I found this a long time ago, in response to the old adage "women need men like fish need bicycles".. enjoy:
Twenty reasons women still need men
Those little worried intakes of breath we make when you drive
We know how much you value them.
Moderating your food intake
When on a “diet” you can pile as much food as you like on a plate, provided that you pile slightly more on to ours. Without men, you would have to do this with each other. There would be fights.
Actually buying the chips
Similar, this.
Demonstrating the limitations of DIY
Without men, you wouldn’t know how hard it is to put up shelves. You wouldn’t know that, actually, drills can be tricky. You wouldn’t have a house full of jagged holes in the plasterwork, and cupboards that don’t quite close. Your lives would be intellectually poorer.
You need actors
You need men to play those deeply unconvincing roles in those romantic comedy films that you give every sign of quite honestly enjoying, despite often having a degree.
Where do you think coins come from?
From our pockets, that’s where, to be distributed in little piles at useful locations around the house. Where would you get your change from otherwise?
You never have to sit in the seat facing the wall in a restaurant
We do, all the time. It’s rubbish.
We always know which remote control is which
For God’s sake, it's the grey one. No, the grey one. That one’s for the DVD. That one’s for the cable. The bloody grey one. It’s grey.
Sometimes, it really wasn’t the dog
Aren’t you so much happier being able to pretend that it was one of us?
Plugs are important
Likewise batteries, power leads, and all the things required to plug an iPod into a stereo. You’d realise this if we were gone.
We help when you dress
You think another woman would come around to your house and repeatedly tap her watch and give sighs of wide-eyed, exasperated incredulity whenever you decide to change your top? Dream on, love.
When did you last see a female drug dealer?
Crime prevention statistics would suffer without all of those hopelessly identifiable males.
It is much easier to embarrass a male grandchild by spitting on a tissue and wiping its cheek
You may regret their absence, in later years.
We have pockets
Why don’t you have pockets?
Barbecues are best managed by men
Why this should be true, nobody knows. But it is.
If we didn’t kill your plants, you wouldn’t be able to buy new ones
Secretly, you like buying new plants. We know.
You never buy tomato ketchup
See also: non-French cheese, white bread, new cars etc.
Our razor blades are cheaper than your razor blades
You would no longer be able to exploit this.
The world needs stand-up comedians
For some reason, you still aren’t very good at that.
...AND THERE YOU HAVE IT!
Twenty reasons women still need men
Those little worried intakes of breath we make when you drive
We know how much you value them.
Moderating your food intake
When on a “diet” you can pile as much food as you like on a plate, provided that you pile slightly more on to ours. Without men, you would have to do this with each other. There would be fights.
Actually buying the chips
Similar, this.
Demonstrating the limitations of DIY
Without men, you wouldn’t know how hard it is to put up shelves. You wouldn’t know that, actually, drills can be tricky. You wouldn’t have a house full of jagged holes in the plasterwork, and cupboards that don’t quite close. Your lives would be intellectually poorer.
You need actors
You need men to play those deeply unconvincing roles in those romantic comedy films that you give every sign of quite honestly enjoying, despite often having a degree.
Where do you think coins come from?
From our pockets, that’s where, to be distributed in little piles at useful locations around the house. Where would you get your change from otherwise?
You never have to sit in the seat facing the wall in a restaurant
We do, all the time. It’s rubbish.
We always know which remote control is which
For God’s sake, it's the grey one. No, the grey one. That one’s for the DVD. That one’s for the cable. The bloody grey one. It’s grey.
Sometimes, it really wasn’t the dog
Aren’t you so much happier being able to pretend that it was one of us?
Plugs are important
Likewise batteries, power leads, and all the things required to plug an iPod into a stereo. You’d realise this if we were gone.
We help when you dress
You think another woman would come around to your house and repeatedly tap her watch and give sighs of wide-eyed, exasperated incredulity whenever you decide to change your top? Dream on, love.
When did you last see a female drug dealer?
Crime prevention statistics would suffer without all of those hopelessly identifiable males.
It is much easier to embarrass a male grandchild by spitting on a tissue and wiping its cheek
You may regret their absence, in later years.
We have pockets
Why don’t you have pockets?
Barbecues are best managed by men
Why this should be true, nobody knows. But it is.
If we didn’t kill your plants, you wouldn’t be able to buy new ones
Secretly, you like buying new plants. We know.
You never buy tomato ketchup
See also: non-French cheese, white bread, new cars etc.
Our razor blades are cheaper than your razor blades
You would no longer be able to exploit this.
The world needs stand-up comedians
For some reason, you still aren’t very good at that.
...AND THERE YOU HAVE IT!
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