[melissa_rbts]

I can see where this came from - he wanted to be a doctor and failed. That would certainly leave him with feelings of inadequacy. It is important to him that people, especially you, believe his medical advice - he spent years of his life on this. In addition he feels he is protecting you from the bad "side effects". I understand all this and sympathize with him but HE IS WRONG!

I must say that the only reason he didn't become a doctor is because he didn't want to. He attended med school because he was "fascinated by it". And he's a natural when it comes to computers and tech stuff. He says it's much easier to make a living out of it than practicing medicine and he's right. "Do what you love and you'll never have to work in your life". He never has to work like I do and earns ten times as much, and he has all the free time in the world to do them. He doesn't try to be my family doctor. In fact he took me to a doctor again today for my menstruation problem and complained to that doctor about my pill.

[Hopeless Dork]

Slapping you in an effort to "snap you out of it"... is kind of back-handed, hun. Its him making an excuse that blames you... he was only trying to snap you out of it, it was for your benefit that he slapped you... do you see what I mean?

Even if we were talking about drugs, or more serious pills... it still would be bad... but him slapping you out of taking midol or something like that? Its ... scary. I can understand your reaction, its almost defensive... because it feels probably like whats been said here is sort of attacking your judge of character. Like you feel like you've known this man for 9 years, he's never done anything like this... so theres no way he can be anything people here are concerned about.

And only you know, you know him better than anyone, you know what he is capable of and isn't... I think many of us... myself included, have been through an abusive relationship, or have seen up close and personal the destruction that follows the first woopsie, im sorry slap.

Hopefully he is not controlling hopefully he never hurts you again, whether to 'snap you out of' eating something with high fructose corn syrup or otc meds or anything he is opposing at the time. He has to be able to understand that he is not your father, he's your husband and while he may not like your choices, your an adult and don't need to be disiplined for not doing or doing something he wants or doesn't want you to do.

I think its just hard for most people, especially people that have lived through sticking with someone through that first slap, then the next , then the closed fist... then the choking and bashing their head into the wall ... etc etc. to just reply with... aww, hun, its just a slap... it'll be fine.

Most of the reactions are not done to say you don't know your man and he is going to harm you seriously one day if you don't leave this moment... but a tale of caution, in hopes that you can dig deep and decide if you can trust him not to harm you.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He doesn't try to be my family doctor. In fact he took me to a doctor again today for my menstruation problem and complained to that doctor about my pill.

I know you probably think that we're "picking on him" but you know yourself, your concerned over what happened and HD is correct in the way in which she has explained what she meant and what he did...

But, he is trying to be the family doctor... He took you. And then he complained to the Doctor, so he interfered with a Doctor's decision, stating what he believes.

So, is it possible that really he did want to be a Doctor and is regretful? Perhaps?

The problem that people see is that once a person hits you, they never stop.. It does happen again..

It seems something is bottled up so much inside that he's at the edge at the moment.

CW

[melissa_rbts]

I know you probably think that we're "picking on him" but you know yourself, your concerned over what happened and HD is correct in the way in which she has explained what she meant and what he did...

But, he is trying to be the family doctor... He took you. And then he complained to the Doctor, so he interfered with a Doctor's decision, stating what he believes.

So, is it possible that really he did want to be a Doctor and is regretful? Perhaps?

The problem that people see is that once a person hits you, they never stop.. It does happen again..

It seems something is bottled up so much inside that he's at the edge at the moment.

CW

I don't think you are picking on him and I greatly appreciate your saying what you think. I'm not worried about this. I just get this depressed feeling every time a think about it. I want to give him and give this some time. And it turns out he was right about that pill thing. I'm sure I know he didn't want to be a professional doctor. He just never rests until he gets what he likes. Be it trying to get license ranging from motorbikes to light aircraft or learning to speak French and Spanish when he's never set foot in either country.

I feel I did some cheating on my part. I did promise him I'd quit and I didn't.

