[Myself]

I totally understand where you are at right now. I uncovered a very similar situation with my husband nearly a year ago. I confronted him and got the "you are crazy/ jealous/ a horrible person" line as well. This put a huge strain on our marriage, to say the least! I started to spy on his cell phone and computer activities. I found over the course of the next few weeks that he was having an emotional affair via computer and it was about to become a physical thing. I confronted him again, and got the same response as the first time. He was actually mad at me for spying on him!

I take my marriage vows very seriously, and so didnt act rashly. I spent several weeks thinking of all of my options and the consequences of any and all actions. I finally decided that I couldnt stay married to a cheater, and we needed to have a serious talk. I sat him down and told him how I felt, and what needed to happen if we were to save our marriage. It was a difficult conversation, with a lot of tears on both sides. Then I left the ball in his court.

2 days later he came to me and said that he had a confession to make. He admitted that he had become addicted to painkillers and that he needed help to stop. I was shocked, as were our families. No one saw that coming. He said that he wanted to do whatever it took to save our marriage.

He is now clean, and back to the man I married. It has been a long road. It took me months to forgive him for his actions in my heart. But I also know that a cheater is not the man I married. I am not saying that his drug addiction excuses his actions, nothing can excuse cheating on your spouse. But hindsight is 20/20, and I now see that I wasnt paying close enough attention to him. I mean, I didnt even realize that he had a drug problem! Dont get me wrong, you are NOT at fault here. The only person to blame is him. But is it possible that there is something else going on in his life that makes him feel as if he needs support that he is not getting at home?

[calicogirl]

my man had a texting lady too and would NOT let me read them and would get (edit) if i went thru his phone. we had a MILLION fights over her... yea he's doing wrong. and possibly cheating. hes getting mad at u for going thru his phone because he has something to hide. go thru his pictures go thru his texts go thru EVERYTHING. and i GUARANTEE you will find something.

[Cheese5318]

I'd call this an emotional affair if nothing else. He's got to cut these messages off immediately. What he thinks is just text messages can and will soon lead to more...the physical realm.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

The knight in shining armor... who comes to her rescue, listening to her whoas, whilst she ensures he hangs onto every word she says, so she is comforted, as she continues to reel him in.

He was so defensive of her, as per above..

And, when you texted her, she told him...

There are women in this world that will not care whos toes they step on as long as they get what they want...

You can lay down and accept it, all be it hurt and allow it to esculate as she weeves her web Or, you can make him see "you" his wife, the person he married and realise that he doesn't need to help this person as much as he has been... Physcology can work wonders sometimes.

I'd say nothing, walk around smiling, dressing different, laugh with him, have great sex, and go out sometimes letting him wonder who this person is, where has she gone, focusing totally on you in fear that maybe you've changed and your going to leave him

[Ks85]

UPDATE:::

I know it has been a long time since ive posted, i was trying to forget about it. however, just a few weeks ago, i saw that she friended my husband on facebook and he accepted. i know its probably immature of me considering its facebook, but it upsets me he would accept her as a facebook friend considering how much fighting and hurt i had over her. now i feel i have to worry about her messaging him on there. i dont know what to do. i need closure on it, i cant just "get over it" as my husband says, maybe partly because he wont apologize(he still believes he did nothing wrong).

[jns]

I guess he is into sharing secrets, because nothing on facebook is a secret. You can keep track of what is going on, though.

[Ks85]

i can see his page obviously bc he is my "friend" on there, and i can see hers bc it isnt private. however how would i know if they were inboxing each other? also part of me wants to message her and attempt to have a mature conversation about it, but afaid husband would get mad at me. what would you ladies do?

[KMonte85]

my $0.02 is that it isn't worth it to bring anything up to her, mature conversation or not. She already knows who you are, she has no ties to you, and so she probably could not care any less that you're upset with her and your husband's "friendship". If she did care, why would she still be okay keeping contact with your husband via facebook (and who knows if they're still texting/calling)? The key to stopping these shinannigans once and for all lies with you and your husband.

He needs to stop it. Plain and simple. Unfortunately, from what you've written, he still does not accept that his behavior was/is unacceptable. And so, the question is - what can be done to make him see just how serious his actions are to his marriage? This is where your reaction comes in. Stop worrying about making him mad, he obviously cares very little about how you feel in this situation - maybe it is time he becomes as uncomfortable as you are. Get serious with him. Let him know exactly, without mincing words, how his actions are affecting you and your marriage. Think long and hard about what you're willing to put up with, and what you're willing to do when boundries get crossed, and make him very clearly aware of it. I would also suggest you and he attend marriage counseling.. and if he refuses, tell him you're going by yourself then.

And if he gets mad? So what? Are you not fuming that your husband is/was exchanging sweet nothings with another woman, and continues to keep in contact with her? Are you not angry that he turns it on you, like you're crazy for wanting him to reserve those sweet words and conversations for his wife only? Perhaps it is time he feels YOUR pain, so he can truly understand where you're coming from and just how serious you are about saving your relationship.

[Ks85]

[/QUOTE]And if he gets mad? So what? Are you not fuming that your husband is/was exchanging sweet nothings with another woman, and continues to keep in contact with her? Are you not angry that he turns it on you, like you're crazy for wanting him to reserve those sweet words and conversations for his wife only? Perhaps it is time he feels YOUR pain, so he can truly understand where you're coming from and just how serious you are about saving your relationship.[/QUOTE]


Very good point you have there

[Guest]

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