[purplehaze]

I don't everyone here is saying you are "doomed". They are giving you some good advise. $20,000 is a lot of money and should be taken lightly. Please consider going back and reading your original posts. It doesn't sound like you are real comfortable with it. Just my 2 cents

[stressed]

I dont know why people think we are instantly doomed because he's not very good with money.

Not doomed, just troubled and that because:

- I bust my butt each month to keep our bills paid and try to get some of his past due debt paid. Due to this, we simply have no money for a wedding (we both work full time).

- Is it wrong of me to keep him from just blowing that remaining money?

- would it upset you that your fiance talks about buy lap tops and all this other stuff before the wedding is a thought.

- Him and i are already in marriage counseling and finances were the first thing i put on the table.

- He doesnt like me controlling the money but he cant be trusted with it.

- I wont have any access to seeing what he's spent and that scares me.

- I can see this money killing our relationship if he blows through it and doesn't use it for what it was drawn out for.

This is a relationship where it seems like you have/want full control of the finances of both and you do not trust him at all. The thought of him being in control of his own money scares you. You're already in marriage counseling before you even marry and you see financial issues killing your relationship if he won't be careful with saving/spending.

From then on, we all just gave our point of view based on the subject line. You know how happy you are with him, we only know what we read

[Haven]

What did he say when you told him he could get his debt reduced by 40-50%? You could make things easy by offering to take care of it for him.

If he has an extra $7,000 lying around, he could do a lot worse than spending $600-$700 of it on a laptop that'll be used in your business for the next 3-4 years. Do you know why he took out a $14,000 loan when he only had $7,000 worth of debt?

[Kallygirlie]

I didn't say everyone is saying we are doomed. I was just simply saying that a couple people did and I dont fee that way. I do not want full control of the finances but u are right, I do not trust him with the joint account. We have 3 accts, one of them is completely his. I do not tell him how to spend his money, but I do try to make him aware of how quickly trips to the store can add up when he just cant understand why he's broke. We've talked about the fact that I want him to help with finances.
As for us being in marriage counseling before being married. This is required by our church prior to getting married. It's not relationship counseling. It hasn't uncovered things we dont already know about. Hopefully they can give us help in the financial area of our relationship.

He loved the idea when I told him that he can get his debt cut by up to 40%. He's excited to call the collectors to nagociate. The reason he took out $14,000 was that it was available. If he only took out $7000, he wouldn't be able to take anything else until he paid that loan. The rest of the money is going in an interest bearing savings acct.

The reason I dont like the laptop idea is we already Have 4 laptops and a desktop. 3 laptops are his. Keep in mind, only 1 of these laptops he's paid for, the others have been given to him because they were broke and he fixed them 1 laptop belonged to my Mom. The desktop was my college computer from 6 yrs ago. Yes, we NEED a new laptop for our business and Relay For Life, it just bugs me that I'm of course the accountant for the business and handle all the email contact for Relay but when he speaks of the new laptop, he makes it sound like it'll be his. He carries a laptop to work with him everyday (not needed for his job). I'm thinking, joint business, joint Relay team, joint laptop. Plus on top all this, can we cell some of these other things. We could sell the ones we have and make at least half of what a new one would cost. Not sure why he wants a laptop collection. He's a geek at heart and he proud he's fixed these when people were throwing them away, I'm proud of him to but they aren't trophies

[Allie602]

It's interesting that your original post sounded like you were in distress and your last post you seem to feel he needs defending. Your intuition is warning you not to go ahad with making a life with a financially irresponsible man but seem to be choosing to egnore your inner voice and to be minimizing the financial problems. I'm sorry the reaction to your original post caused people to advise you to be cautious. Sounds like you will go ahead with your plans to marry.

So I guess you did not get the answer you were looking for. The majority of people cannot reassure you that every thing will be wonderful even with all the financial problems. I hope you can work on things and have a good outcome.

[Haven]

Yes, we NEED a new laptop for our business and Relay For Life, it just bugs me that I'm of course the accountant for the business and handle all the email contact for Relay but when he speaks of the new laptop, he makes it sound like it'll be his. He carries a laptop to work with him everyday (not needed for his job). I'm thinking, joint business, joint Relay team, joint laptop.

His decision to put the money into his personal account suggests he's thinking, "my 401k, my money, my purchases." If you can live with the laptop being his in name, you can talk him into making it joint in function.

Plus on top all this, can we cell some of these other things. We could sell the ones we have and make at least half of what a new one would cost.

Ask! They do have some sentimental value to him, but at the very least you'll have put the idea in his head.

[Kallygirlie]

Since my original post, we have talked. Which is why I may have not been responding like I was still in distress. No its not fixed, thats a work in progress. We have talked about the wedding and the laptops. We've talked about taking $10,000 of the money and putting it in a savings acct that is in my name and attached to our joint account so its available when he needs it but he wont have be able to use it for splurge items as the trans between accts takes 2-3 days. We are going to get the new laptop with whats considered our extra check. In october we both get 5 pay checks, all of our bills are budgeted on 4 paychecks so the 5th is free of bills. Using it for the laptop will keep us from using part of the $14,000. If we can get a cheaper computer, it will still leave $400 to add to the savings.

he's made an effort to show me he cares about the finances and doesn't want me to HAVE to deal with it. He's added our account information to his phone so he can check his balance at anytime. Next week he's working 2 days overtime just so he can add to the "wedding fund". They are baby steps but they are something.

[Ashlee T.]

That's good news!! Glad to hear you all talked about it all. I know that makes you feel some better. Based on your other posts, I think he sounds like a pretty good fella so hopefully you all can get the finance stuff worked out.

And I hope you're able to have a modest but beautiful wedding!!

[WildChild]

I'm so glad to hear you are communicating and finding some solutions. You might both benefit from keeping an eye out for any speakers or programs on personal finance that you could attend. Or check out Suze Orman, I used to work in financial services and she is spot on with her advice.

[Myself]

Dave Ramseys money managing plans are the best! I highly recommend the 2 of you read some of his books. Also, take it from someone who has been there, money problems put a huge strain on a new marriage. You should try to get a serious plan in place on how you will handle your finances before you get married.