[ku1234]

JH -I have thought the same thing, that maybe he still has something from the past that he isn't sharing. I hear exactly what you are saying and it makes perfect sense to me, but I don't understand why I am allowing this either. I do love him, but I don't know what to do now. Your question of what sleeping together will resolve really made me think... I guess it wouldn't resolve a thing really, and that is what he has been saying too... that the real question is "why he is doing all the deceitful things?" You make perfect sense, I could sleep with him, but all the other stuff will still be there. It must have something to do with my self-esteem, that I feel it would make me think he does desire me, I don't know... Gosh, I am pretty messed up with all this thinking. I sit here and write this to you and I can't seem to stop crying, I am a mess. It isn't fair, but I know, life isn't always fair.

I used to be so strong and this has broken me, I don't like this at all... I do deserve the truth, but he isn't sharing anything now. He feels he is doing so much by talking to a counselor, I just don't think it is enough. I so appreciate your feedback, it makes me feel like someone understands me and I haven't felt that way in a very long time.

[JustHormonious]

I feel like I deserve to be treated like I am something special. He says he doesn't want to lose me, but he doesn't act like someone who is deeply sorry either. He says that he knows what he did wrong and knows how I feel, just doesn't want to talk about all the time.

YOU ARE SOMEONE SPECIAL AND YOU ARE NOT BROKEN, you are hurt and you should be! What your husband has done and is continuing to do, is wrong. You are a very loving mother and wife trying to save her "family". You've made the decision to stay and work things out but your husband has to be a willing to meet you half way. Attending counseling is not half way in my opinion. You have questions and he should be man enough to answer them. He needs to remember that your marriage is in its current state because of his bad choices.

You are much stronger than you're giving yourself credit for. Tomorrow is a new day and you can decide to tolerate his current behavior or demand better. If he is unwilling to show you the love and attention that you need, why continue?
For him to say he knows how you feel...No he doesn't and him not wanting to talk about it, speaks volumes!

I am sending you lots of strength... You can get through this... You will get through this, your two beautiful children are counting on you. They have a very strong loving mother and don't you forget it!

~B

[ku1234]

My husband continued to talk to the counselor for about 3 months. He stopped when he said that he didn’t need to go anymore. I continued to go…So we began to move forward and things were going good. We had some arguments, usually because I was having a hard time dealing with the past.
Then in November of 2011, he attended the same conference I mentioned in an earlier post. He made sure he kept in touch and called all the time. The next week, we get the phone bill at home and I noticed that while he was out of town, he sent a text message to someone at 1:15am. I asked him about it and he was quiet. Long story short, he said that he made a huge mistake and sent a text message to a co-worker that said his room number. He said nothing happened, he was so drunk and he knows it was the biggest mistake… I never would have known what the text message said; he came clean for the first time. He isn’t a drinker, but when he does it seems like he gets hammered. This has only happened a few times in the entire time that I have known him. Just a side note, his mother is an alcoholic and has recently reached out for help and has been sober for several months.
He was very remorseful… So, fast forward to now… there are times that I have a hard time with all the things in the past and I will share it with him, and tell him that I need the reassurance. He thinks that I am just fighting and I want to be miserable. I don’t want to miserable, I want to be happy, I want my marriage to work but it seems like I am the only one.

Any thoughts or feedback would be greatly appreciated...

[jns]

So the old urges continue to come back to him. Your fighting is probably what keeps him from going further. He should have told you before you found out. It still sounds like he is sneaky.