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[Mes T]

He might not have talked about her before for fear of your reaction. In a weird way feeling like he has something to hide when he really doesn't.

The age comment, I'd reckon maybe he was a little nervous talking about it and just word-vomited.

Ideally you wouldn't have to give a second thought to this.

[stressed]

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[rcoreyus]

Its normal to have male and female coworkers in all sorts of jobs - so that isn't unusual. It is possible that he senses that you might be concerned, so he didn't mention it. Of course something *could* be going on, but I don't see any obvious sign. I'd drop this issue, you have other much more serious problems with him, and getting into a discussion on this would tend to obscure the real issues.

If he has lied a lot in the past, why wait for him to do it again. If you (with reason) suspect him just for having a female coworker, then you can't trust him and there is no point in staying.

[Ashlee T.]

He didn't hire her, right? So no matter what job he works in, he COULD potentially be working with a female. At least in this job you know she's not running around in skirts and heels in front of him (as is the case with lots of other jobs). I understand he has a past of lying, and that you have issues trusting him again.......but honestly, what can he really do about the fact that there's a woman on his team? I'm sure he didn't even think to come home and say "Oh yeah I'm working with a woman now, but don't worry she's old and not hot". But to me, the simple fact that she came up in conversation tells me that he wasn't trying to HIDE her. Perhaps he just knows the issues you two have and figured "why make something out of nothing"??

Maybe she's an old burly she-man woman. lol.

Also, perhaps he just complains about how hard his job is so that you'll feel sorry for him, or be proud of him for working so hard. But just because it's a hard job, doesn't mean there aren't women out there capable of doing it just as well if not better. Look at the US Army and all the women on the front lines.

I agree with rcoreyus. You will not be able to hide your guy from other gals forever. If you can't trust him enough to be put in the situation to even be in the presence of another female on a regular basis, then I think it's really time to rethink being in this relationship. It's a miserable position to be in to have to analyze and worry about every move he makes. I'm not sure anyone is worth that.

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[KMonte85]

I can see how his complaining about how challenging his job is when a woman is there doing the same thing could make you roll your eyes. Truth be told, that would make me wonder just exactly how difficult the job is, physically, as well. But would you consider that this woman could be in pretty good physical shape, perhaps better than your partner? It just came to my mind as I think about the men in my lifting class... They're larger than I am physically, but I can lift heavier weights than they can for longer sets. Just being a woman doesn't mean your always less strong, or less tough... and in addition to her possibly being a strong-woman, this also made me think about the comments you've made about how your guy likes to be taken care of, or kind of coddled a bit... well, how best to get that attention than to talk about how hard his job is? I'm sure it's a very taxing job to have, but he might be laying it on thick for your benenfit, you know?


And as for him not mentioning her in the first place, it was probably as Mes said, he feared how you might react given your past together... you said yourself that he told you "he knows how you react" - and it seems like this bit of information did bother you, exactly what he was trying to avoid. I don't think he was being secretive in any skeevy manner, but really may have been trying to spare you the worry/concern you have about his job, him being around other women, and just how physically challenging the position is...

I think you got it right - not worth thinking about anymore...

[WildChild]

LOL
When I was working in the field it was usually alone but there were occations when we formed a crew. A male friend told me the men worked harder and complained less with a woman working along side them. How 'manly' can they feel moaning about the job when a woman is cheerfully doing it? When things really were too heavy for me (that's why the job required a crew - it was too much for any one or two people of either gender) I would make a point of commenting that this was something that needed some male muscle. We joked about my lack of 'upper body strength'. But they knew that I can do pretty much everything they can and there were times when I showed them easier ways to do things.

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[WildChild]

It isn't black or white, either/or. That is highly simplistic thinking. I certainly don't see men as superfluous. Not by any means. For me a toy can never replace the pleasure and connection with a caring man and I enjoy their different approach to things. Men are indeed generally physically stronger and thereby better able to do some things. Just because some of the so called tradtitional gender roles are changing and the lines blurring (did you know that a significant percentage of men can lactate and feed an infant?) doesn't make either gender uneeded. Women and men are meant to act in a complementary fashion.

We all have both feminine and masculine energies that need to be in balance within ourselves. For too long, most religions and cultures have tried to make a balance of each gender being out of balance in a different energy. Then like propping two wobbly tables against each other to stablise them, they have tried to convince us that by having out of balance women prop up out of balance men, things will somehow stay up. A man should be free to have emotions other than anger or pride, a woman should be free to express anger and frustration without resorting to PMS as a justification. Both should be able to openly express love and enjoy the joining of sex and orgasm with the partner of their choice. Each should be able to explore and develop the positive interests that they have. A man who loves to create artistic flower arrangements is no less a man than one who loves to rebuild engines. A woman who loves to rebuild engines doesn't have to be any less feminine than a woman who cuts hair. We should be supporting each other in being all that we are meant to be and able to be, not forcing each other into little boxes.

I was venting a bit to a very aware male friend yesterday about the negativity of toward a woman who enjoys tools and aspects of construction and the comments made to me. And his response was that a woman should be able to be all those things; soft, loving, attractive, use tools, do construction and be all the more worth loving because she is happy in what she does and is. He is right, I was right. I have no wish to see women somehow supplanting men, nor the reverse, but we all need to be free to work together at what best suits each of us.