[girl28]

my husband and i have been together for 3 years and been married for one. We fight quite often and my patience has been wearing thin. He has slapped me before when he thinks my 'tone' was disrespecting him. In some occasions when he has calmed down and apologised, he has let me slap him back just so that I could vent my anger. We have these vicious cycles of fighting and intense arguing and even though he doesnt physically abuse me, he taunts me emotionally and physically which drives me crazy! I dont think any of this makes sense anymore! Recently when I was sick and when we got into an arguement, I yelled at him and asked him to leave me alone. In return, he slapped me! I am just so hurt and confused! I have become bitter, and cant seem to find any affection for my partner. I am thinking of moving out but just dont know if this is a premature step....

[SaharaJim]

As I said on the earlier thread by another poster; my views are uncompromising on this. You should get out as quickly as possible.

[LanaBear]

Why have you stayed this long?

And, IMO, two wrongs don't make a right, just because he slaps you, you shouldn't give him the satisfaction of "mending the fences" by slapping him back, you should have left long long ago.

I think you both need to go your separate way and hopefully both seek counseling for the anger issues.

[rcoreyus]

Its never acceptable to hit someone. Personally I might give a one time pass under extreme conditions, but on the second time I'd be gone - no questions, no excuses.

[Ashlee T.]

No excuse. The fact that you're still in this marriage when he's hit you previously tells me that you have a problem of co-dependancy and low self esteem. Instead of asking yourself "why does he hit me?", it's time to ask yourself "why have I been ok with it enough to stay with him?". There are no excuses. Period. Black and white. Cut and dry. He is without any doubt in my mind, an abuser. Please look at the lists below....and really think about what they say and how it relates to your situation. I went through these and highlighted some I believe relate closely to your situation, and these are just the ones I can tell from your short post. Go through and highlight the ones that apply to your situation because I believe there will be more than what I highlighted.

Warning Signs of Being Emotionally Abused

* Frequently blames or criticizes you
* Calls you names
* Ridicules your beliefs, religion, race class or sexual preference
* Blames you for "causing" the abuse
* Ridicules/makes bad remarks about your gender
* Criticizes or threatens to hurt your family or friends
* Isolates you from your family and friends
* Abuses animals
* Tries to keep you from doing something you wanted to do
* Is angry if you pay too much attention to someone or something else (children, friends, school, etc.)
* Withholds approval, appreciation or affection
* Humiliates you
* Becomes angry if meals or housework are not done to his/her liking
* Makes contradictory demands
* Does not include you in important decisions
* Does not allow you to sleep
* Repeatedly harasses you about things you did in the past
* Takes away car keys, money or credit cards
* Threatens to leave or told you to leave.
* Checks up on you (listens to your phone calls, looks at phone bills, checks the mileage on the car, etc.)
* Tells people you suffer from a mental illness
* Threatens to commit suicide
* Interferes with your work or school (provokes a fight in the morning, calls to harass you at work, etc.)
* Minimizes or denies being abusive
* Abuses your children
* Breaks dates and cancels plans without reason
* Uses drugs or alcohol to excuse their behavior
* Uses phrases like "I’ll show you who is boss," or "I’ll put you in line"
* Uses loud or intimidating tone of voice
* Comes home at late hours refusing an explanation3


Someone who physically abuses you:
* Pushes, grabs or shoves you
* Slaps you
* Punches you
* Kicks you
* Chokes you
* Pinches you
* Pulls your hair
* Burns you
* Bites you
* Ties you up
* Forces you to share needles with others
* Threatens you with a knife, gun or other weapon
* Uses a knife, gun or other weapon
* Prevents you from leaving an area/physically restrains you
* Throws objects
* Destroys property or your possessions
* Drives recklessly to frighten you
* Disregards your needs when you are ill, injured or pregnant
* Abuses you while you are pregnant
* Forces you to abort or carry a pregnancy


I think it's crucially important that you get out of this relationship. Why would you want to be affectionate with someone who treats you like this? It's time to get out....but I think you know that already.

[WildChild]

Get out and get into counselling. If you don't have insurance your local county should offer some services relating to abuse. You should not be accepting it but it also sounds like you may escalate and you need to address this before you get into another relationship.

[sallyskellington]

I am just gonna suggest counseling, good luck!

[hizenberg]

slapping turns to punching turns to one of you being possibley 6 foot down in the ground, this is not a healthy relationship and the both of you need to stop as one of you could end up seriousley hurt if not dead.All it takes is for one of you too loose your temper and go too far,and this is possible to do if angry enough.And if you have kids or one day have kids,do you want them to grow up and think that it is ok to hit /punch sombody even if you dont mean too??If you both cant stop this then you both should get anger management,i say this to BOTH of you as you have admitted to doing this also and it takes 2 to tango, im sorry to sound blunt.I hope you can get past this and maybe look back together oneday and laugh at it,if not i wish you all the best in finding a safe and healthy solution to your relationship,You both deserve the right to a happy and healthy relationship.

[lime_lemur]

Nobody should have to live with this... and as hizenberg said, if you have kids, it would be a terrible environment for them to grow up in. My parents abused eachother when I was little and it was scary to see my mom crying and hurt after a yelling match. I imagine it would be unbelievably hard to take the step to end it and change your life, but you can't spend your life like this. It will only get worse. Once hitting starts happening, it doesn't get better, and I personally don't think a relationship is worth saving if it's gotten that bad. I made the mistake once of staying in a relationship for two years with a guy who would hit me, and unfortunately I have scars to remind me of him. Please get out of this relationship. It may even hurt him and make him realize his own mistakes if you're the one to take the first steps towards breaking it, but I think it's something you need to do.