[Ashlee T.]

I wouldn't wanna start planning a life or a future no less a $95,000 party with someone until they put a ring on my finger.

Which is why I won't be planning a 95k party with anyone. That's not a WHOLE lot less than what I paid for my HOME!

I guess from my perspective it's not so much the act of being engaged that causes the problem, it's what we (society) has turned it into.

You all were very lucky not to fight during such a stressful time. I hope you all have a long happy healthy marriage.

[WildChild]

Much of this harkens back to a time when women were essentially if not outright, bought and sold in a marriage. It wasn't the ring then but the dowry and bridal gifts. In some cultures her family paid, in other's, his paid. Even in the modern day, muslims pay a dowry for a bride and this affects the marriage arrangement and is one reason why cousin marriages are so popular. That aside, the gifts given and price paid are an indicator of the families status and social posisition.

Since in such social systems women had little real value, no earning power, no 'power', the wedding and hoopla surrounding it really were 'her big day' and for many, the ONLY day in their lives that was. Thereafter she was shut away in her husband's household, with very probably no future opportunity to shine. The size of the wedding and gifts (traditionally including jewelry) was pretty much her lifetime indicator of her value. Of course now marketers have taken over the whole thing and it's a huge cash cow.

What a pity we women haven't moved past this sense that our self worth is vested in what price man will 'give' for us (ring) and what our families will pay to prove our market value with an expensive wedding.

[Ashlee T.]

What a pity we women haven't moved past this sense that our self worth is vested in what price man will 'give' for us (ring) and what our families will pay to prove our market value with an expensive wedding.

Very well said as usual. Very well said.

[confusedbyheart]

Relationships are hard as it is. If you get engaged at a happy time and everything is good doesn't mean stress doesn't happening when planning a wedding.

I do agress people go wedding crazy. I had a small wedding, very easy, cheap and fun.

We both did change a little when we got engaged, a little for the good and a little for the bad. Which body tells you about.

Marriage is hard anybody that has been marriend for 20yrs+ all say it was rough. So if you can't survive a little stress through engagment then you'll never survive marriage.

It all depends on the isses. An arguement doesn't mean the end of either. Sometimes I think people put in the towel to early when things get tough in a marriage. I had a woman tell me their was a period she couldn't even stand her husband.. Thye have been happily married for 40yrs

Engagement should be about the marriage no the wedding.. Don't go broke over a piece of paper that has only a 50% chance of working anyway