him enough to be able to get past this, and (KEY POINT HERE) if HE loves YOU enough to STOP this , forever, then you could move on. The question is, Do each of you love each other enough to make it work?
And then if you decide you DO, it takes WORK in the relationship to get it in a good spot again. We are still in that "working" phase... I know he thinks I'm being "needy" now, but I told him he made me that way. I need more reassurance than I've ever needed before in my life, to know that every day, I am making the right choice to stay in this relationship. Your bf needs to PROVE to you that you should stay with him. Whatever it takes.
However, if you cannot get past it, you have to leave... and it will be so hard I'm sure.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's not tough.. He's justifying.

In his mind, he's not having sex, just asking for it, via photos, via text message, via anything and he might as well be on a chat line, viewing porn.

It's wrong. It's non-respecful.. These are people that he works with, you are going out with him... He's not even using people that you would never, ever, meet in your lifetime with him.

Disrespectful.

Tell him that. And, tell him he's non commital and go and enjoy his single life, as he's living only with thinking that you don't deserve respect.

In that, he will really think about this and realise he is about to lose you. At present, your allowing it, by accepting his excuse... It's flirting.

No it's not... It's obtaining pornagraphic photos of women that he knows. That you may meet.

CW

[lushley666]

He is behaves like he has not repsect or regard for you or your children, even though he knows how you feel. That is just selfish.... to know he has daily contact with these 'classy' women who send him the photos must be torture. Personally, if it was me, he would be gone.

[JadedQueen]

If he doesn't see anything wrong with what he is doing it's only a matter of time before one thing leads to another and he does actually have an affair. I don't think he has any respect for you and your relationship the way he is carrying on, and continues to carry on.

Would he be okay if the shoe were on the other foot and you were texting another man, or sending racy photo's of yourself to another man?

Another point.... you said you don't know if you can trust him again.... anything that he is doing that is creating a lack of trust isn't healthy for this relationship and once you lose trust in the person you are in a relationship with, it's only a matter of time until the relationship completely falls apart.

You deserve better, you deserve someone that loves you and doesn't need to flirt, text, sext, or ask other women for nude photos.... someone that makes you feel loved, secure, and that you trust. I say dump him and find yourself a real man!