And I need to thank CHANDLERS WISH, rhiannon34, sallyskellington, rcoreyus, rhiannon, Hopeless dork, SaharaJim, Beautiful Disaster for reading this and replying. I really appreciate it. I don't really have anyone to talk about something like this except my folks and I don't really want to tell them.

[hizenberg]

slapping you is not a good way to deal with whatever problem he has with those pills,have you asked him what it is that he doesnt like about them and why? Just tell him that its not cool to slap you like that and it realy shocked the !#
out of you.maybe there is more to this than you know?i hope you both work this out because no matter what you do to him it is definatelay not cool with him slapping you ever, violence against women is realy bad.

[Ashlee T.]

He admitted what he did was wrong to me and he only tried "to snap me out of it" and just lost control.

Then he truly needs anger mgmt. "Losing control" is like saying, I no longer have control over my actions, therefore I no longer have responsibility for my actions. People frequently try to prove "loss of control" in a court of law, to relieve them of their responsibility in a crime. It rarely works....because it's BS. "Losing control" is NOT an excuse. Period.

What about when you have children..... will it be okay for him to lose control and smack one of them across the face like a ragdoll? I'm pretty sure you won't be okay with that.

Maybe it doesn't "add up" when you think about it..... but it adds up because it happened. That's reality. Obviously, it's your decision to make.......but it's weighing heavy on your mind because you saw something out of someone you thought you knew so well, that was totally unlike anything you'd ever known. You saw a side of him you didn't know he had. So at this point, if it were me, it would cause a trust issue and I'd insist on anger mgmt classes in order to regain that trust.

[melissa_rbts]

Maybe it doesn't "add up" when you think about it..... but it adds up because it happened. That's reality. Obviously, it's your decision to make.......but it's weighing heavy on your mind because you saw something out of someone you thought you knew so well, that was totally unlike anything you'd ever known. You saw a side of him you didn't know he had. So at this point, if it were me, it would cause a trust issue and I'd insist on anger mgmt classes in order to regain that trust.

You really pinpointed my cause of worry here.
I had a little talk with him last night — boy does he know how to talk... If it weren't for the cautions you guys had given me, I'd have forgotten and forgiven everything right then and there. I forgave but I didn't forget. But I also know he's never going to raise a hand at me again (and NEVER is he the type to abuse our children, or for that matter, any other child. That's when we have children, which will be soon )

Thanks again to all of you for helping me by saying what you think. Please do. I think I'm going to hang around this forum for a while.

[Ashlee T.]

But I also know he's never going to raise a hand at me again

I hope and pray you're right.

I forgave but I didn't forget

Smart women never forget.

You really pinpointed my cause of worry here.

You're right to worry. I think you'd be really abnormal not to worry. What happened to you is a scary thing, confusing, hurtful....and totally unacceptable. Anyone who makes excuses for "why I hit her" doesn't fully know the wrong they've done. Otherwise they'd be saying "I have no idea why I did that...it was horrible...I was wrong...and I'm going to get some counseling to try to figure this out and make sure it never happens again". Someone who says "well, she hid this from me, I was worried, I was trying to make her understand....but I didn't mean to hit her"... doesn't fully grasp that they've done an unacceptable wrong that truly has no excuse.

I pray this works out for you, and that he never raises a hand to you again. In addition, I hope you watch out for any signs of control he may exhibit even if it's not physical control. Do not let it happen.

[Texasred]

I have a very ridgid and uncompromising view. Take it for what it is worth. NO MAN who is truely a MAN hits a woman. ... It is the act of a COWARD. .

X2 !!! NO EXCUSE! NEVER!
If you put up with it, YOU need counseling!
In my view, the ONLY thing you should have done when he hit you is started packing - or better yet, left immediately and sent someone you trusted to go do your packing for you!

[Texasred]

...That's when we have children, which will be soon )

Is it too late for you to re-think that?