[Lostmom]

Married almost 20 years and the unthinkable has happend. How do you "get over it"?

20 Years of trusting someone with your life-- now I cant trust him with a phone!

I dont know where to go from here

[lizzardb63]

If you want it to work, I would think counseling

[Ashlee T.]

Well...right now the ball is in your cart. You can't change what's happened....but what happens going forward is your choice. You choose to stay, or you choose to leave. I know it's much more complex than just that, but really....the ball is in your court.

Do you believe there is a chance you will ever trust him again?

Do you believe cheating in a 20 year marriage is forgivable?

Do you believe this was the first time he's done it?

[jeumaan]

All we can control is ourselves and our thoughts. Stay positive. There is no quick fix to "get over it" but with time. Everyday someone is busted for cheating, everyday someone is hurt by cheaters. It's part of life. We can't beat ourselves because it's the person that cheated fault, not yours.

[PandaPaws]

There is no easy way. It's ultimately YOUR decision though. Is it something you can really move past? Or will it eat away at you forever? Sorry you have to deal with this. I don't know why so many men just can't stick with ONE woman.

[jocelyn]

I don't know if I will get past the cheating part of what my husband did, but going to my counselor, writing in my journal, reading Shattered Vows by Debbie Laaser and A L.I.F.E. Guide (Living in Freedom Everyday) by Melissa Haas, have all been helping me to heal myself. My husband and I also write in a journal to each other to know the truths and answer questions we have. I hope some of these ideas will help you to heal.

[PandaPaws]

^^That's a good idea, writing in a journal to each other.

[whit4488]

i dont think anyone truly gets past it. it hurts, its unexpected and its unfaithful. in my opinion, it only causes disaster for the long run, get out while you can. when it comes to that point, its done. hes obviously expressed his thoughts about your marriage when he slept with another woman...as hard as it is, try to put your feelings aside and go. because right now, you can think straight.

[Stinbulin]

Did he tell you why he did it? Was it a one time thing that he truly regretted, or was he involved with someone else? I think based on the reasons why he did it, you can only decide if you want to forgive him, and if there is any hope for you guys to reconstruct your marriage.